Feeling hurt

My husband has recently had a massive fall out with our daughter she has now stopped contact with her daughters,we were the primary care givers to our eldest granddaughter I am utterly bereft,unsure how to cope

Sallywally - please don’t apologise for coming on here and offloading. That’s what this forum is for. Most of us have relationship problems at one time or another. Those who haven’t are in the lucky minority.
I’m glad you went over and gave her the presents. So, all is not lost.
Mothers and daughters !

Sallywally1 - I'm not sure which daughter our DGC belongs to but it sounds as though there's something much deeper going on if one daughter has estranged herself from you and the other treats you with indifference and cruelty at times. You sound vulnerable and you have nobody to talk to - I suggest you refer yourself to Talking Therapy (free via the NHS with information about it at your GP surgery) or find a therapist privately who can work with you on a range of emotions and maybe help you to find some solutions. Also, how have you discovered that the other grandma is going to be at the party - and has she been invited or invited herself, and is she has been invited has it been an obligation. You also don't say how old your DGC is because she may have no say in who comes and who doesn't. I hope you feel better soon. herself.locally

I’m sorry some people are so cruel - maybe you can arrange a meet up half way perhaps to celebrate together ?

I’m so sorry. It’s hard when our families do these awful things and no not why! ?

Just a thought - is it possible that the other grandmother has invited herself?
Maybe the plan was just to invite play friends…

madeleine45

Can I make a suggestion? It isnt going to stop the hurt you feel but might be something to help a little in the future. I dont know if you keep a diary, but could you keep rather a notebook for your grand daughter. So you might write in it on her birthday, telling her that you are thinking of her, what you are doing, describing perhaps your garden or what you are wearing. Again on your birthday or christmas or any occasion that is important to you.

Dont make it a long note, or make it sound too sad, but if hopefully as she grows up , things may change or once she is older she can choose to be in touch with you, then the notebook would be something she could read. It would show her that you had thought of her all this time, and let her see what was happening in your life too.

You could perhaps have some photos of the garden, any pets you have etc to go with it. If you are a gardener yourself you might choose to plant something each year in her honour, and hope that in the future she may be able to come and see it. Perhaps you might choose to have 2 notebooks, one for her to read in the future, and the other a private notebook for yourself to write down how you are feeling at those times, and then put it away and try and go for a walk or have a swim, or anything physical to get through the difficult days.

This really works for me too

Can I make a suggestion? It isnt going to stop the hurt you feel but might be something to help a little in the future. I dont know if you keep a diary, but could you keep rather a notebook for your grand daughter. So you might write in it on her birthday, telling her that you are thinking of her, what you are doing, describing perhaps your garden or what you are wearing. Again on your birthday or christmas or any occasion that is important to you.

Dont make it a long note, or make it sound too sad, but if hopefully as she grows up , things may change or once she is older she can choose to be in touch with you, then the notebook would be something she could read. It would show her that you had thought of her all this time, and let her see what was happening in your life too.

You could perhaps have some photos of the garden, any pets you have etc to go with it. If you are a gardener yourself you might choose to plant something each year in her honour, and hope that in the future she may be able to come and see it. Perhaps you might choose to have 2 notebooks, one for her to read in the future, and the other a private notebook for yourself to write down how you are feeling at those times, and then put it away and try and go for a walk or have a swim, or anything physical to get through the difficult days.

i wasnt invited to my GD wedding, the whole family kept it secret, i helped raise her when her parents divorced , spoilt her immenseley, i will never understand it , 3 months later my hubby died, i am sure his heart was broken, I am over it now, but i would still like an answer, i too shall probably go to my grave without knowing

kittylester

We don't have this problem but on top of family birthday events we take each of our grandchildren shopping for their burthday and have lunch out with them then. We started when our eldest granddaughter was about 4 and asked us to buy her a 'lutiful' dress. She bought a bridesmaid dress from Next.

Could you do something like that?

That is a wonderful idea and a great thing to do if mother allows you, I was never allowed until 23 years later when we now do it ourselves without mum's permission

I feel your pain 💐

Sallywally1

It’s ok, sorry for my self pity. I went round this morning and gave her the presents. She is have a small party at home next week for school friends and soft play next weekend, which I would expect not to g, it’s for children. I do make the most of my time with her. For the record I am estranged from my middle child and forbidden to see her two sons and my eldest has one child who I see occasionally mainly because of the distance. I do have a DH and he is just as devastated by the estrangement from our middle child as I am. I will go for a walk soon, it’s a nice day. Thank you.

Please don’t apologise, your sadness is understandable. Our one and only GC has just turned 11, we have NEVER seen him on his actual birthday or Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day.

BUT DH birthday is two days later and we all make a point of a dual celebration close to both their birthdays.

This came about due to a nasty divorce between my husband and my step daughter’s Mum, many many years before DH and I even met.

However it also was a choice in our DGS first few years as DH’s ex wife, mother of my amazing step-daughter, had been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when step- daughter was pregnant, DH and I made a decision to step back and give that previous time to her to bond with DGS. She then died before DGS was 4 and he barely remembers her.

I do hope you’re not too sad on her birthday

All I say how very sad for you, and please go and try and find something nice to do in that day, whatever you enjoy, please do it. Have your short cry, then do something positive, even if it’s just baking a cake, listening to some lovely music or have a long bubble bath.

Couldn't past without sending you a virtual hug 🤗
Families are not always perfect.

Take care of yourself and hubby

An unfortunate situation. You are bound to feel sad.

It’s ok, sorry for my self pity. I went round this morning and gave her the presents. She is have a small party at home next week for school friends and soft play next weekend, which I would expect not to g, it’s for children. I do make the most of my time with her. For the record I am estranged from my middle child and forbidden to see her two sons and my eldest has one child who I see occasionally mainly because of the distance. I do have a DH and he is just as devastated by the estrangement from our middle child as I am. I will go for a walk soon, it’s a nice day. Thank you.

We don't have this problem but on top of family birthday events we take each of our grandchildren shopping for their burthday and have lunch out with them then. We started when our eldest granddaughter was about 4 and asked us to buy her a 'lutiful' dress. She bought a bridesmaid dress from Next.

Could you do something like that?

Not sure I understand all the dynamics here Sallywally
How many daughters and grandchildren ? Is it two daughters one you’re estranged from and another who s child has the birthday ?
Could you invite the child to yours for an after birthday tea say the next weekend or the weekend just before and give her her presents etc or if this is the one that’s 2 hours away could you meet halfway and take her for a grown up tea with Nan at maybe a park or play centre if she’s not too old ?
Why do you have to stay in your bedroom to cry ? Are you living alone or hiding your emotions from a husband ?
I live alone but when I m sad I cry any blooming where, I find the shower ideal, you can sob and weep and even shout snd no one really hears
Sorry to hear you are so sad 🤗

I am so sorry to read that.
Families can be a minefield?
Not knowing more, since you see your DGC regularly, could you maybe celebrate another day with them - a candle in a cupcake or something fun- depends on their age! It's such an important relationship & it's between you and your DGC

Oh gosh I don't know what to say but I couldn't ignore your post. I am so sorry for the way you are being treated.
Just enjoy the times you do have with your DGC she won't love you any less for not being at her birthday.

I very rarely see my DGC on their birthdays.

Of course you will feel as you do ....I'm very sorry for your circumstances 💐