Feeling stuck in my boyfriend's family business.

Jessicabrown-REPORTED.

No it is not unreasonable Milliecookie for you to step away and focus on your health and well being- in fact it should be the highest priority on your to do list.

Whoever is your "employer" (ie who pays you, either your boyfriend or his parents) your "employer" has a legal duty of care (Health and Safety at Work Act) to ensure that the conditions of your employment are safe and not injurious to your health. That includes hours worked, rest times, days off, annual leave etc. You are working far beyond what can be considered as reasonable or healthy. I know you may not consider your self as an "employee"- but as you are working in someone else's business in exchange for a wage that is what you are.

Your health is a priority. How about visiting your GP on the basis of feeling "tired and burnt out" and explain the situation just as you have on this post. The GP is likely to take your BP, take some blood to test for anaemia etc. etc.

Then tell your boyfriend you visited your GP, the reasons and that you need to step back from the business because of how its negatively affected your health. Tell him you need some time to consider what other employment may be better for your health, how many hours per week you can manage, how many rest days a week you need etc. I'm sure your boyfriend cares about you and if so he will also want you to be well and happy.
Discuss together how to cut your hours down during your notice period to at least 37 hours per week (I would suggest 4-6 week notice) and also ensure you have 2 days not working per week to recuperate and get back to health. Make it clear you will be terminating your employment at the end of the 4-6 week notice period. You may want to follow up the discussion thanking him for listening and summarising your discussion and agreements in writing, even if just by text or WhatsApp so their can be no ambiguity. Take 'sick leave' if you need it.

This approach puts your health and well being at the forefront (as is fair, reasonable and your legal right) and takes the issue out of the emotional family situation your describe- ie the somewhat coercive, manipulative approach of your boyfriend's parents, who seemingly treat you as a couple less well than they treat their employed staff in their other shops.

Tell your boyfriend you understand that you needing to focus on your health and well being such that you won't be available to work in his "family business" as you have to date might create some difficulties in the short term. But say you feel confident they will support each other and work everything out together in a way that works best for the family and their business. It may be that his parents want to offer some hours to help their son out in the shop or move over some staff from their other establishments- that is their collective decision not your responsibility.

Do not feel responsible or emotionally guilty that you are handing back this "business challenge" to them as a family where it rightfully belongs- it is their family business after all. It is either a viable business or not- but you don't need to put your health and well being at risk to subsidise it. Good luck 💐

Just wondering if she left the job whether they could employ someone else and get away with the same low pay and conditions.
The experience she has had could mean a new job will offer more money and better conditions.
Perhaps then her partner would see how hopeless the situation is, particularly for her as she has little recourse if things go pear shaped.

I think OP knows what she should do and needs to but doubt she will. I cannot understand her partner he must be beholden to his parent and if so he will never be free so she wont either..no life at all.I would be off like a shot.

Sound advice from Bluebell and Not spaghetti which you should seriously consider. I hope you make the right decision for you.

I know this situation well, small shops are a lot of work because you are competing with every supermarket and convenience store. So profits are slim, it's the same problem as thousands of pubs and restaurants, at least you are getting paid many don't.

Together with your husband you have to agree sensible hours finding more help if needed or reduce hours the shop is open

petra

I have to say the OP ( BOT) presents lovely paragraphs, spelling, and spacing. Just saying 😉

Yes, I agree.

She could easily get another job, salaried and with a pension.
Or expand her horizons beyond the mundane.

I have seen this in family business.

I think you need to discuss an exit plan with your partner at least for yourself.

If he can't agree with you I'd say "I will cover 12 weeks more (say) to give them chance to find a new member of staff.

Then I'd tell his parents and look for a job I wanted.

Good luck.

I have to say the OP ( BOT) presents lovely paragraphs, spelling, and spacing. Just saying 😉

Well it’s all very well saying walk away but if she loves this man she’s not going to want to walk away from him and it does sound as if the job and man are a total package.
So that’s the dilemma
I think you do need to step away from the job completely, but I fear that will leave you in a difficult position, with probably no job, nowhere to live, and no partner either..
A lot of thought has to go into this talk, first off with the boyfriend telling him exactly what you have to do and why then after ( hopefully together) with the parents.
I would tell the boyfriend that the wages you are getting for the hours you are working are unacceptable and you are going to find a better paid job which will help the two of you move forward in your lives together.
I was wondering if the son being so tied to the family shops and so beholden to his parents indicated an Asian family which would explain his reluctance to move away from the family business and not him being weak
I do not envy your position it’s a doomed if you do, doomed if you don’t situation but I do wish you lots of luck

Do you receive a payslip clearly showing the tax and national insurance deductions from your gross pay? Have you ever been given a P60?
If you have never had any of these then they’re probably not keeping proper records concerning your employment.
Register with HMRC and Government Gateway and you’ll be able to see how many years you’ve accrued with NI contributions and how much tax you’ve paid.

If this information has not been recorded then you are being treated as slave labour IMO.

This is an employer eternally promising jam tomorrow but I seriously doubt you will ever see it.

They have been stringing you along and your boyfriend has allowed it, and why not? It's already been made clear he will inherit solely - you won't get a look in.

The family and, I'm afraid, the boyfriend have treated you badly as merely "a useful fool".

They've shamelessly taken your life. What prospects have you got in return?

Walk away, the relationship does not sound healthy. Do you really want to be part of a family that seem to be exploiting you? Low wages and promises.
I don't think I would bother with the boyfriend either. Where is his back bone, why is he not standing up to his family? This would not be for me.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting to step away and find a job with a healthier work–life balance?

Not at all.
And a new boyfriend too, if you want one at all that is.

There is nothing in this for you either now or the future.

You and your partner need to arrange a family meeting to talk about the situation and lay your cards on the table. The family are probably waiting for the two of you to get married before handing the business over to you, but is that what you really want? Is the business profitable enough to employ staff, or would it be a case of just the two of you having to run the shop between you, in which case the current situation would not change? You both have a lot to consider. Good luck.

Walk away. If you do nothing- nothing changes.
You have plenty of experience another company would be glad to have you. Start looking for another job that gives you proper wages for hours worked then just leave. You’re being exploited.

Just tell your partner when your wage goes in the bank, you are burnt out and are leaving right now.., Walk right out of the door and don’t look back, you have been exploited. You will be fine if you reclaim your self worth. Things won’t change if you don't..

For your own health you need to get another job. What happens after that is not your responsibility. It is quite obvious that you are being exploited as cheap labour.

Your in a dodgy situation... Are you paying NI or any tax?
You know what you need to do, Walk.

This is approaching modern slavery, except you are free to walk away, get a job that protects worker's rights, and have your life back.

It sounds as if the company is not even sticking to employment law! Have you got a proper contract fo employment?

Walk away. Quickly.
You are being exploited.

Grandmabatty

Didn't you get the answers you wanted on mumsnet?
Walk away.

Obviously not 😂

Didn't you get the answers you wanted on mumsnet?
Walk away.