No one to share things with

I'm retired. Only child. Both parents passed in the last 3 years.
I'm still grieving this but don't really have friends to speak to about it. Husband is supportive but I don't really think he knows how I feel.
We have grandchildren who are great. But I'm not putting my stresses on to them. They too will have stresses in later life. 💞

jakuss

Theres a lot of it about havnt seen my 2 sons since my husbands funeral nearly 3 years ago, my greatest joy is knowing they are getting nothing in my will

That's sad.

Theres a lot of it about havnt seen my 2 sons since my husbands funeral nearly 3 years ago, my greatest joy is knowing they are getting nothing in my will

I understand and empathise completely. I very rarely see my two siblings - we haven’t got much in common anyway. My DH has COPD, sleeps a lot of the time and has become a recluse since COVID. I would love to see more of my daughters, grandchildren and great grandchildren, but I don't drive and haven’t a lot of money. I have a friend who often asks me to go away with her but I can't afford holidays and in any case I would be afraid of leaving my husband alone in case he was taken ill. I do occasionally meet friends for coffee and go to the cinema on my own though. So you are not alone.

Like Rosie's Maw I have to make myself do things. I'm also on my own.
Siblings are fine but both far away so not buddies. Likewise my DC live from Ireland to NZ and places in-between but they're not buddies either.
Even when DH was alive we had many different interests so though we had eachother we didn't rely on eachother for outings.
I can only remember a couple of occasions we shopped together in 50 years.

I join things but don't always go.
I have a few good friends but we don't do regular things together.

You sound as though you may suffer from depression NannySue . Have you considered getting medical help?

Momac55

That’s a horrible suggestion

What is?

That’s a horrible suggestion

I hear exactly what you are saying, we have also just gotten through a grim winter. Sometimes connections are easier in the warm weather. I enjoy a chat with the neighbours when I’m out and about. Family dynamics can be complex and they are not always a source of social support. I wish you a great spring.

In my mid-sixties I madly decided to learn Russian online through mylanguageexchange.com. I was deluged with eager Russian speakers anxious to help me and eleven years on I have seven close, close friends in Eastern European countries and Germany, men and women, mostly younger than myself. I long ago gave up learning Russian, but I still continue in English, with one or two weekly appointments limited to one hour with each person. Now that I am an accomplished conversationalist, we have in-depth discussions or study English literature together.

These friends - mostly otherwise lonely people themselves, now mean more to me than I can ever express and are closer than anybody in this country.

To be honest, in your place I would see less of the friends who are forever talking about all the lovely things they do with their children and grandchildren. To me it does not sound as if they bother to ask what you do, but perhaps they do.

However, as you are sad that you do not have the same kind of relationship to your children, they are rather boasting at your expense, aren't they?

How much opportunity do you have for talking to those you go on group outings with? Some, at least. of them are probably placed much as you are, so you might be able to get to know them a little better.

Any chance of you and your husband doing things together, if you do not already do so.

Since my husband died, our only son lives far away, as do my two sisters-in-law, so no casual dropping in to see them, I volunteer at the local museum, and have join a book reading group and a country dance group.

It does however take time to build up a network of new friends or acquaintances, I don¨t know whether this is due to the tempo of life today, or to our age, but it seems to be a fact, so don't be disappointed if you feel to start off with that you are the odd one out there too.

RosiesMawagain

You do at least have your DH at home to talk to- why won’t he go with you?
Come back to an empty house after a solitary trip to a cinema because it’s Sunday and «everybody» seems to be involved with their families. One of the features of widowhood is that you find you have «nobody to do nothing with».
You may have to be more proactive in suggesting outings to other women you - and of course risk rejection- or find some interest you and your DH can share - or, bite the bullet as I often do and go on your own.

I know exactly what you mean. I've only recently plucked up enough courage to actually go to the cinema or theatre on my own but as you say, I always have to go back to an empty house.

TheSunRisesInTheEast

NannySue45, oh dear, you've got yourself in a pickle. You have a husband, a daughter, granddaughter, a son and friends. Maybe you are depressed, that may be why you're feeling so negative about life at the moment.

I'm an only child and love it. My husband is one of five, and I know what I'd prefer. They have very little to do with one another and on the odd occasion they do get together, it isn't a pleasant experience 🙄.

You can get caught up in how "wonderful" other people's lives are, their "happy" families, "exotic" holidays to far flung places, but things aren't always as they seem.

Suggest doing things with your husband, be friends with him, visit garden centres, have lunch out, go to the cinema ... Visit your daughter and grandchildren for the weekend. Invite your son for dinner.

It's easy to do nothing and be disappointed that people aren't coming to you with offers, but if it bothers you then you have to put more effort in.

There are loads of clubs available in most towns, I'm sure one of your friends would be interested in attending them with you.

Maybe you and your husband could join a club together or go swimming, a coffee and chat afterwards with other people may bring on new friendships, you never know.

I'm very happy with my own company, always have been, but I can understand that some people enjoy the company of others.

Please keep off things like Facebook, I've never been on it but have heard that lots of people post photos of every possible "look at me" situation to convey what a "fantastic" life they lead. But you don't see the whole picture of their lives.

Be thankful for what you've got, not sad for what you haven't got.

Nobody's life is perfect, just make the most of it 💐.

👏👏👏👏👏 👍👍

I read somewhere that we are led to believe that everybody has at least one BFF but it is a myth. I can't remember the numbers but it is such a small percentage that do. It made me feel so much better as my last real best friend was when I was in primary school and we lost touch...my fault entirely. I have made a real effort to socialise in the last couple of years and although I have not necessarily made a BFF, I have at last found someone I can talk to. Don't give up, don't feel sad, you never know what is around the corner if you socialise.

I agree with J52; choose someone from your existing group and invite her for coffee/lunch somewhere to get to know her better. Then do the same thing with another from the group. Rinse as repeat till you have built up a network that you're comfortable with. I'm an only child too and understand how intimidating (and exhausting) it can be to start off with a whole crowd of strangers

I echo LemonJams recommendation of the U3a (University of the 3rd age) most have MOTO groups (members on their own) as well as a huge range of other groups. It's a great way to meet people.

Get yourself a younger man. You know a bit on the side. It works wonders.

Find a new set of friends that you can relate to.
Maybe a gardening group? Try the local community centre see what's about, book club? Usually the library runs one or will know of one, in fact many groups have notices up in the local library, even though you have a partner its nice to have a set of friends to chat with that don't make you feel the odd one out, I made a new set of friends volunteering in a charity shop, customers and workmates. Once a week my husband goes into a day centre and as soon as he is established in I head to the shop.
Give it all a go, even walking a dog people chat to you
.I hope you find your new friends

I can understand how you feel. You mention going out with a group of friends, but have you thought of just meeting one for a coffee? Suggesting a one to one meeting might be a way to find different things in common. Also maybe 2/3 s for lunch.
Often group get togethers ramble through topics that might not be everyone’s interests.

PS I have no living siblings- my only sister died of Alzheimer’s in Canada 18 months ago and my three DDs live 2 hours away in different directions.

You do at least have your DH at home to talk to- why won’t he go with you?
Come back to an empty house after a solitary trip to a cinema because it’s Sunday and «everybody» seems to be involved with their families. One of the features of widowhood is that you find you have «nobody to do nothing with».
You may have to be more proactive in suggesting outings to other women you - and of course risk rejection- or find some interest you and your DH can share - or, bite the bullet as I often do and go on your own.

Do you actually have any suggestions that may help OP find such friends sixandahalf?

Can we "find friends", I'm not entirely sure.We can certainly build up a little bank of loose connections, perhaps being flexible is the way to go.

I’m a heart on my sleeve person and if I’m chatting to anyone anywhere regardless I will share anything if I feel they may listen and reciprocate. It seems more often than not I’m the listener but I’m not afraid to share at all. It seems more that others need to share which is fine with me.

Nanny Sue 45 . Siblings aren’t they’re cracked up to be. I have two and both aren’t local , so I don’t see them as often as I’d like . We speak on the phone weekly though .
Regarding your DD , arrange regular catch up sessions . Maybe FaceTime on a Sunday. Or plan a weekend with her and your GC. Or arrange meet-ups with your DS at the weekends . Cinema or just coffee.
This way you can contribute to your friends conversations about their DC .
I don’t have GC yet and when my friends talk about their GC , I listen politely and try and change the subject. I’m in some friendship groups where some are single and some don’t have children.
I often think that people whose conversations are only about their DC and GC have quite boring lives .
I’m ambivalent about joining groups as it’s not for everyone and can take a while to make close connections.
Maybe your dd moving away has made you a bit low and lost . I felt the same when my sister moved away .
But there’s lots of good ideas on here . 💐

NannySue45, oh dear, you've got yourself in a pickle. You have a husband, a daughter, granddaughter, a son and friends. Maybe you are depressed, that may be why you're feeling so negative about life at the moment.

I'm an only child and love it. My husband is one of five, and I know what I'd prefer. They have very little to do with one another and on the odd occasion they do get together, it isn't a pleasant experience 🙄.

You can get caught up in how "wonderful" other people's lives are, their "happy" families, "exotic" holidays to far flung places, but things aren't always as they seem.

Suggest doing things with your husband, be friends with him, visit garden centres, have lunch out, go to the cinema ... Visit your daughter and grandchildren for the weekend. Invite your son for dinner.

It's easy to do nothing and be disappointed that people aren't coming to you with offers, but if it bothers you then you have to put more effort in.

There are loads of clubs available in most towns, I'm sure one of your friends would be interested in attending them with you.

Maybe you and your husband could join a club together or go swimming, a coffee and chat afterwards with other people may bring on new friendships, you never know.

I'm very happy with my own company, always have been, but I can understand that some people enjoy the company of others.

Please keep off things like Facebook, I've never been on it but have heard that lots of people post photos of every possible "look at me" situation to convey what a "fantastic" life they lead. But you don't see the whole picture of their lives.

Be thankful for what you've got, not sad for what you haven't got.

Nobody's life is perfect, just make the most of it 💐.

sixandahalf 13.16: "I can't understand who a person makes themselves slightly vulnerable by saying they are struggling and then is told to "join things" or about a woman who is living life to the full....It's that elusive middle ground isn't it? Some light friends who actually listen to you and connect with you?"

Do you actually have any suggestions that may help OP find such friends sixandahalf?

Cossy 13.24: "Some of us do this, whilst showing empathy, to illustrate it is possible to build a new and different life, however hard it seems, I think it’s meant as encouragement, that’s exactly why I did this smile".

I absolute agree with you Cossy. I joined my local U3A at a very low ebb in life as someone had kindly suggested it might help.

NannySue45 posted: 'My friends are constantly going on holidays, theatre trips, outings .... even just coffee with their daughters/family and I really miss this opportunity. I do go on group outings etc but I really wish I had someone close to share things with. My husband doesn't understand and thinks I'm unreasonable for feeling upset. When I go out with my group of friends they are always talking about their wonderful children and all the things they do together. I find myself not wanting to go out with them and having to listen to it all." .

NannySue45 - it sounds like you wish to find some new friends that don't talk about their wonderful children all the time- I know the feeling 🥱. I made my suggestion along those lines but if not for you entirely understandable. What ever you choose, I wish you well and hope things improve for you over time so you feel less lost and lonely. 💐 💐