How do I get past this

I quit smoking in 2007 with the help of Chantix not sure what it's called now and if its even available but for me it made quitting super easy!!!!

murraymints65

My husband smoked for years and years, wouldn't or couldn't give it up, I found him dead in bed a month ago. It was COPD that killed him, what a waste of a life.

💐

Murraymints65
I'm so sorry for your loss

The last few days his cough has got worse , it sounds like he can't catch his breath. He's still smoking and is in denial, when I ask him about it , he's tells me , he's fine !!!

My husband smoked for years and years, wouldn't or couldn't give it up, I found him dead in bed a month ago. It was COPD that killed him, what a waste of a life.

Maybe the OP's husband should read this thread and seriously think about the impact of his smoking on the rest of his family.

As an ex smoker I can say stopping is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. That was 40+ years ago. I eventually quit using nicotine chewing gum. Does your local surgery run a Stop Smoking Clinic? A bit of support like that might help him. Good luck to you both.

I read something a while ago about New Zealand or Auustralia raising the age requirement to purchase cigarettes every year. I thought that was creative and hope it has a big impact.

Alan Carr's book is an eye-opener. He takes the fear away from becoming a quitter.

I'd never heard of lungwort so I just googled it. Very interesting. As well as treating the lungs, it can also help with stomach problems and urinary tract infections.

If all else fails make him take lungwort, it helped my ex.

I have read all these comments with sad fellow-feeling. My darling Mother died from cancer at 46 years old - mostly because my Father was a heavy smoker. She herself had an odd cigarette, but never on her own. My Father was quite a bit older than her and died 11 months later. My younger sister was only 13 years old at the time so cigarettes had a very disastrous effect on our family. Thank goodness they are frowned upon now - and they make their users smell horrible!

Let him know you do not like the smell of smoke, be it on him and his clothing or in a room in the house. Clearly stipulate that you are no longer willing to tolerate it.
If you are really concerned about his health, and yours because this also affects you, (if I were you), mention moving out into your own flat where life would be easier for you. It's obvious he doesn't care about you and your health. Maybe suggest a trial separation to let him know how serious it is.
I know this sounds drastic, but having a stubborn, inconsiderate spouse, who is actually still a youngster, who is willing to jeopardise your relationship, your health and his future health (he is only 60), one has to give an ultimatum.

A Dr on tv this morning talking about the nicotine pouches that you put under your top lip likened quitting smoking was akin to heroin.
It’s not until that little voice goes off in you head that you will stop.
There’s also the physical addiction.

Poor lady. That makes me think of Roy Castle, he never smoked but died from lung cancer, thought to have been caused by performing in smokey rooms for years 😢.

My wife and I completely avoid anybody who is smoking . It is so anti social and makes them smell horrible. Why can`t they see that ? If this Lady has been married 40 years with him then she must have been breathing in this rubbish every day with him and possibly will have lung disease as well , just like Roy Castle years ago.
Never smoked but died of lung cancer.
Something to think of.

A friend of mine, who had worked as a district nurse, told me a very sad story.

There was a woman on her books who had the sort of severe circulatory problems normally associated with heavy smoking but she was a non-smoker and the doctors were baffled. Both her legs had been amputated.

Her husband, who was her full-time sole carer, was seen as being a saint. During her first week at the job, my friend popped in to introduce herself and as the husband was about to wash and dress his wife for the day she went up to help.

She had noticed the cigarette fug as soon as she came through the door and all the time she was there the husband had a fag on. He was blowing cigarette smoke directly onto his wife all the time he was turning, washing and dressing her.

This was at a time when the tobacco industry was pumping out false statistics to prove that passive smoking was not dangerous.

Sorry for your loss. You're correct that it was not your fault, he was a grown man and if he was that concerned, he would have made his own doctor's appointment. It's very sad that you've been widowed so young 💐.

You only have to look at the patients outside hospital entrances in their pyjamas and dressing gowns, connected up to portable drips, some in wheelchairs, desperately puffing away on a cigarette, to realise what an addiction smoking is. It must be frustrating and heartbreaking for the families, but that is the strength of the addiction. It upsets me that despite all the dangers, disgusting pictures of cancer infected organs on cigarette packets, youngsters are still taking up smoking. I've never smoked, not even a puff, I grew up with friends who did and sadly several are now suffering for it, lung cancer, COPD and emphysema just a few consequences of wanting to look cool and part of the "in crowd". Very sad 😢.

Debbi58

Thank you for your replies , he doesn't smoke in the house. He was 60 in January and declared, this is the year , he was going to give up smoking . He took early retirement 4 years ago . He's financially secure , it is expensive though nearly £15 now for a packet of 20. Which he buys everyday. For me , it's the effect on his health, I try not to worry about him , but when he coughing so much , it's hard not too. I fear this could come between us

Debbi58, I hear you and know too well how you feel. When I met my late husband I didn't realise he smoked. He never carried his smokes, he never smoked anywhere near me or non smokers. He started smoking daily since he was twelve years old. (That is another story) This makes it nearly impossible to give up, even with an extreme willingness to quit. The cough, phelm, loss of weight is a worry. My husband was very proud he hadn't seen a doctor in over 25 years. I ended up making an altermative and gave him forty-eight hours to agree for me to make him a Doctor's appointment. He wouldn't until I started packing. (I probably wouldn't have left). After he finally saw a doctor, tests same day, more tests next day, major hospital specialists a few days later, he was told he had about four weeks to live. (he lived five weeks after this) Too late for any treatment. He was 64 years when he passed. Sometimes I feel I didn't try hard enough to get him a Doctor's appointment sooner, but not my fault. Shear stubbornness from an incredible strong man of our era, having been taught "push through the pain".

One of my daughters friends has a mother that smokes , she was diagnosed with oesophagus cancer last year. She's had chemotherapy and radiation therapy, she carried on smoking throughout, despite her families concerns .

My husband smoked for 40 years, I hated the smell, he nearly died with pneumonia and didn't smoke again, although I think he may have something wrong with his throat, he won't discuss, burying his head in the sand, 76 going on 2,

Unfortunately it is an addiction, and for many it is difficult, if not impossible to give up. Some can and do stop successfully - my Father was one. He went cold turkey, and never smoked again. He stopped in 1987 so didn’t smoke for 15 years, until his death.

I’m convinced, though, that his smoking had a negative impact on my Mother’s health, who never was a smoker, but died of oesophageal cancer. I think breathing in smoke from his cigarettes for all those years (and probably whilst growing up because Grandad was a heavy smoker, too), contributed to her cancer. I could be wrong, but I’m sure it won’t have helped).

Perhaps you could get your husband to reconsider because of the impact it could be having on your health.

I can't offer much in the way of help/ advice; it sounds as though your husband has to understand how much it is upsetting you.

I can say that I was a heavy smoker for several years , but I did reach a point where I knew that I must stop. I bought nicotine chewing gum and managed to stop smoking after a few months. It wasn't easy.,

Thank-you for your replies, I have twin daughters in their 30's now . We have 3 grandchildren from one of my daughters. They love grandad and have mentioned his smoking to me , but not too him . His Mother just turned 90 , he's her only child . She's asked him as well , I think thatz why he decided to get the vape. I've noticed he only uses it when he thinks anyone is watching him . He keeps his ciggies in his workshop . My own father died of lung cancer aged 70. He had given up smoking in his 40's . He smoked around all of us from babies , the house always smelt of cigarette. I know he was a smoker when we met but it didn't seem to effect him so much as it does now . I suppose I thought he would try harder now its effecting his health so much

Hi OP I really sympathise with you . My father was a heavy smoker for over 40 years . He tried everything to give up . Patches , gum , hypnosis but it never lasted long and he was back smoking. Aged 60 he had a heart attack and needed a bypass . His cardiologist told him to stop smoking or his prognosis would be poor . He stopped that day and never smoked again . I was pregnant with his first grandchild and he said that and his severe health scare was the motivation he needed . Sadly he died from a heart attack age 70 .
As with any addiction, change has to come from the person themselves, which is very frustrating for loved ones .
Due to my father’s smoking , I’ve never smoked and absolutely hate it. As a hygienist I’ve seen the effect on teeth and gums . Thankfully my dh has never smoked and my AC have experimented as teenagers, but have never continued.
Just a thought OP but do you or he have children or grandchildren, who could get on board.

I'm a smoker but haven't smoked in the house for over 10 years now. I smoke in my car when I'm alone or in the garden. I was diagnosed with COPD 15 years ago but still able to get around with some breathlessness. My GP told me there's no cure so no point giving up when I was diagnosed. I tried Vapes for a while but then read they can cause lung damage much faster than cigarettes even in just 2 years, and also popcorn lung. Àll my relatives over 50yrs have COD too.
OP at least send your OH outside to smoke as a compromise. Or only to smoke in the bathroom with the windows open. Best wishes