Going Dutch

I have a niece who has been on an over 50s dating site for a while and been on several dates.

A surprising number of her dates seem to keep their wallet in their other trousers/jacket or simply come out without it. The end result is of course that she ends up paying for both. This is particularly galling as it is still the man who asks for the date and he chooses the venue. Several have also been rather put out that they are not invited back to her flat afterwards.

I am not suggesting that a man should always pay for a woman but surely they should be prepared to go Dutch.

I agree "stomping off" what did the friend expect? you to stump up, why should anyone do that. Absolutely going Duch is reasonable. Sometimes, with friends, we'll treat each other on say a birthday, but there's no set in stone expectation about that.

ferry23

I must be having a thick moment. Why did your friend "stomp off" when picking up the bill?

If someone expects me to pay for their lunch I'd either do so on the understanding we taken it in turns or if you don't want to pay for them make that clear when you plan the meet up. Something along the lines of...

"Looking forward to it - let's clear up any uncertainty now and agree that we split the bill betwen us, it's so much easier that way. Although I do reserve the right to treat you on your birthday!

👏👏👏👏👏

I must be having a thick moment. Why did your friend "stomp off" when picking up the bill?

If someone expects me to pay for their lunch I'd either do so on the understanding we taken it in turns or if you don't want to pay for them make that clear when you plan the meet up. Something along the lines of...

"Looking forward to it - let's clear up any uncertainty now and agree that we split the bill betwen us, it's so much easier that way. Although I do reserve the right to treat you on your birthday!

Maybe a kitty is the answer

I hate it when we go out with the family as we don’t know who’s paying. Mum will sneak up to the counter & sort it out, or DB sorts it.
If I am paying, I will say meal, such & such place, date, our treat, but then when I go to pay someone in the party has picked up the tab. Up to press only managed to pay for one meal out- it just makes me feel tight.

This doesn't really happen to me because my friends and I have an understanding that we share the bill. But if my best mate said he would pay for lunch, and wouldn't let me pay something, saying I could pay for the next one, I would probably do this - the money I took with me but didn't use would be put to one side for the next time. I would them only have to find the money for his meal.

I normally say let’s just pay for our own. Or else I offer.