I have just returned from a break away with a group of women, all of whom are my relatives.
We vary in ages from late 50s to early 70s.
Over the past few years we have noticed one person in particular cannot seem to stop talking. Even when she knows no one is listening she carries on a conversation anyway. It is as if she is on a loop of needing to say something, even if it not related to whatever the topic is about.
She also constantly interrupts, answers questions you may have asked someone else, and seems oblivious to doing so. At one time someone passed me a phone to show me a photo and this person tried to snatch the phone from my hand, as if the phone had been meant for her.
We have learned to ignore this behaviour and just carry on conversations without her, but I now believe she sometimes does it purpose to wind us up.
In addition to this whenever she is alone (I shared the room next door) she constantly sings to herself, has the TV or radio on, and when she comes into a room she starts singing and talking about whatever she has just heard on the radio.
It is as if she cannot bear any silence at all, and needs to fill (or add to) any lull there might be in conversations.
It really did become on the edge of unbearable for the rest of us, and wonder if it may be something pathological/psychological?
We all love her dearly and she is the most generous and giving person, but we really can't deal with her constant retelling of what she has just doen, or telling us what she is about to do. It never stopped!
Does anyone know anyone else like this and what can we do, if anything?
We sometimes try to make a joke of it but she gets in a huff and thinks we're picking on her, and then does it even more, as if she gets some kind of weird pleasure out of it.
I would appreciate some constructive tips that others may have used in this situation. Although we don't want to exclude her from future holiodays, it is getting to the stage where we don't want to go away again at all.
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Do you know anyone like this?
(11 Posts)You say
"I now believe she sometimes does it purpose to wind us up"
"It really did become on the edge of unbearable for the rest of us, and wonder if it may be something pathological psychological
"We sometimes try to make a joke of it but she gets in a huff and thinks we're picking on her, and then does it even more, as if she gets some kind of weird pleasure out of it
Yes I think you are right in that highlighted sentence. And I think its very complex, and no easy answers.
It's the difficulty in managing not only silence - big time - and insisting everything must be "her-related".
I just googled
what is psychologically going on when someone gets pleasure by winding other people up and cannot tolerate silence
It comes up with a number of really insightful points...
I think it may need a group discussion? See what you think.
The thought that arises in my mind is that it might be the slow development of some form of mental illness.
I suggest you follow this link and possible google further
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logorrhea
Has anyone taken her to one side and pointed out firmly how annoying her actions are becoming to the whole group and suggest she stops and thinks before interrupting conversations. Also its very rude and unacceptable to snatch a phone from someone who is not handing it to you.
A bit of blunt tough love is probably the only way to solve it or don't invite her anymore.
Wyllow3
You say
"I now believe she sometimes does it purpose to wind us up"
"It really did become on the edge of unbearable for the rest of us, and wonder if it may be something pathological psychological
"We sometimes try to make a joke of it but she gets in a huff and thinks we're picking on her, and then does it even more, as if she gets some kind of weird pleasure out of it
Yes I think you are right in that highlighted sentence. And I think its very complex, and no easy answers.
It's the difficulty in managing not only silence - big time - and insisting everything must be "her-related".
I just googled
what is psychologically going on when someone gets pleasure by winding other people up and cannot tolerate silence
It comes up with a number of really insightful points...
I think it may need a group discussion? See what you think.
I did almost Google it, but then thought I would come here first, because I thought that some people may find this quite 'normal.' It isn't a new thing with her but is getting progressively worse, which is making us comment on it more and wondering what we can do.
We all care about her but really don't know how to help.
I did joke that she needs to go on a kind of silent retreat where she isn't allowed to talk for a few days- but it was only a joke and I didn't say it to her.
I genuinely feel she can't allow the silence in, which is very sad. She must be exhausted by it.
M0nica
The thought that arises in my mind is that it might be the slow development of some form of mental illness.
I suggest you follow this link and possible google further
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Logorrhea
Thanks Monica- this was very interesting. She is more like the 'comb' person in that she can't just answer a question without embellishing it with detail that doesn't matter.
Sometimes I will say, 'thanks- you have answered the question and that's all I wanted,' but she will still go on, as if she hasn't heard me,
She doesn't make up words as in the second example. I do worry that she had some facial surgery a few years ago and maybe this has affected her nervous system/brain in some way? In which case maybe there isn't much to be done, but it does give a different perspective.
Is her home life happy?
I doubt someone would want to wind up a whole group of friends, as ultimately she could end up excluded.
Nothing much to gain out of that, I'd say.
rosie1959
Has anyone taken her to one side and pointed out firmly how annoying her actions are becoming to the whole group and suggest she stops and thinks before interrupting conversations. Also its very rude and unacceptable to snatch a phone from someone who is not handing it to you.
A bit of blunt tough love is probably the only way to solve it or don't invite her anymore.
We try the tough love but she responds in a hostile way. We don't want to upset her.
There is no way we could leave her out, that would be too hurtful.
At times we would all just leave the room and let her be quiet by herself for a while but I don't know if this may have been sending the wrong message.
I am wondering if there maybe a kind of 'silence therapy' we could suggest, which would get her used to just being quiet for a time. I really don't know.
I think it's some kind of deep seated insecurity on her part.
I couldn’t bear to go on holiday with a group of relatives or friends. Everyone I know would drive me potty after a while even though I actually love them dearly. Probably best not to carry on as why spend good money if you’re being driven mad.
The trouble with silence if there are a lot of troubles inside her head waiting to pop out of she lets go into silence, is that it becomes unbearable, so she fills it with noise.
People can support each other to cope with that - if its admitted.
The trouble with that in your friends case is that not only does she fill part of that silence with self centred attention neediness - but she seems,
From what you say,
To partly fill those painful inside gaps by winding others up to create mini dramas.
But if its possible that she can understand her fear of silence with help then the "winding up" may shrink?
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