Do you know anyone like this?

Funnily enough I also come from a quiet family beachcomber76. which is probably why I don’t find it easy to let noisy people and environments wash over me, like some folk are able to. Sensory overload? Is that the expression?

Oreo

Gingster

My great friend/old neighbour is very similar.

I’ve known her for over 50 years and she’s always been the same. Loves an audience and tells the same old stories over and over.

If there’s someone new to the group, she’s over the moon.
It can become waring but we all put up with it because she’s a very good friend.

Another lady who comes to our Bridge club, hums continually .
It’s like having a bumble bee in the room and is very distracting. She was on our table for afternoon tea last week and still the humming continued. She’s a nervy lady but very sweet. No one has said anything to her for fear of upsetting her.

😄

Very distracting if you’re trying to work out if you’re next bid should be 4NT😁.

Personally I wouldn’t say anything as it would make her very self conscious and she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on her play. Difficult for all.

Keepingquiet. I’m also wondering if she might have ADHD as compulsive talking is one of the symptoms.

Ever thought she might have tinnitus? And can’t bear the silence around her because all she’d otherwise hear is whistling and noise in her ears?

I have a relative who has tinnitus and this was what I thought of too when reading the OP. My family member talks A LOT and also she can't switch her brain off (that's how I describe it) so any conversation which mentions a place, a person a problem etc. causes her to get out her phone or iPad, Google the item and then tell us what she has read. This drives me mad sometimes particularly when we are out for a walk and she is consulting a screen as we go along. She also relates everything you say to herself so if you maybe talk about a holiday a friend just had, or recount what you did last week she will then talk about someone she knows who went there or did that.

She777

I don’t think it’s vindictive or deliberate, I think she is desperately lonely and needs to be loved. You said she is kind and generous too. You may be the only people she has to converse with. I know this feeling well.
I can sit at home with my husband and we barely say a word to each other for days on end (no animosity, he is just a quiet man) so when I see other people I never shut up because it’s a lonely life at home.

This really struck home and I believe is probably at the heart of it all. Her older children have left home, she has a DH who pretty much ignores her and a son who never puts down his phone.

The irony is that she is making herself very difficult to be around, so that compounds the loneliness.

I don't know how she developed such poor conversational skills because it wasn't always this way.

I can deal with this from others, but this person is very close to me and I do care for her welfare.

I think I am going to arrange to meet her for coffee somewhere on her own and suggest we just sit in silence for a short while and see where that goes. We all know there are things she isn't saying to us that she really needs to get out, and I think she is covering up the real conversations with ones that are trivial and unimportant.

Thankyou all so much for your considered and kind replies.

I feel so much better now.

I'm sorry but I think some people are just like this

Do you know her GP? is it worth ringing them to express your concerns?

You might ask her if she is hearing voices in her head.

It's commoner than you think and can be very intrusive and stressful for the person and not in their control.

www.hearing-voices.org/#content

If you see someone talking "to themselves" they may in fact be communicating with the voices in their head; not voluntarily but because they feel compelled.

Sometimes when you see someone using headphones a lot, it's to drown out the voices.

I talk to myself pretty much all the time, & I've never heard voices in my head - not once in 65 years.

I had a relativekly solitary childhood, with a very busy Mum & Dad, think that's how it started.

It helps me rember, and clarify my thoughts (writing things down is best, but if not practical, run through them sotto voice)

Would music help her? Could you talk about how you love listening to music on your phone &~ try to get her something she can listen to on hers? (music or podcast?).

Inside voices becoming outside voices can be common in ppl who are neuro diverse or who have had trauma
It is considered normal

singingnutty

*Ever thought she might have tinnitus? And can’t bear the silence around her because all she’d otherwise hear is whistling and noise in her ears?*

I have a relative who has tinnitus and this was what I thought of too when reading the OP. My family member talks A LOT and also she can't switch her brain off (that's how I describe it) so any conversation which mentions a place, a person a problem etc. causes her to get out her phone or iPad, Google the item and then tell us what she has read. This drives me mad sometimes particularly when we are out for a walk and she is consulting a screen as we go along. She also relates everything you say to herself so if you maybe talk about a holiday a friend just had, or recount what you did last week she will then talk about someone she knows who went there or did that.

I have tinnitus- it is annoying but it doesn't stop me enjoying silence as I can 'think' through it.

I don't think tinnitus is the issue.
I am quite sure she isn't hearing voices either.

You don’t say how old your relative specifically is or whether they live alone. Are they sociable, have friends, attend groups. As others have suggested they may be lonely and simply enjoy chatting away. For some the need to fill silent pauses during conversations is essential as the silence is uncomfortable and they feel compelled to fill the gap.
As for singing in their room, this could simply be the result of feeling happy being on holiday and having company.
If you feel this behaviour can no longer be tolerated, then it’s time for honest discussion, beginning with asking the question how they really are, as you have all noticed a change during your conversations. Make sure they understand that you are all coming from a good place, and trust she will respect your honesty and really think about what you are saying as you do not wish to offend.
It’s not what you say it is a case of how it is said and how it is received by the recipient.
I do hope you can get this sorted, good luck.

Since this seems to be a new issue, over a few years, the OP said, then I think it is a health issue in the brain. Are you ever allowed to visit her in her home? That might reveal a lot especially if you visit with the two of them.

Tinnitus? As Pealsaminger said. My mother had it, its very common. An awful condition if bad. You would be able you find out just by bringing it into the conversation.

Yes, I do visit her home but not often. She spends a lot of her time decorating but gets no help from DH or DS. She likes to see what is trendy in magazines and reproduce it in her home. She likes to project an image of herself as knowing what is on 'trend' etc. No one is interest in being 'trendy' but her.
She is over 60.

I'm a bit like that. I talk over people, I overshare, I sing a lot even though I can't, I involve myself in others conversations and I mostly talk all the time. I've also got adhd. I'm not saying she has but it's possible, and the fact she's female means it would have gone unnoticed all her life.

She hasn't always been this way though, and you seem very self aware and conscious of your behaviour in a way she doesn't seem to be.

Do you have a diagnosis of ADHD and how did that come about, if I'm not prying too much?

Did you become self-aware or did someone suggest you may have it?

Is it that important to put a label on her?

No I didn't come here for a label, I came for some understanding.

Maybe I need to just spend more time with her, just the two of us on our own so I can try to figure out how to help.

That's a good idea, if you can tolerate it.
Is she better with just one to one chats?

Not really- I think I am wishful thinking! I know in advance what things she will say and even how she will say them!

It will be hard work but soon she will have isolated her family and that isn't nice for anyone.

I think I shall have to be a little pro-active and have a plan!

Oh yes I recognise this is in a very dear warm hearted very close relative. I learned ages ago I don’t have to listen to every word as there will be plenty more soon. This lovely person certainly isn’t lonely, has lots of different friendships groups but lived with a person who gradually got deafer and deafer so there was a need to fill the silences. What I found aggravating though was if we’re watching a film or engrossing tv programme we’d both been looking forward to they would talk over it, or engage on the phone chatting to people. The constant tapping on the keyboard drove me potty. I love this person dearly, been together since birth so when we’re together I am prepared, well almost prepared.

keepingquiet

Not really- I think I am wishful thinking! I know in advance what things she will say and even how she will say them!

It will be hard work but soon she will have isolated her family and that isn't nice for anyone.

I think I shall have to be a little pro-active and have a plan!

Yes.
Any idea on a plan?
You need to try and steer the conversation back to the original subject, but how.... thats the problem.
Or, tell her kindly to shut up in a roundabout way.
My neighbour was like this for years- she'd come in countless times a day to talk at me, always the same subjects.
It drove me to tears.

A friend has given her backword on some theatre tickets. I could guess the friend just doesn't want to go.
So, guess who's going now?
I said we ought to go for a meal first-this will give me some time to prepare myself!

Good luck.
You're a very thoughful friend.

Gran22boys

I couldn’t bear to go on holiday with a group of relatives or friends. Everyone I know would drive me potty after a while even though I actually love them dearly. Probably best not to carry on as why spend good money if you’re being driven mad.

😂😂😂😂😂 I kinda feel this way too 🙈🙈