Husband I think is looking for divorce after 50 years.

From your account of your marriage he has been abusive and aggressive throughout. He may or may not have dementia, you can only advise him to speak to his GP. Of course we sign up to try our best to care and support our partners especially when health problems come along. But he hasn't been kind or supportive to you with your health problems or throughout your marriage. You shouldn't be living in fear of him. I personally would hope to have the courage to leave him and go straight to a solicitor. Even if temporarily you have to move out of the bungalow. Keep all the financial papers to show a solicitor and seek their advice.

Visgirl 50/50 split is the starting point when a marriage breaks up, the OP could get more or less.

It does make sense to do seek legal advice now so you'll have some idea of what your position would be if the marriage ends welshmist.

Sounds like to me early signs of dementia mood swings memory loss on a conversation you say his memory is shocking now he has to keep checking the phone calendar and dosent remember from yesterday. He needs to go to get checked out at drs . He sounds as if he’s not very happy man. The more I read it’s a possibility

Silvershadow

Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.

I don't want to move. He could buy a property at twice the value tomorrow. I have good neighbours, two of my children and five grandchildren are nearby.

Silvershadow

Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.

He won't be violent he definitely doesn't want to lose his gun licence

He said last night he'd been doing extensive research apparently I'm a narcissist and have been gaslighting him. I've had the gaslighting accusations thrown at me a few times but narc. That's new.

I've protected our adult children against him time and again as well as I could. He's criticized their choice of career, wives. The wives because they're too sassy and don't know their place. God I'm so tired of blunting his unpleasantness

Either partner can divorce the other and the other partner can't refuse. You could divorce him, and save him the wait.

A no-fault divorce is a legal dissolution of marriage where the spouse filing does not need to prove that the other spouse committed any misconduct, such as adultery, abuse, or abandonment. The petitioner simply needs to demonstrate that the marriage has broken down and cannot be repaired, often referred to as irreconcilable differences or an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage

yanda

My advice would be to secretly get documents of the accumulated wealth...be as devious has he his. If he does decided to divorce you this will be evidence of the assets you both hold.

I hold all the documents he's never had a bloody clue how to do a tax return

Why not sell the bungalow and start again. Take legal advice. If he’s prone to violence, move out surely.

Notagranny44

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.

The bungalow is in joint names but he'll want it sold. There's 250k in the bank in joint names. 800k in a pension, the company is in a trust for our sons after his death.

Notagranny44

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.

I know exactly where the money is. His income is three times mine already. But he hasn't released his private pension to avoid tax. Or to enjoy post divorce.

Physically he's very strong so it might sound silly but I'm physically scared of him still. When he rages or threatens my heartbeat goes wild.

Is the bungalow in joint names?
After a marriage of that length you would be entitled to 50% of everything if he decides he wants to divorce. What someone said previously about dementia is also something to consider.
As you have been doing the financials I expect that you know where the money is, so at least, if either of you decides to divorce, you will know what's what.
So sorry he is being so nasty to you. I wish you all the best and from my own experience I know that divorce is far, far better than an unhappy marriage.

Wow, what a bully . I’d get some legal advice about where you stand if you divorced him . Do you not have a private or work pension ?

Esmay

I'm so sorry that you're going through thus .
Your husband is a bit old for a mid life crisis .I wonder if he hasn't got the beginnings of dementia.
When men are discontented with themselves they can be vicious and cruel .
Don't say anything-just watch what he's up to .
And be aware of your options should you
divorce .

His memory is shocking now even with the phone calendar he has to keep checking.

Just this morning he totally denied a conversation we'd had yesterday.

You are entitled to half of everything.
Sounds like he could be heading towards early onset dementia?

Having both Hips replaced shouldn't hold you back?
Make a note of these outburst and odd behaviour for your future reference.
I Totally agree, get your "Ducks in a row" , and perhaps speak to a Solicitor sooner than later.
Best of luck.

He sure doesn’t sound irresistible weight or no weight 😁
Get your bags packed.

My advice would be to secretly get documents of the accumulated wealth...be as devious has he his. If he does decided to divorce you this will be evidence of the assets you both hold.

Barbadosbelle

GrandmaBatty

....... and transfer as much £money as you can into a personal and private account..

I can't move money we're both on apps so he'd see it. I think reading on Mumsnet solicitors advice is not to

Esmay

I'm so sorry that you're going through thus .
Your husband is a bit old for a mid life crisis .I wonder if he hasn't got the beginnings of dementia.
When men are discontented with themselves they can be vicious and cruel .
Don't say anything-just watch what he's up to .
And be aware of your options should you
divorce .

Do I have to divorce on his say so though. I don't want one. I'm much younger. He was impotent at 50 I was expected to put up with that which grieved me terribly but I believed in our vows. When I suffered terribly before and after hip surgeries he was so angry.

I should say there was some physical violence for the first twenty years until I said I'd call the police next time. He'd have had to explain to his pals why he'd lost his shooting licence if I had. No more pheasant shoots for him

GrandmaBatty

....... and transfer as much £money as you can into a personal and private account..

If he’s having mood swings , I’d be concerned about the onset of dementia. Especially if it’s a new thing . Plus the WLI do sometimes have side effects . My DH felt nauseous and bloated for the first month or so , which definitely made him more grumpy.
Also regarding the WLJ , he could be embarrassed to mention it to you , due to vanity . I’ve heard of several people both male and female secretly using the jabs .
However if he’s wrinkly already , losing a lot of weight will make him more wrinkly, unless he’s using weights or resistance training.
Could you talk to him about his moods ? That would be my suggestion.

Grandmabatty

Why would you stay with him? As mumsnet would say, "Get your ducks in a row."
Quietly organise your own leaving.

I don't want to leave this small bungalow though when he could buy a more expensive house for himself if we did split. He also has a large yacht, a company worth a couple of million. I just want peace now to be honest.

I have the state pension, he's screamed at me to get attendance allowance etc. for hip ops. Honestly I don't qualify.

He wants the state to care for me after decades of us building a company and other properties together.

I'm so sorry that you're going through thus .
Your husband is a bit old for a mid life crisis .I wonder if he hasn't got the beginnings of dementia.
When men are discontented with themselves they can be vicious and cruel .
Don't say anything-just watch what he's up to .
And be aware of your options should you
divorce .

What has your marriage been like the rest of the time? [no need to answer that if you dont want to].

You say you are worried. So presumably you dont want him to leave you?