How would you have felt?

Thank you for sharing that sparkle1234

My dad put my mum through a house window, I called the police, etc, he called me a 'grass'(often).
I was nine.

This just popped up on Instagram...so true

Thank you sparkle1234
It helps when the pain of it all is acknowledged.

Thankyou BlueBelle . Yes, I broke the cycle , I lavished all the love I didn't get upon them , I am so grateful I am able to do that . beachcomber76 I'm sorry you went through this too . 😔

When I was 15 [and not done anything wrong [apart from my bedroom could have been tidier] - my mother said 'I hope someone makes your life as unhappy as you've made mine'.

I was illegitimate [conceived with a man who she didn't know at the time was married] so she needn't have kept me but things were fine, affection, no problems - until she married when I was 10 [I disliked him a lot] and had his children. I'm sure she had post natal depression for a long while.

I was always the black sheep, left out, felt in the way, nagged at, constant criticism etc. Unfortunately I chose to be a bit of a rebel after that [nothing too awful] - to give her something to worry about! Childish I know.

I married when I was 18, had 2 boys who are my pride and joy by the time I was 24 - and settled down [sort of]. I never forgot, never had much confidence, try to keep out of people's way, not to offend etc.

But I never gave up on my mother, I understood what she had been through/was going through. I wouldn't let her go. On her death bed when I was 59 she told me she loved me, and I said the same. Genuinely. I'm 77 now, still bear scars I'm afraid [much more to this story].

So that's how rejection felt/feels to me.

The thing is Sparkle you didn’t visit your mums behaviour on your own children and for that you should pat yourself on the back, you broke what could have been a cycle and I m sure Singingrabbits did the same

Oreo I would suggest that the term natural born simply means biological child as in not adopted or fostered.

I'm a bit late to this but it did resonate with me . My mother was cruel , toxic and a manipulator , but she could also be loving and kind but you never knew what you were going to wake up with , she was so unpredictable.
She suffered from depression and would neglect us for weeks on end until it passed . She would choose times to be particularly cruel , eg after the birth of my children , birthdays etc . There were 6 of us and we all suffered one way or another . She died when I was 39 but I forgave her and the last words I said to her were of thanks for being my Mum . It was the only way I could release myself from some of the childhood trauma and I wanted to be free .
I'm nearly 70 now and I do find myself thinking more and more about things that happened and were said to me but when I do I switch to a happy memory when she was on good form and being generous and kind . Yes there were times . Confusing when you are a child.
I adore my children , my thoughts and actions are only of love for them and I tell them often how proud I am of them . They are my life .
I think a lot of women suffered from mental health issues that went undiagnosed and families suffered . This along with financial difficulties and attitudes to women backthen didn't help . I've tried to understand how my mother's life would have been raising 6 children in a small house and without the finances and time saving mod cons we enjoy today . This has enabled me to let go of it all , enjoy my life , love my children and husband and siblings . Please don't let it continue to haunt your remaining years . Life is for living today and celebrating. Forgive her and let it be .

Agree with SingingRabbits and Sago. I believe some people should never have children. My mother hated responsibility and my father was an ignorant thug.
But I’ve had a good life despite illness and a poisonous divorce, it’s due to a positive outlook on life and understanding people are fallible.

We don't know all the circumstances to make a comment.

sodapop

How some things stick in your mind don't they even after many years. Sorry your parents were so uncaring SingingRabbits.
Have to admit to being a bit puzzled by your natural born child comment.

I think natural born means the Parents weren’t married?

I'm sorry this still haunts you. I think talking it through with a counsellor will help but it doesn't eradicate the damage they have done

Say to me, that is.

My mother would say to
"We had peace when you weren't here" amongst many other hurtful things.
She had dementia in her later years and I did my share of looking after her.
She died 5 years ago and I am delighted to be free of her!

Silvergirl

So sorry to hear you have had to go through this emotional abuse. I hope you realise your parents were in the wrong and not you. Sometimes talking to others who have gone through similar experiences can help. Be proud of all you've accomplished in life without their support.

Thank you Silvergirl it means a lot.

I am naturally scarred but being the scapegoat child means you learn some special skills. you are hyper vigilant and can predict a situation quickly, the ability to read someone quickly and accurately, you learn which battles to fight and those to walk away from, you are happy with your own company and comfortable with being alone rather than not fitting in and finally most scapegoat children have high emotional intelligence.

Also I can spot a narc at 100 miles!😉

So sorry to hear you have had to go through this emotional abuse. I hope you realise your parents were in the wrong and not you. Sometimes talking to others who have gone through similar experiences can help. Be proud of all you've accomplished in life without their support.

Davisjen

Oh my what a dreadful childhood memory.
Have you considered counselling as it not unsurprisingly is still having an effect on you?

My therapy has been my husband, children and a few good friends.

I have read so much about narcissistic abuse, I understand what happened and know it was not my fault.

I wish I had known growing up!

Oh my what a dreadful childhood memory.
Have you considered counselling as it not unsurprisingly is still having an effect on you?

Sorry I didn’t answer your question, yes they wanted the child but for all the wrong reasons.

That could have been my parents.

“I rue the day you were born and guttersnipe you will end up in the gutter” were the favourite ones!

A mother who was a narcissist and a narcissistic father with a very violent streak, I had no chance.

They were both very low in emotional intelligence and should never have had children.

Today I would have been removed and put in care.

Thankfully they are both dead now, my life is so much better.
“

I had a friend whose mother conceived her at the age of 40 during the war. When the mother was really old, the girl looked after her till she died and the mother said to her: I wish you were never born! I think many people in those days could be very harsh. It was the way they were brought up, possibly in very religious homes or places where one of the parents was a bully or indeed both. Know your place. Children should be seen and not heard. Do as you are told.

Poor child, horrible parents. Some people don’t deserve children.

How some things stick in your mind don't they even after many years. Sorry your parents were so uncaring SingingRabbits.
Have to admit to being a bit puzzled by your natural born child comment.

Apologies if this is way off the mark, however an elderly lady I knew had a childhood that could be described in a similar manner.

She was the result of an affair between her father and another woman; his wife agreed to take the baby in and raise her.
The elderly lady was aware of her situation within the family and never quite felt she belonged or was good enough.
Even in her old age and with a family of her own she had a lot of unresolved feelings of bitterness, about everything really.

The comments you remember just made me wonder if there was more to it than you were aware of?
Like I said, if that's way out of line I apologise and am happy for this post to be removed if you wish.