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Wills and Blended Families

(12 Posts)
icanhandthemback Wed 13-Sep-17 15:53:43

Another thread has prompted me to ask for opinions on how we should approach our Wills. Between DH and I we have 6 children. I have 2 with my previous husband, one of whom DH has legally adopted. The other chose not to go down that route. He has 3 children from his previous marriage and between us we have one child. The child who chose not to be adopted has been given a massive amount of money from my mother who does not intend to make this up to the rest of her DGC when she dies. My DH thinks this is grossly unfair and doesn't want my DD to inherit anything when we die so we balance the scales; I don't think I should be pushed into treating my DD differently because of my DM's failings although I do see his report. All the other children have parents who could but may not leave money to them with the exception of our son and the adopted son.
My plan was to divide our estate into 8 with all the children with other parents to get 1/6th and the 2 without to get 2/6ths. DH thinks his children would get short changed because their mother is a bit of a spendthrift (and has 2 more children) so they could end up with very little. This discussion has gone on for the last 20 years without resolution - DH has no idea what to do beyond cutting out my DD who he thinks is spoiled brat. Has anybody got any other ideas so we can actually write a will. As it stands, if he dies first and I die a minute later, it is my children who would get everything and that goes against anything he wants. If it was the other way around but my husband lived long enough, my DD would certainly suffer!

devongirl Wed 13-Sep-17 15:58:43

Spend it all yourselves!! -problem solved smile

Norah Wed 13-Sep-17 16:13:02

Our estate, whatever remains after care etc, will be divide by the number of children and give equal portion to all, nobody suffers.

Ilovecheese Wed 13-Sep-17 16:50:43

Same as Norah, all to be divided equally between all the children, his and mine.
You could make a will leaving your inheritance divided the way you like and he could make one which excludes your daughter, then it would be pot luck, whichever one of you dies first, leaving it up to fate. If you both died at the same time, isn't it that the youngest of the two of you whose will would stand.

CherryHatrick Wed 13-Sep-17 17:02:14

When we made our first wills, we were living in the UK, the children were small, and there was a clause that said if we should die within a month of each other xxxxx would happen. This allowed our wishes not to be cancelled out by the second death and also allowed us to stipulate who had guardianship of the children. Our present wills are made under European rules and inheritance is proscribed.

Starlady Thu 14-Sep-17 01:50:11

I would divide up inheritance equally. If you or DH think anyone has been/might be treated unfairly, you can "even things up" a bit by giving them some money while you're still alive. The others don't even have to know.

Luckylegs9 Thu 14-Sep-17 06:47:39

Divide equally, but please try to spend it doing things that make you both happy.
I have always tried to be generous with all my family, some needing more help than others, but it's not a balance sheet, upon death, whatever is left, treat them the same. How others such as grandparents, treat your children is between them.

icanhandthemback Wed 20-Sep-17 13:17:52

Thank you for your replies. I feel much the same way but have to make sure that OH is on board which is more difficult. I fear if we don't sort this out, my daughter will get nothing if I go first!

Norah Sun 24-Sep-17 15:48:41

Spend it until you are at a sum to care for your last years, enjoy your life.

Nannarose Sun 24-Sep-17 16:34:04

I would talk to your DD about it. If she understands the reasons, and is able to have keepsakes, she may be quite happy with being left out.

mumofmadboys Sun 24-Sep-17 19:31:27

I think it is best to leave money equally to all your kids. I agree with Starlady that you could give monetary gifts ,if you can afford to, to the ones who will be less well off while you are still alive. Life is unfair. Some children are brighter and more capable and have greater earning capacity. However I feel if a DD was left out she could have lasting feelings of being rejected. Oh it is so hard being a parent!! Good luck with it!

Luckylegs9 Wed 27-Sep-17 22:42:52

I think that regardless of our relationship, who has more than the other, who has treated me better, to treat my children both the same. I loved them equally and regardless, want them to know that. My daughter doesn't want me, she has her reasons.

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