Cannabis smoking neighbour

Well it’s clearly illegal and your husband knows what he should do.

So you have a choice, to ask him nicely to smoke away from your home (bottom of the garden) and put up with it if he refuses or you report him and he takes the consequences.

How healthy is it for his children to see him smoking an illegal substance? How is he getting hold of it, is he a supplier of the drug? Or just a buyer?

Either way he is an adult, maybe once he knows that you are onto him he will stop. If not you should report him.

That is a dilemma for you. It’s extremely unlikely he will stop ‘because he knows you’re on to him’.
You say he has routines in place and seems to be aware of the need to set boundaries etc. if he’s smoking strong skunk all day, he’s unlikely to be able to parent consistently once his children are in from school. I expect they’re aware of his cannabis habit - many of their school friends will also have parents who smoke it regularly
I wouldn’t worry that his children will be removed because of his habit. I do worry about the number of children growing up with parents who smoke then get bad tempered because they’ve to rouse themselves to care for their children.

You sound like a caring neighbour. Could you start by raising the impact of his habit on you and your husband. Ask him to contain his smoking area away from you. Then progress to wondering about the impact on his children of the smoke?

You could phone your local children and families team and talk it through with them. They may visit and that may create all kinds of stress for you. Sorry not to have any quick solutions. I feel for yiu

I'm probably the only person in the UK who doesn't know and wouldn't recognise the smell of smoked cannabis. I have been in the presence of people smoking a spliff but didn't notice a vile pong. Maybe it depends on the age of the plant it's from, whether you're outside, etc.

Anyway, never having smoked anything but also never having had to bring up three kids on my own, I do wonder if I'd had to whether I might have turned to some relief from the pressures, such as your good neighbour has.

More fumes than a forest fire? Aye, right.

I suggest you calm down, close your windows temporarily at the appropriate times, invite the kids round for tea once in a while, or him for a coffee and be good neighbours back by not getting him into trouble if the only harm he's doing is "forcing" you to close your windows some of the time. What would happen to his kids if you reported him? Would their going into care not be on your conscience? How do you know it's not medicinal? And a million other questions.

Something being illegal doesn't automatically make it immoral.

Would you feel the same if he were smoking tobacco? Smoke from that has a really vile smell.

I would be very wary of offering to look after his children.
My advice would be to politely ask him not to smoke weed so near your house and don’t get involved.

But harsh there Baggs. The OP expressed concern for the pressure he’s under and worried he may lose his children iff the police are involved.
Many chief con stables and senior officers are at the forefront of suggesting cannabis should be decriminalised. I’ve never known a parent have their children taken into care because of cannabis use.
This man has routines, seems to love his children. That doesn’t mean he’s necessarily an easy neighbour

Thanks for the responses. To pick up on a few points:

I don't mind pipe tobacco smell (my grandad used to smoke a pipe). This is nothing like that. At the risk of being too graphic, those of you who have been in close proximity to a dog which has let a real eye-watering deep-gut fart rip - it stinks like that.
We do close the door and windows each time it happens, but it's at least 10-12 times a day, and when we're trying to enjoy some of the summer air while we have some that's a bit much. The smell permeates the house by the time we've done that - it was not pleasant eating lunch today with that in the air! We wouldn't mind if it was maybe just once at the end of the day when he's winding down, same as us having a glass of wine at the end of the day - we're not downing 12 glasses a day!
He has recently started a driving job, albeit intermittent, and driving under the influence of drugs is illegal, irresponsible and dangerous.
Re asking him to just smoke at the end of the garden is where he sometimes smokes, sometimes out at the front of the house. We live in houses which are in close proximity to each other, so no escaping from it.
It is known to affect the brain development of children if they inhale it, and my husband, since being in ICU with covid 18 months ago, suffers with breathing difficulties.
I think, rather than suffering in silence, and chuntering about it, that one of us is going to have to talk with him about it, and see what the response is.

I'd tell him he's doing a great job with his children. Be very positive.

I'd also just ask him to smoke his dope somewhere further away from your house.

There are many, many worse things he could be doing which wouldn't be illegal but would hurt his children more.

Drinking, having a range of girlfriends, are just two that come to mind.

You'd be surprised how many people smoke dope. I have a friend. Pilar of the community. An award winning teacher. Now retired. Has smoked it all his life.

I would say to him that he needs to be aware that you can smell it, and that probably other people can, too, so he will need to take measures to reduce the whiff.

That will probably be enough, as I expect he is wondering if anyone is "on to him".

Incidentally, I know a nursery worker who smokes weed, and it isn't particularly seen as a problem by the police or their employer, since she is a normal, functioning, intelligent person, and her children are well cared for.

My poor friend's husband is now being peg fed due to throat cancer after a lifetime of weed smoking. It is a reasonable request to ask him to smoke away from your house.

I wouldn't get offering to look after the children except in an emergency. You could be taking on more than you can cope with and getting too involved may cause difficulties later on.
You can be neighbourly without getting too involved.

Something being illegal doesn't automatically make it immoral
It's not good for the children to be brought up in an atmosphere like that, especially if it's skunk. We all know (or should) the consequences of secondhand smoke. That in itself is immoral as well as illegal.

Why should Growing0ldDisgracefully have to shut her doors and windows and stay indoors in summer?

I expect he is stressed but smoking marijuana all day is not going to help in the long-term.
I wouldn't say anything if it was an occasional spliff outside on a summer's evening but this is not.

Where's Mum - is she in the picture?

You'd be surprised how many people smoke dope
No I wouldn't!

I'm with you on horrible smells.
I have several people who live nearby who insist on meaty barbecues as soon as the sun raises it's head.
I find it to be a truly disgusting smell and resent closing my windows.
I know it's not the same.

Well, it's still smoking a joint, I suppose.

At the risk of being too graphic, those of you who have been in close proximity to a dog which has let a real eye-watering deep-gut fart rip - it stinks like that.
Not nicknamed skunk for nothing!
Not that I or anyone I know uses it btw.

MissAdventure

Well, it's still smoking a joint, I suppose.

?

MissAdventure

Well, it's still smoking a joint, I suppose.

Shandy57

My poor friend's husband is now being peg fed due to throat cancer after a lifetime of weed smoking. It is a reasonable request to ask him to smoke away from your house.

I agree about the reasonable request. Cigarette smoking causes cancer too so one could make the same request to a cigarette smoker, I suppose.

Asking him to move further away so that you don't have to close windows and it's not upsetting your DH shows him that you know but also, hopefully, shows him that you think he's a good enough neighbour to keep, so to speak.

Apart from the many spliffs, which is a big problem for you, he sounds like an ideal neighbour, and a great dad - heartening to hear that the children are polite, don't litter, and there's a routine of showers, mealtimes etc.

If it were me I'd have a chat along the lines of... you're doing a great job, it's lovely to have you and your children as neighbours but the smell from the spliffs is too much and causing us a lot of discomfort.

As an aside, does he not remember that your husband works for the Probations Service?

Something being illegal doesn't automatically make it immoral. It's not good for the children to be brought up in an atmosphere like that, especially if it's skunk. We all know (or should) the consequences of secondhand smoke. That in itself is immoral as well as illegal.

My point, calli, as I'm sure you realise, is that there are lots of legal activities that are just as, or more dangerous, and that there are and have been for some time campaigns to decriminalise cannabis. I hold no strong views on that but can see the justification for that argument, as I'm sure most people can when you compare it with other readily available and much consumed legal, drug-containing products.

The man is apparently doing a good job of caring for his children and being, except when his weed fumes spread about, a good neighbour. Those are the most important things.

My point, calli, as I'm sure you realise, is that there are lots of legal activities that are just as, or more dangerous, and that there are and have been for some time campaigns to decriminalise cannabis. I hold no strong views on that but can see the justification for that argument, as I'm sure most people can when you compare it with other readily available and much consumed legal, drug-containing products

Yes, I do know a fair bit although my information may be somewhat out-of-date.

Say you recognize his life stresses but could he please switch to edibles or move away from the house to smoke.
Good luck

Riverwalk

Apart from the many spliffs, which is a big problem for you, he sounds like an ideal neighbour, and a great dad - heartening to hear that the children are polite, don't litter, and there's a routine of showers, mealtimes etc.

If it were me I'd have a chat along the lines of... you're doing a great job, it's lovely to have you and your children as neighbours but the smell from the spliffs is too much and causing us a lot of discomfort.

As an aside, does he not remember that your husband works for the Probations Service?

This post is spot on. I agree! Ask him over for a coffee and a friendly chat, I'm sure you have the skills to be kind about his fathering ability but firm about the smoking, away from your windows. But be understanding and sympathetic.

I do feel for the poor man. Bringing up three children on his own must be mentally and physically demanding. I wouldn't want to do anything to tip him over the edge and cause him to break down under the stress of it all. You should not offer to have the children because it would be understandable if he took advantage. Just be as supportive as you can with chats, that may give him a chance to vent his concerns which may help him.