Gransnet forums

Religion/spirituality

An apology is called for

(32 Posts)
whenim64 Thu 30-Aug-12 23:43:59

We all have our own personal integrity absent so I understand where you're coming from, although I personally don't see a need to apologise for asserting your view or feeling riled about how your comments were responded to. I empathise with anyone who tries to maintain a discussion where there is potential for conflict, when it might degenerate into claims of hurt feelings or personal attacks. That strategy is well known for keeping others at arm's length and stopping discussions when they become too difficult to deal with. It is on a par with that tactic of clutching the chest as though having a heart attack, as soon as unpalatable truths are mentioned. In other words, a way to exert control.

The real skill in conducting a robust discussion to its completion lies in the ability of those who seek clarification and remain open-minded until they know damn well that someone is trying to needle them, then they must surely feel able to air their concerns in order to resolve them. No use pretending the elephant in the room is not there, is it?

JO4 Thu 30-Aug-12 22:34:40

absent. I think you are a natural born flack taker. grin

JO4 Thu 30-Aug-12 22:28:54

Let it go.

It's only a forum on the internet.

kittylester Thu 30-Aug-12 22:26:58

absent flowers

absentgrana Thu 30-Aug-12 22:26:55

JO4 Sometimes (maybe even often) but in this case I feel bad about how I have behaved.

JO4 Thu 30-Aug-12 22:24:53

Drama queen. hmm

absentgrana Thu 30-Aug-12 22:16:02

I need to apologise to all those Gransnetters who wanted to contribute to a serious discussion on this thread because it was badly disrupted by a juvenile disagreement. Gramps, who started a thoughtful conversation, deserves a particular apology – and I am truly sorry.

I should have had more sense than to let myself be riled by the first accusation – that I was unfair – supported by a grotesque misrepresentation of my original post. The viewpoint attributed to me was so fatuous that it was in itself insulting.

However, allowing the benefit of the doubt (scanning posts too quickly, perhaps), I clarified what I had said in the simplest possible terms. Shortly afterwards, exactly the same claim was made about my original post with the same absurd viewpoint attributed to me. I was also advised to read posts carefully – something I invariably do, although clearly my posts were not being read quite so assiduously.

There had also been a gratuitous comment that appeared to denigrate those Gransnetters who were non-Christian. While I didn't feel that this applied specifically to me, I was deeply indignant about it and I have, in any case, taken exception to every throwaway post about Gransnetters who are, apparently, not up to snuff in the view of a self-appointed arbiter.

I tried once again to clarify my viewpoint but was, I think, expressing a degree of anger that was, with hindsight, clearly excessive about something so trivial. Then once the poster launched into victim mode – invariably her default form of defence – I totally unforgivably dropped my lollies. I also made an accusation – of hypocrisy. Justified or not, it was a gross breach of courtesy and forum etiquette which I very much regret.