Belief in Christ

It leaves your marriage right where it was before. Two people can be married and hold very different views on the big things. I have a dear friend who is a vicar and her OH is an atheist - they get on fine, each respecting the other's views.

Think about it - has he really lied to you? I don't think so - he goes to church to reinforce the values that he has taken from religion. Every single person in every pew will have their own take on religion and on Christianity and they will take away different things from a service. Is he a good man? Does he live by the important bits of the 10 commandments and the moral code that goes with it? If so, I think you should not make a big thing of this.

Presumably what he is saying is, not that he doesn't believe that Jesus existed, but that he does not regard him as being alive in any real sense. There will be millions of churchgoers who hold exactly those views.

Do not make the mistake of thinking that his take on it is poorer than yours; that you are right and he is wrong. Religious adherents have done this over centuries and conflict and death flow in their wake.

Enjoy the fact that you live with a man who shares your moral code, even if his views on the existence of JC as a living person are different. Do not let your religious views be a source of division and conflict - that is a negation of your faith, which advocates inclusion and kindness.

That's a very wise post Luckygirl.

Why do you feel confused and betrayed. I would have thought it more important that he lived by the 10 commandments even if he did not believe in Jesus. We all have our own concept of Christ and Jesus.
I personally do not believe that it is necessary to go,to church to believe and be religious. I have known some who go to church every week but in their everyday life have left a lot to be desired in their attitude to their fellow man. I would love your husband for the good and caring man he is and the fact that he lives a good life. Just because he believes differently to you doesn't make any difference.

My recently deceased husband was not religious by any means. However when we were arranging the funeral, our priest said that by his involvement with young people in Scouting, our son's youth football and the way in which he would anything for anyone, he had demonstrated in practice the most important commandment to love one another.

Time to sit down and talk together I think.

CathMary
Of course your DH is the man you thought he was!
Is your problem that you think he lied to you, or that he is not a 'believer'?
You seem very shocked that his 2 children have 'admitted' they do not have a Bible in their house, and their children aren't Christened. Why?
As an Atheist I couldn't care less whether people are believers or not, what does matter is how they live and how they treat others.
It seems from your post that you are putting your religious beliefs above your husband and marriage. You need to get your prorities sorted!

I can understand why you are distressed , your husband takes the sacrament but doesn't believe in the sacrifice Christ made or believe in the sacrament .

Perhaps you need to listen to his views, he believes in God, possibly he doesn't believe Christ is the son of God , some faiths consider Christ as a prophet , no different to Isiah. Or he does not believe Christ existed , only he can tell you.

You can work through this together , if he does not believe you will have to accept it , how he lives his life is important and a good man is a good man regardless of faith

You can talk to your priest if you are still distressed , but please take care , you are judging your husband not on his deeds but on something he said to his daughter who is an atheist , could be he was avoiding a verbal battle with her

And remember, Christ loves him as much as Christ loves you

Cathmary I am not a Christian but I think that tolerance is a virtue.
I suggest you read this obituary of the former Bishop of Durham, the Rt Rev David Jenkins.
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/sep/06/david-jenkins-bishop-durham-biblical-facts-fire-york-minster?0p19G=c
Your OH's inconsistency will pale into insignificance.

I have yet to be convinced that, that, fella existed, there's nothing in the bible that can be proved, no place names where so called "great events" happened are too be found, the miracle have always been suspect to say the least, when you come to his choice of friends you've really got to wonder about his view on women.

People must take responsibility for their actions in every thing that they do, this simply statement is sadly lacking in the bible I read.

We must use church land to build affordably houses and use church wealth to pay for it.

I've heard that there are records of his work in ancient Jewish scripts. He was some type of Rabbi (there were various branches of Judaism, as now.)
But as you say, how do we know the records are authentic?

Should the supreme governor of the Church of England be the first to give up her land and use her wealth to build affordable houses ?

Yes

There is historical evidence of his existence. Simply Google 'historical evidence of Jesus'.

Whether he was the Son of God or a very wise Rabbi or a rabble rouser is open to debate depending on your point of view.

I don't understand why you feel your husband lied to you. Perhaps he omitted to say he didn't believe in Christ but did it ever come up in conversation. If your husband was a lovely man before the question was asked then he's still a lovely man now.

I would say at the heart of my own marriage is the Christian faith I share with my husband. If he lost his faith, I would be shaken to the core and we would need to re-define in some way the relationship we have, but I would nevertheless continue to love the bones of him and value the things that we do continue to have in common.

I find it slightly difficult to understand though, from what you have described, why exactly this fresh understanding has bothered you so much, unless he actually lied to you about something that he knew would matter to you. In which case, if it is so important to you I can't quite get my head around why it hasn't been discussed between you during the last twelve years. Sorry if that doesn't help you much, but I think there may be communication issues to be addressed with your husband so that you can both move on from this.

Why do you feel it necessary that your husband believes exactly the same things as you do? I can understand you being upset if he disrespected your faith or behaved in a way that was not in keeping with it, but from what you say that is not the case.

I too find it difficult when someone close to me has a different opinion about something that is very important to me - and I suspect the same is true of many people. Perhaps it's a need to be in control and if it is then I think it's a need that one should try to resist.

My DH doesn't believe and I do but that doesn't mean I don't respect his views. What we did agree on was that we would marry in a church, our children would be christened, they would be brought up using the values of the 10 commandments and would choose their own religious stance. Only one of our children was confirmed but 5 out of the 6 chose to go to Sunday School. 5 of them went to a faith based school. 3 of our children have chosen not to get their children christened, 1 of them plans to get theirs christened and one desperately wants to but her husband is adamant he doesn't want to.
There is a way through and it may be he hasn't lied to you. Maybe with a lot of the events that have happened in the world his belief has faltered. Even Priests and Vicars experience that!

I am an Atheist but I know enough about Christianity it to think forgiveness and tolerance is in the belief system somewhere?

Like Anniebach, I understand why you're distressed. What would be of concern to me is your husbands participation in communion; if he does not believe in Jesus Christ, should he be taking part in the sacrament?

I can understand why you feel you've been deceived, it's natural to assume that anyone taking communion believes in Jesus. I hope you'll be able to talk about this together. Perhaps in the light of this revelation it would be better if he no longer took communion.