Struggling with Church.

Just be true to yourself. You know your ‘Elder’ is going to attempt to get you to reconsider. I was raised Roman Catholic. Like you, I was doubtful about some stuff, even when very young. In adulthood, I became p, for all intents and purposes, an athiest. I also try to live by Buddhist principles. Buddhism is more of a philosophy than a religion.

Take your time Londonwifi, there is no rush. See how it feels to live without your old church for while. We have different needs at different points in our lives. That church has served you well in the past, but then is not now. Like others here, I was raised in an orthodox religion and went to a Catholic school. (The nuns were great by the way - Sr Catherine could be reduced to giggles, Sr Margaret tried to be stern but couldn't help herself, Sr Theresa was "glam" and elegant in her robes), so they gave me a foundation. My dad, also Catholic, urged me to question news, journals etc. and this included religion. Catholicism was good for me till I was early20s, but since then I see no need for the "crutch" of organised religion, and feel better for it.

I agree with Vampirequeen original post. I gave up on religion about 5 years ago. I have to say that life has been much easier since then. You make your own decision and then live with it. Good luck

So many wise replies. I went through similar conflicts in my 30s, after growing up in the C of E.
IMO each one of us, from our inborn nature, has an affinity with a certain type of religion. Including agnostic or atheist.
We need to search to find the one that's right for us.
So make up your own mind, don't listen to your elder.
I tried others before settling on Judaism.

Its your decision. You are not under any obligation to meet the 'elder' and it would be fine to politely and clearly decline the meeting. There is a risk that your 'inner child' is feeling guilty or obligated here - so find your adult mind set, and act from there. You can be caring towards the 'inner child' - she wants to be heard - but let your adult take the decision. I hope that makes some sense. I wish you well.

I don't say grace, but I have done so in the past, at school and when visiting old people. Saying grace is good whether you are 'religious' or not, as it reminds oneself not to take good things for granted.

If you are religious you are often expected to believe in a supernatural order of being . I understand Buddhism is the only religion with no supernatural being or beings.

I took the decision to have nothing further to do with (my then Christian) religion some 15 years ago. I had come to the conclusion that without religion this world would be a much happier and less violent place. So far nothing has persuaded me that I was wrong.
My sister, a born again Christian, told me a year or so ago that God had done something wonderful in saving her from severe financial difficulties, 'Lord be praised'. I listened while she explained. I said well that's all very nice, but wasn't it this 'God' let the problem arise in the first place?
I'm convinced that religion is no more than a superstition and was probably invented to explain the reason for thunder and lightning. The concept of grace before a meal is something I find disgustingly hypocritical. How can one thank this 'God' for the meal about to be eaten when the same rather nasty God seems content to let so many starve?
Don't see the elder, you'll feel better for it!

I am a Quaker by the way like Alison. Anyone is welcome to come to a Quaker Meeting. Alison describes the Society of Friends well. We call people who come to see what it is like, “enquirers”. There is no pressure to become a Quaker though. It would be pointless if it did not come from the person’s own mind and heart.

I think you can't go wrong if you live life with kindness and good morals. I wouldn't go, your decision is made. Live life your way x

Here are some discussion and debates between Christians and non-Christians that might help.

www.premierchristianradio.com/Shows/Saturday/Unbelievable/Episodes

Everyone has a right to follow their own path and find what has meaning for them personally. It sounds as if you have found something that speaks to you spiritually in the natural world and in Buddhist thinking which is non-theistic. I do too. I don’t think you should meet the elder. You have decided to leave the path you have been on. You do not sound unsure or as if you have questions you want answered. A meeting could be upsetting for you and frustrating for the elder if her aim is to persuade you to stay within the church and you are sure you don’t want to do so. It would be pointless and could upset you both. People have made good suggestions here about how you could decline her invitation gracefully. Good luck. Your thoughts and beliefs may change again in the future. None of us can make ourselves believe something we don’t or make other people believe the same things that we do.

Hello Londonwifi. It’s up to you whether you see your elder or not. You have freedom of belief, as we all do, and it is your right to leave if you wish.

However, the fact that you say Richard Dawkins’ books have a lot to do with your decision to leave makes me wonder if you have pursued your quest for truth as far as you could. Richard Dawkins’ arguments are not as good as they look at first sight. The God Delusion is not respected by professional philosophers – in fact one atheist philosopher said that he was embarrassed by it. Dawkins was beaten in debate by fellow-Oxford academic and Christian John Lennox, and has refused to debate since.

Have you read The Dawkins Letters by David Robertson?

I can also recommend John Lennox’s books and his debates and talks on YouTube.

Isn’t what is true the most important question? Maybe you owe it to yourself to look into this further.

Cat lover, yes exactly and any other religion too
Phloembundle, you have summed up what I was trying to say brilliantly.

As I have a strong faith ( never forced on others) I’m afraid I’m of the opinion you are in the wrong church. The Anglican Church I go to is so welcoming and nobody is told how they should think or worship. These last few weeks some learning disability adults have come to our church with their support worker and were welcomed by everyone . The previous church they had tried to attend wouldn’t shake their hands during the peace. I was so cross , the other church does not deserve to be called Christian, Jesus welcomes everyone and judged nobody. Have some time to think and maybe try somewhere that feels better for you . I wish you well

I went to the same C/E church for 30 years and had many friends there and I had a good social life within church.

We had several vicars and I got on with them all, including the present one. I felt I had to leave last year though, because of his LGBTQ attitude; not homophobic, but that it is a sin to be sexually active in those circumstances. He is basically fundamentalist, won’t entertain the idea of female priests or serve under a female bishop..That church also won’t have anything to do with other churches now which is a great pity, as all denominations used have get togethers locally.

It’s a pity because that particular church has become vibrant with many young people; can’t think why, except it has an excellent primary school attached to it. The church I have moved to is pretty stuck in the mud tbh, but the people are friendly enough, albeit it a predominantly elderly congregation. The vicar is lovely, but I’m not getting as much out of going to church as I used to.

Anyway, sorry for the long preamble to my point. I told my previous vicar my decision and reasons, which didn’t exactly come as surprise to him. We both wanted to talk about it and had a friendly chat. He left our house still on good terms. It has meant I can still go to help at lunches for the older people and various social ‘do’s’ at that church.I can be friendly with him and his wife when we meet, and there is no awkwardness when I meet members of that congregation. I’d like to think you can leave your present church on good terms too.

As far as Buddhism is concerned, if that is what you are drawn to, try it out. My feeling is that people of all faiths and none should walk together with good will. Do what good you can in this world with understanding and kindness.

Sorry for the long post. It has been something that has caused a bit of turmoil for me..

If you feel strongly that religion no longer plays a part in your life then it’s absolutely fine to stay away from all forms of church and belief structures. I am an atheist and wouldn’t appreciate being advised to try another church - for me there are simply no gods and I’m happy with that belief. It’s not a case of just finding the right church - there simply isn’t the right church because I have no faith whatsoever. It would be akin to saying to me (for want if a better analogy) ‘if you don’t believe in fairies perhaps pixies might be more up your street’.

religion is a deeply personal thing, and I personallydon't hink anyone should be made to feel guilty for leaving a Religion.

In fact I disagree with all Religions! Not belief in God or similar - just Religion. I can't help having a deep feeling that all Religions evolved as a form of control. It is difficult to believe that the place your worship in, the clothes you wear or the practices involved make you any closer toGod then you were born to be.

Do not feel guilty. You have found your own path. Meet up for a Coffee, but make sure they are aware that any talk of Religion is off limits.

Has your correspondent thought of attending a Quaker Meeting? Many Friends, such as myself, have come to Quakers from other churches and found remarkable freedom to believe what they like and remain in the Meeting. A frequent saying is that Quakers are "rooted in Christianity, open to new light".. There is a sizeable group called Non Theist Quakers and these, again I am one, are accepted as well as those into Buddhism or even a few with modern Pagan leanings. Quakers have always punched above their weight ( though they are staunchly pacifist). Everyone in a Meeting has responsibility for it. There are no ministers, as everyone is her own priest. The British Quaker movement uses the original method of a silent Meeting, when any one is free to speak of appropriate personal experience or comment on something in the world. Sometimes nobody speaks at all and the peace of a "gathered " Meeting is much valued by Friends. It is, I suppose , a time of meditation but with the chance to share.

PS. Of all the religions I have acquaintance with, I find the Baptists the friendliest and go to several local annual functions arranged by them.

I have been an atheist since I was a teenager. I took RE A level at school and won the yearly subject prize- a book token- the book to be presented in a leaving ceremony. I chose Erik Van Daniken's Chariot of the Gods. That didn't go down well! There are some good debates on religion to listen to on youtube, particularly those involving Christopher Hitchens.

You have freedom of choice.
If you are not sure why not try going to various churches or better still, try and find an 'Alpha Course' - a road to discovery.
I was C of E but became a Catholic when I was 21 - never looked back!
We have a wonderful community who feel not just like friends, but like family surrounding you with love and help whenever needed. Last week, a lady who belongs to our Parish Visiting Group as well as other charitable functions was tragically killed in a road crash. The amount of love and support which has been shown to the family is phenominal.
No matter what, God loves you and will be always there just waiting for you to say yes to Him.
Never more have we needed God in our lives, than today. To me, it sounds like you are still searching - don't give up. 'Seek and you shall find.'

You can do whatever you like. You owe the church elders nothing. Presumably, you went to church because you believed in God, and it was a pleasure to go? No you feel differently, so don't go.

(a non-believer)

If you don't believe than the threat of 'losing salvation' is empty. Why even say it? Changing your mind about religion is not an easy decision. It takes a lot of time and thought especially when you have been indoctrinated since childhood.

Breaking away from the kind of church which has elders is a big thing. It must have been such an important part of your life. But if you no longer believe, it's no good staying with it. My suggestion would be to go to a Quaker meeting. The Quakers are in the Christian tradition but don't insist on an absolute kind of belief, and they are very welcoming.

Follow your own heart and dont allow others to manipulate you. I always listen to others then make my own mind up. You are allowed to try other things to see if it’s right for you, sometimes you have to go down other paths to find what’s right or wrong for you.