My best scammer wind up to date.

I confess to not having read all of the responses, so apologise if I’m duplicating. However you may be doing yourself a great disservice by speaking for so long on the phone. What they do is to learn your voice pattern, by computer, and then they can use your own voice to order things you don’t want, speak to your bank (perhaps) . This is then recorded, and it’s very difficult for you to claim that you didn’t say these things because they’re actually using your own voice. Frustrating though it is you’re better off hanging up quickly. Another point is not to use the word “yes”. If they ask if they’re speaking to X just say “Speaking”. Then when you realise it’s a scam just hang up quickly

Me too. My best one was from someone allegedly from my bank.
Caller: Is that Mrs stewaris
Me: Yes
Caller: I have a special offer for you.
Me: Ok fire on
Caller: I just need to go through some security with you.
Me: Why? You called me so you know who I am.
Caller: But I have a really good offer for you.
and take it from 'Ok, fire on'.
It went on like this for about 20 minutes until he decided to hang up. Never did find out what the special offer was.

That is the best thing I've heard in ages, I hope I can remember some of it for the next call I get.

Some brilliant responses to those awful scam calls.

Laughed so much at the response by Bluebellwould when she was cold called.

Fabulous ,Vampirequeen. We need to beat them at their own game . My latest fun has been to pretend I'm really deaf and when they say it's Amazon or whoever, I say Who ? Oh Hello Susan' and they say 'This is Amazon and I say 'Oh good, Susan, how is your Mother keeping' It's really hard keeping the laugh out of your voice !!

That's a good one. I wouldn't have the patience for that. I just ask them if their mother knows what they do for a living and is she proud of them ?

My brother used to tell them that the person that they wanted to talk to were outside in the garden but would go and fetch them, then put the phone on one side. After 15 minutes or so, he used to go back and ask if they were still there, apologise and say that the person was on the way, but couldn't hurry as they couldn't walk very quickly, then put the phone on one side. He kept one person stuck on the other end of the phone for nearly an hour! As the call hadn't been ended, even if they had put their phone down, they wouldn't have been able to call anyone else!

My husband usually answers "Hampshire Constabulary - do you know the number of the extension required" Then the phone goes dead.

I always enquire whether their Mother know they earn their living trying to con vulnerable people out of their money and would she be proud of them if she did? Never has a response!

Wonderful made my day

I have several calls over the last couple of years referring to a car accident I have had. It is obviously a opportunist call hoping at some point they will get hold of someone who actually has had an accident. I start off by asking which accident. They then ask again. I tell them I have had three accidents recently and need to know which one they are referring to and so the conversation goes on until they eventually hang up!!!

I got one 'following your recent car accident' and saying they could get me Category B compensation. 'Another company has offered me Category B+ compensation, is that better?' The caller sounded very confused and eventually hung up.
When I get those calls from the sub continent I usually ask for a prawn curry to be delivered.

Thank you so much. I laughed until I cried

One of my friends got the "There's a problem with your computer" call and gave the caller access to a virtual machine full of the worst malware available. Yes I do have friends like that! (She's a lecturer in computer security.)

I also play along if Im in the mood. "Oh hold on Ill go and turn the computer on". Then 10 minutes later "goodness you must be right its very slow". Of course meanwhile I am nowhere near the comouter and just getting on with my day and will eventually just hang up on them. It's surprising how long they will hang on for if they think you have fallen for it, and some even ring back after I have hung up!!

We used to get loads of cavity wall insulation ones - obviously "cold callers" rather than scammers. I'd ask them lots of questions about how it did they stop it spreading to the neighbourimg houses as we live in a terrace, eventually leading up tomy finale "where does it go, and how do I get in my rooms if they are full of insulation". "Madam do you have cavity walls...." (we dont!!)

Just wish the scammers I get were ‘real’ people - all the ones I get are recorded messages that I can’t respond to.

I’ve got all sorts of replies stored up ready for a conversation.

My son is always winding up scammers, when I asked why he said the time they are talking to me they are not scamming an old person. ? His latest was HMRC saying a warrant was out for his arrest due to unpaid tax. They didn’t even know his name so he said Ron McDonald and he gave address of local fast food takeaway, after a long conversation he asked them to ring his lawyer, Saul Goodman ( a fictional tv lawyer) who would definitely pay said bill plus a lot more as he said I haven’t paid tax for years and was very sorry. The number was the takeaway. They rang him back to give a load of abuse - he thought it was hilarious.

I actually once had a really decent conversation with a call centre guy. Nothing to do with what he was trying to sell. He thanked me for making a nice change to his usual calls.

These are all such imaginative responses! My mother used to keep a whistle by her phone that she would blow into the receiver before the days of prerecorded scammers.

I was nearly fooled this past year when I was made redundant and so became a freelancer again. I received a phone call from HMRC saying I owed taxes, it gave me a fright till I told DH who said it was a common scam. Because I had changed my tax category I was fooled into thinking I’d mucked up.

I shall try out some of the other posters larks next time I receive such a call, such fun.

Oh, well done! What fun!

Some years ago we had a call from BT to our business:
BT- Can I speak to the person that handles your intenet connection?
H- No he died 3 days ago
BT- Well can I speak to the person who is now handling your internet connection?
H- No, they are all at the funeral and I'm just here answering the telephones
BT- Can you tell me his name?
H- God
BT- How do I get hold of him
H- I just look up and he's always there waiting for me
BT- Is his service reliable
H- I find it so
BT- Can I write to him
H- Some people do leave him written messages
BT- OK Goodbye

There were no condolences just ploughing on.
The worst part was about 4 days later a letter arrived from BT about internet services addressed; "Dear Mr God" and we kept that on our notice board for several years to amuse our clients

Some of these are wonderful. Next time I get a live cold caller, I'm going to have me some fun. Thanks, ladies!

Oh, some wickedly funny ones here! Thank you!
The best one I did, in response to one of those "you've had a car accident" scam calls was:
Me: yes I have had a car accident and I'd be interested in making a claim, but I will have to check with my sergeant first.
Caller: pardon, what do you mean.?
Me: I was driving an unmarked police car at the time of the accident so will need clearance from my sergeant before I can claim.
Caller - puts phone down hurriedly ???

i usually get the one about a virus on my phone line and my pc . i tell them the only virus i got is you . and put down the phone . another my brother told me about he spoke to a person who was expert on the pc . my brother been in pc since they came about in the 1970's ,he asked the chap whose name was wayne ,was his second name kerr? wayne kerr???? slam went the phone . we laughed till we cried .....

Sorry predictatext internet has been playing up so much lately