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Sibling could be stealing from our 98 year old father

(9 Posts)
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Corfu111 Tue 25-Feb-25 18:42:25

My eldest sister helps look after my 98 year old dad, she is very overbearing with him, and often shouts and storms off, and then doesn't see dad for months. My dad gives her money and helped her pay off her mortgage, as she is always asking for money. My sister is quite a scary, bullying, short tempered person and looms over you when she talks. The rest of the family know this and we try to keep an eye on things. Recently I had to gather together all of dads paper bank statements and a lot of them were missing. We had a look through them (dad doesn't have a computer or go online) and saw that he is paying 2 different power companies, my sister pays for the power bill online for him. There are no statements for those either. We now think that our sister is using dads card to pay for her own electricity/gas bill. Otherwise why would there be 2 different power companies for the same address?
Before we can prove anything we have to obtain several months worth of bank statements, but most of them are missing, my dad always keeps his bank statements so he was upset to realise they are missing. Banks and power companies refuse to talk to us as we are not the account holder. Does anyone have any advice?

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Barleyfields Tue 25-Feb-25 18:53:46

I assume nobody has power of attorney? Would your dad be willing to grant a power of attorney to you and maybe someone else in the family, if he is capable? Banks and power companies would then communicate with the attorney(s). You could then get the card held by your sister cancelled and a new one issued, which you could manage.

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Georgesgran Tue 25-Feb-25 18:58:39

Can your Dad answer simple questions over the phone? My Dad was quite deaf, but once I’d accessed his account, I’d pass the phone to him to get through security, then confirm what was needed.
I’m aware lots of banks have closed too, but could you actually take him into a branch to discuss things?

A difficult position for him and you.

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M0nica Tue 25-Feb-25 19:09:35

Corfu1111 Here are links to two factsheets produced by Age UK which explain what a Power of Attorney is and how to complete one.

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney-information-guide/

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/

IF by chance your sister has already got him to give her the POA, your father has the feedom to cancel it at any time and appoint new attorneys.

Other sources of help are Age UK direct. Contact your local branch, Citizens Advice or a solicitor. Some solicitors will give 30 minutes free advice.

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Cossy Tue 25-Feb-25 19:20:21

POA in the medium term, short term, call the power co and your bank and ask your Dad to confirm on the phone is ok for you to discuss his account with you.

Do you have any other siblings??

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Corfu111 Wed 26-Feb-25 07:20:29

Thank you all very much for your replies, food for thought. I think I'll go down the PoA route, as any letters from the bank go missing. Dad is unable to walk safely, so I can't take him into a bank.

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M0nica Wed 26-Feb-25 09:04:49

Speak to the bank and with a bit of luck theywill make a home visit. They will probably also speak to your father on his own for part ofnthe visitnto confirm that he is doing nothing under duress.

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keepingquiet Wed 26-Feb-25 09:07:55

I recently listened to a podcast about how financial PoA is being misused, mostly by care homes and unscrupulous lawyers. It is something that needs looking into very seriously and soon.

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notnecessarilywiser Wed 26-Feb-25 09:21:35

It is possible that he has one supplier for his gas and another for the electricity? I know one or two people who haven't gone for a dual-fuel package.

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