Not my circus, not my monkeys

What a sensible move Peggy o get help -I do hope the they are useful in finding a way through.

I would not take the "reprimand" to heart though. I think it's best if you say "oh dear, that was a silly thing to say" - or similar. I t may even help to show the 6 year old that grown ups also struggle sometimes.

It sounds to me as though the 6 year old is feeling bad about herself in some way.
I think I'd go out of my way to find (and praise) all things she does well (or makes a good effort with).

Thinking of you.

Being reprimanded in front of the granddaughters is one of the issues because of the implications of that to the girls. I asked my son to not do that in the future and he agreed. I love my granddaughters and want to do everything I can to show them love and fit in and have a loving relationship. That is why I agreed to leave everything in Houston and restart a life here with them.

The younger one (6 years old) has a terrible temper and goes from 0 to 60 in a second. there is no predicting what will set her off. I have expressed that I am "scared" of her for the past couple of years when I have visited because of the outbursts. Son and DIL walk on eggshells around her. The 6 y/o doesn't behave that way at school ... only at home.

I am limiting my time and communication with girls for the time being. also have an appointment to see a counselor to help in this adjustment.

Does Peggy find it distasteful to be advised what language the parents prefer, or is Peggy objecting to being "reprimanded" in front of the children?

Thank you for your responses.

Yes, that's a good point, and one I haven't thought of.

Maybe not. .. But it might make a difference to self esteem.

But then I would say that wouldn't I... I've been in the address the behaviour, not the child camp all my adult life.

None of it seems to have made any difference to children's behaviour.

Esmay

I was told not to say good girl or good boy to my grandkids .

‘Address the behaviour, not the child’ is why calling her ‘mean’ or a ‘drama queen’ is frowned upon now. By the same token, ‘Good job’ and ‘well done’ have replaced ‘good boy’ or ‘good girl’.

Say nothing (just think it!)

I was told not to say good girl or good boy to my grandkids .

Hard for you living that close to your family. It is hard to stand by and watch if the kids are turning out to be little brats but I think that is what you have to do. I would just try my best to avoid any conflict and just point them to their a Mum and Dad if they say anything/ do anything you don’t like.Just say , ‘best to ask your Mum about that’, or something!

????? Easybee

Yeah. Say nothing and let your children bring up their children to be ruder than their parents.

I suppose (like someone swearing) if you aren't "corrected" straight away (in front of the children) then the children learn their parents aren't very serious about it.

I think we have always had language we don't like or don't want our children to replicate. Now we just have to learn what our adult children don't like so as to keep everything on an even keel!

As an example, I never used the word "naughty" as it explains nothing about the behaviour - it's as though you want the child to magically know what's wrong

My parents used to use it and it set me on edge.
I'd rather explain ^what isn't acceptable "that's not a very kind way to behave to Grandpa" or "if you do x then y might happen which I think you wouldn't like - or please dont do that as this is a busy road and it would be horrible if z happened"

It's always been my opinion that children respond better if they know why.

I think you just should try to adapt to "their way" and life will be smoother.

I do hope you are very happy in your new home. This is a tiny hiccup and will be over soon.

PeggyT best not to get too involved and leave parenting issues to them, and if alone with the kids when they step out of line just a general telling off about what they’re doing wrong.
Personally I wouldn’t live with my AC and grands but if I did would be reluctant to act as a parent.

Just think it Maybee70 🤭
In Summer I said to the 6 or 7 year old kid next door ‘ look at that fat pigeon eating all my bird food!’ And he laughed then said doubtfully ‘we can’t call him fat, he might be hungry’ so it seems even bird life is off limits😄

I was watching Strictly today and said ‘he’s a bit fat to be dancing like that’ and my 6 year old grandson said ‘ granny, you mustn’t call somebody fat’. Lesson learned: I certainly won’t say anything like that in front of him again

Go with the flow. I am witnessing firsthand in my own family the awful results of doing the opposite. Save yourself the stress.

Thank you for your responses.

Ask yourself if you were having real emotions you were.strughling with and someone said to you you were "mean" or "a drama queen", how would you feel?

That's why it is best not to say those things to children, those are words that will cause an impact because children are just smaller humans.

Just follow your son and dil’s lead. She is their child, not yours, to raise and we need to move with the times. That way there’s no conflict and you’ll all lead happier lives.

I have learned to modify my behaviour around my GC and I think it is for the better.