Reading the thread (with our without the “f”)

I don’t think there is anything wrong with answering the OP and not immersing oneself in what has happened between it and the time one thinks of a reply to it

Perhaps not under normal circumstances, but when OP has initially shared the devastating news of her DH’s diagnosis, shared his progress after treatment and then shared the sad news of his death just last week, surely anybody even glancing through the thread might have noticed the messages of condolence over the last few days, and thought twice about posting jolly “keep positive, hope it all turns out all right, enjoy the time you have together” type messages.

In RL if you know somebody’s partner/parent/child is gravely ill, you phrase your enquiry gently don’t you?
Nothing to do with a SOH Bella or the odd jokey post, but there is a time and a place - and this is one for consideration, kindness, and tact - not to mention common sense.

We are not all perfect, if there are five pages of replies often saying the same thing I skim read which is the way I read anyway.
I'm sure I have gone off-piste at times or got the wrong end of the question completely.
I apologise if I have hurt someone at any time.I also think humour comes into replies some people don't mind the odd jokey ot others want them written in perfectly spelt RP with grammar corrected. Well, you won't get that from me. I have a naughty sense of humour can't spell and my Grammar is something to be believed. Maybe we need an auto-check that puts such things right.

Baggs

*Really? You have conversations where people all say the same thing, one after the other?*

That's not what I said.

I have been in many a conversation where several people have expressed what is essentially the same opinion but each expressed it in their own individual way. I think it's called agreeing with each other 😁

Yes, but that's not what happens on here. Someone says 'you could get a dog', and three posts later someone else says 'why not get a dog'. Rinse and repeat. Even if the OP comes back twenty times to say that she got a dog, his name is Fido and posts a photo of him, there will be people saying 'why don't you get a dog?'

They aren't agreeing with one another, they are repeating previous posts as though the PPs haven't spoken. Saying 'I agree with those who say that a dog might help - we got one five years ago and have never looked back' is agreeing and joining in, not just shouting an opinion from the sidelines.

I hope she does look at the thread again as there are lots of messages of love and support.

Perhaps not today for obvious reasons.

Highlighting the OPs post in a different colour would help

The OP's post is highlighted in a different colour.

Really? You have conversations where people all say the same thing, one after the other?

That's not what I said.

I have been in many a conversation where several people have expressed what is essentially the same opinion but each expressed it in their own individual way. I think it's called agreeing with each other 😁

Highlighting the OPs post in a different colour would help to answer the problem. I am sure the GNs would be mortified if they had read the thread again after their post to know that their comment was seen as insensitive.

Hopefully the OP didn't come back to her thread.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest if other people say the same thing as I do. This happens in "real life" too actually. I'm frankly baffled why people mind. Perhaps they think they 'own' an opinion if they are the first to add it to a thread. Weird.
Really? You have conversations where people all say the same thing, one after the other? Now that's weird to me .

It's not about owning an opinion - nobody owns opinions. It's more about not acknowledging that someone has spoken, which I was brought up to find very rude. Just my opinion, though .

Do you understand the problem with the thread which triggered this one?

And no, I don't think there's a rule about only replying to a post in the thread and not directly to the OP. Threads bumble on...

I agree that reading the thread is just basic politeness. It's exasperating when you've made a comment and someone else says exactly the same thing three posts later, and just as annoying when the same point is made over and over again by people who have clearly just read the OP and posted without bothering to join in by reading other's views. Surely people don't do that in real life conversations? It's akin to ignoring everyone else in the room, but insisting on making your own point.

In real life conversations one can hear all the comments and is unable, out of politeness, to offer one's titbit until an appropriate moment occurs. Online conversations that one reads are not like that.

I don't think there is anything wrong with answering the the OP and not immersing oneself in what has happened between it and the time one thinks of a reply to it.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest if other people say the same thing as I do. This happens in "real life" too actually. I'm frankly baffled why people mind. Perhaps they think they 'own' an opinion if they are the first to add it to a thread. Weird.

Oldnproud

It might help a great deal if we were given the same facility as Mumsnetters have, where you can click to see all the OPs updates on their thread.

Yes, that would be a good idea or even to highlight the OP's posts in a different colour.

Apart from that, it is surely only common courtesy and common sense to check if there have bee any updates from the original poster on such a thread?

Do they return and apologise? No, too much effort
One poster did and said she'd asked for her post to be deleted, and was upset to see it was still there, Germanshepherdsmum.₩

Oldnproud

It might help a great deal if we were given the same facility as Mumsnetters have, where you can click to see all the OPs updates on their thread.

* "" * ""

Or at least be able to see all OP's posts coloured in green.

I agree that on should read the flipping thread first. And, I agree with*Doodle*.

It might help a great deal if we were given the same facility as Mumsnetters have, where you can click to see all the OPs updates on their thread.

It’s sheer laziness and shows a lack of courtesy to others not to read the thread before posting. In this particular case, the comments from people who just couldn’t be bothered to RTFT before adding their two penn’orth may have caused great distress. Do they return and apologise? No, too much effort.

i disagree that it is always necessary to RTFT.
but.
it is only common sense when illness is mentioned or other difficult developing situation, to at least scan the last few posts, and esp the OP's last, before adding a comment.
on other chit-chat i am not going to read reams of comments, and if i have suggested something already mentioned, well so what.
it would be useful if we could jump to OP's next, to read them all together, as on MN, but i doubt we'll get that.
as asking for them to be highlighted falls on deaf ears.
i agree of course with the OP above.

Oof. I didn't see that, but it must have been awkward.

I agree that reading the thread is just basic politeness. It's exasperating when you've made a comment and someone else says exactly the same thing three posts later, and just as annoying when the same point is made over and over again by people who have clearly just read the OP and posted without bothering to join in by reading other's views. Surely people don't do that in real life conversations? It's akin to ignoring everyone else in the room, but insisting on making your own point.

Of course there will be many times when people agree, but why not just say so - I agree with Maw about the need to RTFT.