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What a litany of depressing experiences at the hands of the so called caring professions. Like others here, my experience of care homes has been that, so often, there's a huge gap between the rhetoric of the brochures and the reality of the experience. Reading through this thread, I truly dread the prospect of being suddenly incapacitated in a way that would prevent me from taking responsibility for the ending of my life, as I have always taken responsibility for the living of it. Apologies if my opinion causes anyone distress.

I have worked in the care sector for around 30 years, in many different places, since I worked for an agency for around half of that time.
The homes which provide good, person centred care are few and far between, I'm afraid, and showing training certificates and not smelling of urine does not guarantee good care.
I have seen (and reported) abuse of residents, ranging from terrible incidents, to the all too frequent getting people up and putting them to bed to suit staffing levels, rather than individual preference.
Its fairly obvious that with 5 or 6 staff to 35 or so residents (in well managed homes) something has got to give.
So much depends on good managers, senior staff, and a good ratio, along with compassionate carers.
There have been a few lovely homes along the way where everyone is happy.
I also have always been perplexed that adults with learning disabilities seem to have far superior care, with thought given to their needs and preferences, far more activities, better food, and so on.
I would rather stay at home than spend the last of my years being "assisted to bed" at 6pm, and "assisted" back up at 5am.

I visit an elderly friend who has been in a care home for 5 years. It looks very nice, all doors to the rooms are different with brass door furniture etc. And yes, the staff all talked the talk. . .
I have been there when she was desperate for the loo and when I eventually found a carer she said ‘Oh I. . . often says she wants to go but doesn’t do anything!’ This was one of many concerns that I had.
I spoke to the office and during the conversation was told that the CQC telephoned for an appointment to inspect the home!
It has now been taken over by a different company and for the very first time since she’s been there has been taken on an outing!
She does have a son who lives in the UK but his visits are few and far between-4 times a year if she’s lucky!
Getting old can be very scary for many people , but is it any wonder.

When my my dear dads dementia got really bad and he also had pancreatic cancer I had to make the hat decision to find a suitable care home for him. We basically researched all the homes within a 25 mile radius between him and me. We spoke to them first and then made appointments to visit. How you are welcomed (particularly at short notice) is always interesting. Some were off putting from the moment you entered and I just knew I could never leave my dad in their care. Some were reasonably ok and the lady in charge of one we liked couldn't offer a place but was extremely helpful about what to ask and what to look for. When we visited the home that was to be his final place of rest I cried because it was so lively in all respects. They visited dad at home to assess him. If I had needed care myself it was where I would have wanted to be. The cost was huge but the staff helped me apply for continuing nursing payments which is hard to get and this made a huge difference. Finding care is a minefield and I consider we were extremely lucky but I have to say my dad did have money to afford good care - if he hadn't it might have been a different story which is very sad.

Forgive me for being cynical but my recent experience of the Nursing Home and Home Care industry in this country is poor, and I do not feel that a "Good" rating by CQC is any guarantee of the Care that a person can expect to receive. As someone has said an Inspection can only be a snapshot at that particular time. My mother was transferred to a Nursing Home from hospital last year, and funded by NHS for a few weeks. There is very little choice in such situations because invariably the Nursing Home places available, that NHS is agreeable to fund short term are not rated as "Good" by CQC. I had to fight for my mother to be discharged to one rated "Good" after refusing several on safety grounds. What an eye opener! The staff were often too rushed to attend properly to her, she could not never have a bedpan or commode during meal times, and was put unnecessarily into incontinence pants. Bathroom was cluttered, furniture in her room shabby and broken, and kitchen unhygienic. This was a home which was charging £1000 a week, with extras on top. It was the same problem for Home Care when she came out of the Home and the only Companies available if not totally self funding were those needing improvement. So choice is purely academic unless you are able to pay - a lot! The whole industry is a sad reflection in my opinion of how we regard the elderly and vulnerable in our society, and if we continue to ignore the situation it will only get worse.

I was a little apprehensive reading all of this. My mother has been in a good care home for five years.mshenhas dementia and the care has been very good. She was a difficult patient often shouting and abusive due to the illness. They did tread carefully with her and often needed extra help. My mother in law was an independent woman up till 95 she started to need help with daily chores I struggled on doing most for her but with a full time job became increasingly hard.mwhen she became frail at Christmas she begged me to get her into a home I contacted social services who Sid she wasn't bad enough. We soldiered on after two falls and eventually convinced another social worker she wasnt able to live alone more red tape and told she could go into sheltered accommodation. She could hardly walk. The evening before she was going into the accommodation they relented and she went into my mothers home to her delight. She died four weeks to the day she moved in.

My mother was in a wonderful care home in Hemsby, Norfolk. We lived in London and went each week to see her.The staff were amazing, with outings, competitions, handcraft and the food was excellent. We know this first hand as when my mother had to go into hospital they suggested we stayed in her room so we could visit her each day. They put in another bed and we were very comfortable. The rationale was that as we were paying for the room we should be able to use it! WOW!

I am saddened to say that I am with what seems to be the majority experience.
We lost my father 12 years ago after 5+ years in 3 Care/nursing homes. Previous to that we had managed him at home until we simply couldn’t cope (stroke/vascular dementia)

Tbh it was an (expensive!) nightmare from start to finish. We visited numerous (appalling,) Care homes: ancient facilities, urine smelling surroundings, inexperienced young staff. Finally we chose to take him to the highly rated, recently built and designed for purpose, care home. After 18 months of family concerns, we moved him. He had falllen from his wheelchair and been rushed to hospital. The hospital nursing sister took me to one side and asked if we were aware he had an untreated pressure sore the size of a 50p piece on his bottom (obviously we weren’t and unfortunately he was unable to tell us!). In retrospect, I think the Hospital Nursing Sister was verbally advising of poor care, though we were inexperienced enough to recognise this. On discharge the care home advised they could no longer look after him and he was moved to a sister-company nursing home. After 12 months of constant conflict with the home (total lack of personal care, feeding issues etc, general cleanliness of his room, inexperienced staff etc), and against the home’s advice that any disruption such as moving him to another home would certainly kill him, as a family we decided to take that risk. We moved him to a smaller CSCI lower ranking nursing home where I’m delighted to say he spent his last 18 months. He died loved by all the staff, watched by a happy and adoring family.

I will add that half way through this saga I took a job within the LA Care Sector and after advice contacted CSCI/care Quality Commission. Needless to say, despite jumping through hoops, statutory meetings with both Home and CSCI etc nothing happened officially (through I did hear the Home was ‘advised’ on certain matters retrospectively). A number of years later I was still hearing grumbles/ experiences similar to mine.

With a now 90+ blind and increasingly frail mum (and my DH and I being late 60s) the next few months/years fill us with dread. There is no joy in getting old, and despite being frugal (boring?) with our savings, I am not sure money can ensure good quality of care. Nor does my recent experiences with mum’s local SS/Doctors instil my confidence. The social care sector seems to attract people who need a job. Perhaps it is something to do with the fact that care companies are businesses whose purpose is to make profits whilst ‘front-line staff are low paid on zero hours contracts, given poor training and low respect - I wonder why they tend not to stay? And my experience of both past and recent Social Services: not enough money or front line staff, systems/routines which mean ‘case workers’ are allocated/signed off too quickly, facilitating absolutely no continuity of care and even less job satisfaction!

It seems to me no lessons have been learned, confusion reigns and funding insufficient. And unfortunately Care quality (and it’s monitoring?) remains poor (to be generous!). I am just hoping that when the time comes for us our family are lucky and find a good, caring, home for us. Or even better, we have an ‘instant’ death and our DDs and GDDs have a ball with our money!

In a nutshell my advice would be, as with OFSTED reports: don’t be swayed by CQC reports/offialdom, go with gut instinct and if you have ANY concerns make them known (loudly if necessary). If nothing happens, MOVE ME!!

Just my experience/opinion.......

I have just been looking at care homes as a possibility for my mother who is currently in hospital. I have rejected all of them and trying to get a care package that will enable her to return to her own home. I read the CQC reports and they did give me some basic information to base my questions on. However I found the lack of factual information very unhelpful. I was shocked by the size of all the rooms I looked at. If someone had stated the size in the reports I would probably never have gone to look at them. I was shocked in one home to see room doors left open and residents in bed to be viewed by any one passing. I think if the CQC really want to help people choosing care homes they should publish in their reports details such as room sizes, staff /residents ratios, staff turn over numbers, temporary and agency staff numbers, number of residents with specific conditions (anon of course) and other details. I found some of the comments made a bit PC. For example staff in one place were pulled up for calling plastic covers "bibs". I know the word is now used mostly for babies but it previously referred to front of shirts/blouses etc. You wore "Your best bib and tucker" Certainly older people would recognise the word more than a clothes protector.

Working in a home:
"Ethel, would you like to put on some personal protective clothing before dinner?"
"Eh? Some what?!"
"Some personal protective clothing - you know, to cover up your dress and make sure you don't spill anything down it".
"No! I want a bib like that old girl over there is wearing!"

Miss Adventure!!!

I think it's probably easier to find a good "Care" home where residents are less dependent and are frequently able to speak for themselves, but a good caring "Nursing" home is as rare as hen's teeth in my experience.

When MIL needed to go into a home and we were visiting those recommended to us we were appalled at the smell of urine that greeted us at each of the front doors without exception. The air fresheners were worse than the smell they were attempting to disguise! We saw people sitting on toilets in full view of anyone passing and they were calling for someone to attend to them. In one home there were four people sharing a room which I would have found acceptable for two at a push on a much reduced rate but apparently it was a case of dead men's shoes and you waited your turn to get into the larger more private rooms or paid additional fees to jump the queue. Generally there was a very apparent lack of interest in providing any activities. Fortunately we found a brand new home which had no official ratings and, although very pricey, proved to be a very good 'home from home'. As regards the reports they are general and I do not think that the criteria are as comprehensive as they could be and not one home was able to say whether the inspections were pre planned or a sudden unannounced drop in inspection. That alone would make a huge difference.
In one home we were told that if the food provided was not appropriate for MIL we could order food in for her at additional cost as they were too busy to provide for individual dietary needs and that was in spite of their blurb to the contrary!
We found the whole experience dispiriting and it made us much more concerned about our own futures.

DH and I both pray that we will continue to function well mentally and that we do not deteriorate physically any more than we already have so that we will manage on our own to our dying day because, like so many others, we dread having to go into a home. Our family know our concerns and we are currently setting up POA etc so that our DD will be able to have the last word. They know we would prefer to remain in our own home but we are putting our trust in DD to monitor closely what happens to us especially if we need more care. DS and DDIL will also have input to back up DD.

My experience of a care home relates to the one around the corner from where I live. The staff take a short cut past my house to get to work, and I often find myself smiling at the enthusiastic greetings and chats that go on between the night shift leavers and the day shift arrivals as they stop for a quick chat outside my gate - the staff are mostly West Indian and African people, men and women.

Then my neighbour became very ill and he was admitted there for respite, so I used to go and visit (he has now sadly passed away). I was struck by how "homely" his room was, the staff had moved his bed so that he could look out of the window, photographs of his family hung on the walls, he had a bed-cover from home and his wife beside him on a reclining chair. He was content and comfortable. The whole place was spotless.

And, the friendly and happy atmosphere that I picked up from the staff as they swap shifts, pervaded the place, with everyone, from the receptionist to the nurses, to the cleaners, smiling and welcoming.

Happy staff, happy place, happy people in care!

Re a comment made upthread about advance notice of inspection, I was on my local GP practice Patient Participation Group and when they knew the CQC were coming, everything was spruced up for the occasion and we even had a "mock inspection"...

There are unannounced inspections. I was the person in charge during a 7 hour surprise visit by CQC.
It was a lovely place, everyone was well cared for, (adults with learning disabilities) so it all went well.
I was asked to show how peoples spiritual welfare was catered for, amongst other things.
I'm amazed how homes for the elderly cope with such scrutiny, to be honest, considering the huge chasm between the two services.

Haven't had to look yet but my criteria is what does the home look like, what do the staff think of the home, what is the staff turnover, if it's too high then walk away. Read reviews online to get a general feel. If possible speak to the residents, see what their demeanor is like, check visiting times and what access is like for visits. Hopefully will never need to use one but time will tell!

a few years ago an elderly relative needed to go into a nursing home. A nightmare trying to sort, no help or advice from the authorities, lots of mis-information as way too many departments involved but nobody talking to each other so going round in circles. In the end we found a nursing home which was suitable. It had to be self-funded at just over £1k a week. We were happy with the care that our relative received, she was well looked after and we were kept informed of anything that we needed to know by the staff. we were happy with the home and the service but not at all happy with the nightmare of trying to sort it out and pay for it without any help.

Having someone who can be a first port of call about what you need could save the country a lot of money. My in laws needed to go into a home as we could no longer cope after Dad became bed bound and Mum’s Alzheimer’s got worse. As Mum couldn’t giver her permission to voluntarily go into a home I thought that Social Workers needed to be involved and battles to get assessments, advice etc for several weeks wasting their time as I eventually found out that if you are self funding you don’t need any of that. The home that I found sent a Manager to assess and they were admitted within a week.

My grandfather was in a care home, we did our best to check it out, however it’s impossible to be there all the time. We visited daily & overall he was treated well. Sadly one of the other residents managed to leave through a fire exit in the middle of the night during winter & died due to hypothermia. My grandfather left soon after

My brother in law (age 75) went into a care home suffering with Vascular Dementia, he was there for three years before he passed away. It was a BUPA care home, although he was not mistreated, his care was very limited. He was doubly incontinent, the room often smelt strongly of pee. He was not moved out of his bed for the three years he was there. The food was not at all acceptable.Sometimes drinks were just left on the side, of course my brother in law was unable to feed himself. My sister did not like to complain in case the home took it out on her husband. I only hope that me or any of my family can be cared for at home.

Before an elderly family member of mine died our family began looking into the availability of care homes in and around our home town, and to be honest it was pretty disheartening. The staff and carers were warm and kind, but it was clear that as my family member would be unable to put any money towards their own care they type of home they would be able to access would be very limited, and not what you would hope for a family member's last days. It just seems as though there is nowhere near enough government funding.

You need to think in advance if possible and do lots of research - internet, local authorities etc but then visit the homes yourself - listen to what they say but look and observe - does what you observe match what is said

Having to try and get some home care in place for my father in the later stages of MND was possibly one of the hardest things we had to do. We seemed to go around in circles with different teams before anyone would agree to do anything.

I worked as a Care Assistant for 22 years, until recently, when I found a better type of work (with double the wage!).

I worked in a home where I saw the appalling neglect and lack of respect or care for the residents (I stayed for ONE shift and didn't go back). There was an inspection by CQC due the following day, and the manager of the home was very concerned that all the bedding should be clean and ironed (the ONE iron had 1/2in thick black burnt stuff on the sole)
During my whole 6 hours there, I saw carers who didn't care! Residents left on toilets, unattended, door open. A lady who'd wet herself, the carer tried to undress her in the hallway! 3 carers grappled with her. The home was shut down eventually - due to relatives ringing the Adult Care Social Services(I did too). There were a number of cases of abuse found, including sexual, yet the CQC had actually found their visit to be ok!

I worked in care homes for over twenty years -- my sister still does. In my opinion nothing really changes in these places -- you have this report -- that report, etc, etc -- why ?
CARE isn't rocket-science -- keep people clean, warm, well-fed, loved and stimulated -- in other words -- treat people as you would wish to be treated -- care for each individual as you would care for your own parents or children. Inspect homes UNANNOUNCED and more regularly -- unfortunately many homes are run for profit businesses -- and as such PROFIT will always be put above all else -- including client care. Raise the qualifications needed to become a carer, alongside the wages, whilst homes are allowed to employ lowly qualified staff on lowly rates of pay,they will get exactly what they pay for -- inexperienced carers at best, at worst people who really do not want to do the job.Society needs to value older people more.