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The hardest part of finding a care home was finding one with an immediate vacancy. In my case, even more difficult because I needed a double room for a married couple who would not sleep apart. They moved in after a crisis so we had to take what was available, 2 single rooms, but they refused to be separated and the nurses managed to squeeze two beds side by side.

The home was very pleasant, but I was concerned that all the staff were Filipinas. They were wonderfully caring and gentle but it bothered me that no-one on the staff could have those little chitter-chatter conversations with residents about long gone tv programmes, shops, clothes and cultural icons and traditions that are so important to elderly people, most of whom have dementia to some level

The home was too expensive for a long stay, but then we had to find a home with a double room immediately available - and convenient to visit. It took weeks, but we did find it in the end. It was cheaper, but still fairly expensive and part of a chain. It impressed me from the start. It was clean and didn't smell - ever, in the six years my aunt was eventually there. The reception/circulation areas were open and interconnected, so there were staff moving round them all the time, giving a continual feel of bustle and activity and able to chat to residents as they went about their activities.

The food was good but unexciting. I stayed for lunch several times. Wine and sherry were served with lunch for those who wanted it. The staff were a wide range of edges and nationalities and turnover seemed low. Residents were treated with dignity, none of the dreadful things Quietdragon reported.

I was very happy with the care my relations received.

I have always said to my family that if I get to the stage where I cannot look after myself they are to put me in a home as I don't want them having the pressure and hard work that I know it entails. My mother had to go in a care home upon release from hospital for physio and to get her back on her feet.For all the good reports etc it was all "fur coat but no knickers" as my dad used to say, What it had to offer on paper looked really good but in reality it was "just on paper".My mum didn't stay long I had her moved back to her flat and I cared for her until she passed away.I still don't want my children to have the burden of looking after me but the thought of going into a care home is scarey

I think the most obvious thing is that you get what you pay for when it comes to care homes, the more expensive they are the better the facilities, the living accommodation and the quality of staff available and when they are available. My parents are both still lucky enough to live in their own home but I know from conversations that they would hate to have to spend their life savings on a care home where they are left to sit in a chair in a corner, being tended to by people who may or may not be in the job for what it is rather than the fact that it is a job. They would far rather stay in their home and have carers or family visit them and help as much as possible.

I have only good things to say about the North Wales social care system

My mum is in a care home and has been for the last 4 years. I can only visit occasionally because we live so far away but my sister goes to visit nearly every day. It seems a cheery place with friendly staff. Belongings go missing sometimes never to reappear even specs with her name on. If she has health problems it is difficult to find someone on shift who knows what medication she has been given. She is on oxygen which means she can't wear her hearing aids which really isolates her and makes her slight dementia worse. She does seem to have to wait for the toilet and I think as she can't move at all the staff are inclined to let her use pads. However it is difficult to know whether she has just been and has forgotten as time is a bit of an alien concept for her now. She was delighted when she had her nails painted once and it just shows how a little thing can make a huge difference to someones well being. I believe she is well fed and comfortable and does well for nearly 91 but realistically she has no quality of life. The whole care home situation is so depressing but at least she seems better off than a lot of others in that situation.

We have visited quite a few care homes and you really get a feel for them when you visit. Luckily we know what to look for as we have a family member that owns care homes up North.

I worked for over 10 years in a Care Home which was excellent and was rated as such. Please be aware that people with mental and/or physical problems do have problems with control of their bowels. Even if you change them within minutes of the event there will be a smell. If you use too much spray to cover the smell it can be quite toxic and unpleasant. There really is no perfect answer; it is just a fact of life.

It is a fair point about people not having control, and the difficulties of dealing with it in as dignified and hygienic a way possible.

The problem is that - as people other than me have pointed out - staffing ratios, resident numbers, attitude, timing etc can all play a part. I once was told by an elderly relative that he was bursting for a pee but I mustn't tell the staff, even though he was effectively trapped in a heavy chair by his disability. He seemed almost scared. An hour later he was in visible agony by which time I had twice quietly gone against his wishes to be informed by staff that "it wasn't his time for the toilet" but (big, longsuffering sighs) they would take him later.

I later phoned the care home manager and complained. She agreed he should have been taken immediately and said I should always speak up for him if he was uncomfortable, which I had done. It almost felt like she thought I was lying, but I couldn't find her at the time to take it up a level.

That wasn't the only incident, but - like a previous poster - I still feel too upset about things I saw there and have no proof. No wonder people resort to secret filming.

My mother used to say: "Never get old." And now I know why.

IN a word my experience of the care system is appealing when my husband was dying of cancer i need at bit of extra help. The so called care given was disgusting and I caught the carer smoking in my home!!! I went back to caring for him by myself with no support from the care system or any of the so call charities. . I recently try to access care for someone with server mental health issues. This lady has no support and never leaves her home, after 2 years of trying i have taken over this role as there has been no help or support. Care system what care system?

We checked out all the local homes via CQC reports when we were looking for a home for my DMIL, and visited those we put on a short-list. We didn't place too much importance on recommendations from friends etc, as these can be very subjective. The location was very important for us, as we wanted DMIL to have regular visits from family and her friends, in the area she'd always lived in. In the end we found a good home for her - clean and bright, caring staff, good food, and her own things around her - and it justified the good report the CQC had given. We visited at all sorts of times during the day while she lived there, and always came away with a good impression - sometimes she'd have a member of staff sitting with her, just having a chat and a laugh, and she was always well-dressed and cared for. The only downside, to us, was the lack of social activities. This was not so much an issue for DMIL, as we could wheel her out to the local park or library, and she could still manage her crafts, loved her reading, and had visitors at least once a day. But for the residents who didn't have visits or hobbies they could still do, there was little apart from the visits from school choirs at Christmas etc, a bit of a firework party on Bonfire Night and a very occasional singer to entertain them. For most of the time, there was just the TV room, with a massive screen but no choice of viewing, unless they stayed in their room. We hadn't picked up on this from the CQC report, and it would have been helpful if this aspect had been given more prominence. A day doing nothing must be a very long day indeed.

I used to work in a care home many years ago cooking and am afraid I used to be told to make a pan of stew just with vegetables ,potatoes and stock and no meat to save money and a packet made cheesecake between 20 residents these poor people were always starving due to lack of food and the care and treatment they got was abysmal I didn’t last long in that job as I just couldn’t stomach the treatment they received when it came to my father needing care I took care of him as the care homes I visited didn’t seem any better than the one I worked in I have told my daughter that under no circumstances is she to put me or her father in one when the time comes as selfish as that may seem I will never have any faith in such places as people have previously pointed out there are places that have amazing facilities that don’t get used and are charged extortionate amounts of money but these places are no better than a no frills care home as they don’t provide any better services and they don’t treat people with anymore care or respect

Sadly my experiences have been dismal. Seeing my own mother treated like an inconvenience with 'care' staff treating her as though she didn't matter.

Not keeping either the accommodation or my mother in a fit and comfortable manner. Catering consisting of barely warmed through tinned and frozen convenience foods and a general lack of care, empathy and concern.

I'm frankly afraid that I might find myself in the same or possibly worse scenario should my own health deteriorate.

I find that Google is the best place to find info on where to find care

I've seen many glossy brochures showing how wonderful care homes are for the elderly in my area, but I've also heard from friends who have relatives in the same care homes and they do not come up to the high standards as claimed in their literature. Also local news reports of terrible goings on, such as abuse of the elderly in one particular home. After much deliberation, I am going to care for my Dad myself and have him stay with us rather than place him in a residential care home.

In my 15 years as a mobile manicurist I have visited a wide variety of care homes to do people's nails. Some of my visits left me open mouthed with shock at what some older people have to put up with, while at the other end of the scale, I was in awe of the care provided. It all seems to hinge on the quality of management and the choice of staff.
In one particularly poorly run home, every time I visited I would find myself left " in charge " of the lounge full of elderly folk where I was trying to do one customer's nails. Staff would magically disappear when I arrived. On searching for them I found them on one occasion out the back smoking and laughing.
In one dire establishment I found an elderly man with an open shirt and sores on his chest. The sores were full of flies. I had never seen anything like that before and no one seemed to care.
At the other end I have visited some wonderful homes where the needs of the residents were top of the agenda. The entertainment provided was genuine here, not just a fictional list put up to keep the inspectors happy. Singers and musicians came, physical therapists who organised games of tennis played with huge light bats and balloons. Such laughter from people who normally sad sombre and quiet. One home had a brilliant activity room full of things that would stimulate the fading memories of residents with dementia, from music to films, pictures, dressing up costumes etc. There was a qualified person in charge who made sure everyone got the most they could out of their time there.
I have seen cruelty and great kindness. It all depends on the attitude, intelligence and training of the management and staff.

money is a huge factor. i was recently in hospital on a vascular ward, where a woman in her 80s was waiting for a council run care home place. She couldnt afford a private care home. She had been in hospital 3 years because the hospital werent able to send her home as she wasnt safe on her own. This is a huge problem as she was taking up a bed that other people could have been using, not that this was her fault. I worry that not everyone can afford private care and have to wait years possibly for council run care services x

I've not been in that decision but people I know have. It's a very difficult decision and finding a care home which you can put your utmost trust and confidence in seems to be so hard and very costly. I saw one friend who's whole life became caring for her mother at home and she was completely worn out and became ill herself at times. I dread the day it comes that I have to think about these things for myself!!

my mum had care. Everything went surprisingly well and they were extremely thoughtful.

I think it's important to ask local people for their experiences and recommendations. Ask staff if they enjoy working at care homes. Visit at all times of day

Our daughter is disabled and in her 30s. After a bad relationship break-up she needed help in getting a home of her own suitable for her disabilities. Atm she is living with us but as using a stair life is deemed unsafe by doctors due to seizures she is stuck in one room and has no access to outside and it is not safe as getting her out in an emergency would be very difficult.
A social worker came to help her. And in a nutshell did everything wrong, filled in the form wrong and insisted our DD signed it, made all sorts of promises and gave us information which seems to have been incorrect. A year on and we have got nowhere, the social worker went on sick-leave and never returned and our Dd hasn't been allocated another. Our dauthter's complaint letter has yet to be answered. Myself and husband both have health issues which means we are all finding the situation really hard.

I don't have any recent experience of Adult Social Care in terms of being a customer, but about 8 years ago when my own elderly aunt was needing care, our family's experience was a positive one.

I do work in a role which requires me to work closely with colleagues in Adult Social Care; they do try their very best to help but are under funded and over stretched. Something drastic needs to be done to improve the situation, not only for the clients but the workers themselves who are leaving in droves (I don't blame them) but I'm not sure what the short-term or long-term solution is.

My friend who is now 90 tried living with her daughter who has a large family. They made special room for her upstairs and downstairs unfortunately it didn’t work out. She returned to her own home and after some illness the family found a home for her. When I visited she was sitting in one of several large bright rooms on the ground floor. All the other people were just sat there with no conversation or activity. My friend had a large room at the pront of the property with a great view. It was a distance from her home but near a son. She was not at all happy and very distressed.
Her daughter had her moved to a home opposite her which was nowhere near as modern but the staff tried to engage the pepper there as much as possible. My friend has a much smaller room but is able to be taken across the road to her daughters and grandchildren are teenagers or early twenties and can do a lot for her and with her. When I saw her she was back to her old self. Frail but very happy and settled in the home. Feeling they were really cared for.

We are struggling with this at the moment as a family. My Dad requires a dementia care home and we feel quite isolated and unsure who is best to advise on his needs. We've actually found family friends who have been through a similar experience the most honest and helpful.

We researched lots of care homes when we were searching for a place for my husbands Mum who had dementia.
Narrowed it down to a few which we visited in person. One looked amazing from the outside , all modern and clinical but when we met the manager he was so offhand and didn't even know the names of his staff!
We settled on another one close by which had a much more homely feel and staff that really cared. They all came in for at least 3 hours on Christmas day, taking time away from their own families to help make it a lovely Christmas for the residents.

My mother's time in hospital was atrocious to the extent that I put in official complaints. We then both asked repeatedly for her to go home, this happened months after it should as they needed her bed as the ward was being closed.

Social Services were also a nightmare with staff who didn't care and basically lied both by phone, face to face and by email. We found a lovely home for her, which then sadly closed but she is now in another that cares for her, and I mean care - she can choose what she does and they arrange for her hair to be done and put on nail varnish for her.

Her dementia is now pronounced and I know that I could never care for her the way that they do although it breaks my heart every time I visit and have to introduce myself to her.