Is funeral planning a conversation you've had with your family?

M0nica

Funerals are for those still living. Only funeral plans are for the potential deceased. We do not know what our children and friends need to do for catharsis after our deaths, so I think it very cruel not to leave everything in their hands to do as they wish after you have died.

The trouble is Monica a lot of families can't agree so fall out and never speak again. So sad. At least if they have instructions they hopefully stick to that and there can be no falling out about it. I saw it in my mother's family after my grandparents died and have seen it with friends loads of times. Even when a POA is in place they start disagreeing about other things long before death. Harder to be an only child but much easier for some in the end.

Absolutely. When DH was dying, he made very clear what hymns he wanted, and what “incidental” music. It made life so much easier.
A few months earlier, when our son died very suddenly and unexpectedly, we had not a clue what he would have wanted and it added to the grief we were experiencing.

I haven’t had any conversation, and I won’t. I’ll be dead, so it will matter not at all to me what my funeral is like, I’m just not interested in it. My children won’t fall out, they never have, so I’m confident to leave it to them to plan whether they like, or nothing, as they will be the ones who remember the event later. I’ve done all the Power of Attorney and will side of things, though, as I think that actually is important for them..

My dilemma is that I do not want to be cremated (fills me with horror) but planted. Two children no speakies, one in NY, himself won't discuss it.

When I was last hospitalised, I wrote to the local vicar, requesting a discussion for a burial. He never replied. Organising a fully fledged funeral is pointless, as I don't know anyone here.

I just wanted to get things sorted before I popped my clogs.

Any suggestions?

Traditional funeral as my husband had , I’m religious but not my children , but they “enjoyedl Jim’s funeral so theoretically going with the flow

Mr. S. and I have made our wishes clear to one another and I've discussed mine with my closest friends.

We both want a religious service and to be cremated and neither of us wants our ES in attendance, not that that would be likely to happen, but it's important enough for us to say so.

I'm sorted, I have arranged a direct cremation, with none of the religious stuff. My kids know all about it, I have told them if they want to have a party at any time there will be enough cash in my bank to permit this and what's left will go to the myriad grandkids.

grandMattie

Absolutely. When DH was dying, he made very clear what hymns he wanted, and what “incidental” music. It made life so much easier.
A few months earlier, when our son died very suddenly and unexpectedly, we had not a clue what he would have wanted and it added to the grief we were experiencing.

Sorry for your sad loss, the same sadly happened to us and we were in exactly the same position. Thankfully we had a wonderful undertaker. The only thing we knew was that he carried a donor card and wanted to donate all his organs which we obviously respected. It actually helped us a lot knowing part of him is hopefully still walking around out there.

My Son wants the final say, I did'nt get to say goodbye to my Mum or attend the funeral and closure was really difficult, so my Son will arrange things, it helps one to say goodbye and get closure.

Pure cremation for us both. DD have said that they’re very pleased not to have the stress and emotional trauma of funerals. This is of course a personal choice and I understand a funeral is an important goodbye for some. I loathed every second of my beloved mother’s funeral, and a stranger talking about her life given to the vicar by my stepfather was so wrong.
He was insistent on organising everything with the very best intentions. I was 36 when she died and I still regret not being brave enough to stay away. She is still in my heart where she belongs.

I hadn't thought about it much until the last couple of years. I'm now 77 and my husband is 80. Old age seems to creep up on us! I don't really care what sort of funeral I have but I have made it clear that it must be a cremation. My husband says he doesn't want a funeral but has yet to do any planning. Despite a few blips along the way, we are both in reasonably good health although I am aware that this could change in the blink of an eye.

The only discussion I’ve ever had was with dh, telling him I do NOT want some ‘celebrant’ who didn’t know me from Eve, conducting a service.

This came about after a neighbour’s funeral, where a grossly fat male celebrant in a hideous, cheap-looking and ill-fitting bright blue suit, was doing the honours - if you can call them that.

I kept looking at the coffin and imagining our neighbour - a former model in the early 60s model who was featured several times on the front cover of Vogue - turning over and over.

The only other thing, we have a recording of my niece, then still at school, singing an absolutely beautiful soprano solo of Panis Angelicus, with her school choir. If there’s to be any music, I’d like that.
We played it at my DM’s funeral, too.

I had some money 15 years ago that needed spending (wish I had it now 🤣) so I bought a plot and paid for a burial with all the trimmings at Herongate Blue Bell wood in Essex. I’m 70 and fairly fit & well, at least I know what I’ll get, right down to Nina Simone and Oi Va Vay tunes!

All sorted and paid for

I would like a simple cremation with family to watch me go followed by a glorious service in our church which I hope will be full to bursting with family and friends who will sing loudly to some fabulous faith music to celebrate my 'going home'.
Music and readings to be chosen by my family.

My late husband and I took out Pre Paid Funeral Plans in 2018. Obviously one got used in 2021. I dont have to pay any more money even with inflation. If I had known about Pure Cremation at that time I might have gone for that instead.

This has been on my mind for a while. A want a minimum of fuss and a direct cremation would be my choice but my children felt that they wanted the opportunity to say a personal goodbye . I certainly dont want funeral cars and a service. I am considering the options and intend making an appointment with the funeral director to discuss options. In the next few weeks.

Ive bought my plot and told my DD that I want to be buried with my teddy bear. I’ve yet to tell them my ideas for my eulogy!

Personally I prefer water resomation as it is better for the planet but as it is not widely available then I've put cremation in my will. NO Funeral service of any type.

Get it sorted asap with you family.
And if you are not fussed, and just want a simple funeral or cremation.

Just arrange a pre paid funeral or cremation plan with one of the well known companies you see advertised. Look at the reviews.

I paid for a pre paid plan a couple of years ago
Through a local Funeral Director . And was even able to specify which Crematorium I wanted to use. At a reasonable extra cost

👍

My children know that I want cremation with ashes buried in my husband's grave under the yew tree in the village churchyard.

I have said I would like some of the money left to pay for a ceilidh for friends and family so they can have a jolly time courtesy of me! - we have all the right family contacts to make this happen.

All my children need to do is phone the Jewish Burial Society and I will be collected. The funeral will be the next day. My plot is booked and the service is always the same although they can read a eulogy. They have the phone number. I only recently arranged this and they were a bit taken aback but have got used to the idea (I think).

I’m using a local funeral director, either Guy or Emma can take care of me.
I would have opted for a no frills cremation back in the day but having attended quite a few funerals in our church now and seen how much comfort the mourners seem to get from them I’ve decided on a ‘god light’ service in the local church.
At the last service the coffin was brought in and taken out to the accompaniment of music played on a guitar that the deceased had made.
I haven’t decided on an unattended cremation afterwards or a grave yet but I don’t want anything that needs looking after.
It would have been dad’s birthday last week. He’s been dead for 25years but is still in our wardrobe as mum can’t make the decision about what to do with him! We will sort it out when she dies. They never discussed their wishes.