Is funeral planning a conversation you've had with your family?

Yes we’ve had the discussions. The plot is bought and paid for at a natural burial site, next to where my husband is already buried. Funerals are for the living so apart from the location, it’s up to my daughter what sort of funeral she wants to organise for me. That’s all agreed between us and I’ve said if you wants more guidance, then to ask me. Neither of us could think of anything worse than the sort of funeral you offer. We’ve no financial issues so my estate will have the money for whatever she wants. We both believe that saying goodbye to the body and being present at and honouring the departing is a necessary and helpful part of the process of loss and grief.

Yes I ve had the conversation with my children they know I want nothing much and no fuss.
They know I ve bought and paid for a simple cremation. I wasn’t going to have anything else, going out as I came in quietly, but the grandkids (the ones that know me best) were disappointment I wasn’t having anything to celebrate my life so I have relented and put money away for a tea party for any of my family that are around. (my family is scattered around the world which is why I say ‘any that’s around’)

We’ve had the conversation with 2 daughters and they were all for it. The other daughter won’t talk about it.
We are both down for our bodies to be donated. If that’s a no no no the girls know to do the necessary as cheap as possible. 😂

I have always discussed anything and everything with my family so there has been no Conversation just lots of chats about things over the years. As far as I am concerned there is nothing particularly embarrassing or emotional about the subject. We all die sooner or later and as it can be sooner than expected it is something to be discussed from 18 onwards.

I have always believed that funeral plans are for the living, what happens once you die you have no control over and will never know. so apart from talking now and again about what i would like, it is up to DC to do whatever they will once I am dead.

Count me in with BlueBelle. I’ve no faith, so an unaccompanied cremation and my ashes scattered on the tide - outgoing, of course! Personally, I can’t think of anything worse than a money grabbing funeral director ‘bumping up’ the price with ‘extra little touches the deceased would surely have loved’. Had that when DH died and that made up my mind to go down a different route!

Yes, the family have all the details, it's all arranged and paid for, casket, music, flowers etc. As I don't follow any particular religion it will be a humanist service and cremation. It makes sense to me, it will be a stressful time for the family without the added pressures of arranging a funeral. And this way I can be sure it's arranged the way I would like.

No...they can do what they like with me.
Tbh my sister and I found it cathartic when we sorted our mums, a final act of love.

Funerals are for those still living. Only funeral plans are for the potential deceased. We do not know what our children and friends need to do for catharsis after our deaths, so I think it very cruel not to leave everything in their hands to do as they wish after you have died.

And plan as we might, until it happens we don’t know what the circumstances and manner of our death will be and how that might impact what those left behind might want/ need because of that

My husband is buried in a beautiful woodland site and I bought the plot next to his, so my family know that is where I will be buried.
I have left suggestions for the sort of service I would like, but it will be up to them. I am a member of three choirs, including my church choir, so I hope there will be singing! However if I live for many more years and am no longer singing, it may not be appropriate. My family are not particularly religious nowadays, so they will decide what they want to do when the time comes. There will be money to pay for whatever they decide, and plenty of documents to deal with my estate.
I believe we should speak freely about death. It is inevitable. We should try to make things easier for those who will have to deal with everything.

I want plenty of weeping & wailing at my funeral. Horse drawn carriage, the works…. 😂 Seriously though, I’ve no idea what I want!
Just a quiet do, tbh.
Hubby wants a simple cremation. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Cabbie21

My husband is buried in a beautiful woodland site and I bought the plot next to his, so my family know that is where I will be buried.
I have left suggestions for the sort of service I would like, but it will be up to them. I am a member of three choirs, including my church choir, so I hope there will be singing! However if I live for many more years and am no longer singing, it may not be appropriate. My family are not particularly religious nowadays, so they will decide what they want to do when the time comes. There will be money to pay for whatever they decide, and plenty of documents to deal with my estate.
I believe we should speak freely about death. It is inevitable. We should try to make things easier for those who will have to deal with everything.

Oh can you be buried in a woodland? Sounds lovely.
I think you can be buried in your back garden.
As long as they don’t wreck my fake grass 😂

Yes I have had the discussion with my daughter. She knows what I want, what music to play, and where everything is.

Me and my husband have chosen a lovely woodland area. By the time we ‘go’ they’ll be even less family than we have now, so nice and simple cremation with no fuss.

No we haven’t discussed it. I know I don’t want a service of any kind and want a simple burial. Would like a tree planted over me. However, my dilemma is that I love cemeteries and gravestones and one thing my family do know is that I wanted a gravestone inscribed with ‘she kissed Desert Orchid’. Not sure how I can combine the two. I was chatting with my ex husband about where his mum and dad were buried. Their ashes are in a graveyard in a country park near to us. It was my idea at the time because he had wanted to scatter his mums ashes there and I had to turn the idea around tactfully. We both agreed that it was a decision made in haste and really they should have been buried in the city where they were born and lived in. Even forty years on it bothers me that they’re in the wrong place .

Yes, my children are aware of the plans I have made.

There is no cremation in Malta where I live so the nearest place it can be carried out is in Sicily. I have therefore paid for this but without any funeral as such.

As three of my four children live abroad it seemed the best solution as I would not want them having to come over at short notice. This way they can do whatever they want with my ashes. I have always loathed being the centre of attention so don’t want a fuss.

By the way, the direct cremation here was significantly more expensive than a traditional funeral.

Without my glasses, thought the thread said “family planning”!

I shall be seeing our funeral director as soon as my husband’s estate is settled to arrange a pre-paid direct cremation. Want to spare the children the difficult conversations and decisions. They are fully aware and content with my choice.

Yes, we wanted direct cremation, children were aghast, so a simple cremation has been pre paid for us both.

my children know that both my OH and I want to be buried.in the same cemetery as our parents,as for what comes after the funeral, they can choose.

Already paid for Pure cremation,my children know but are reluctant to discuss it which is quite understandable..

On a lovely Spring day my fit, active 76 year old mother and I were admiring the flowers. Out of the blue she said ‘I think I would like to die at this time of the year.’ We then had a light hearted discussion of her modest ideas for her funeral. Within a week I was telling the local vicar as she had had a sudden fatal stroke.
After that I told this strange coincidence to several older relatives who then happily discussed their own preferences. Weird but rather wonderful.

Apart from my OH knowing I want to be cremated and don't want any organs harvested I haven't made any plans.
I find the constant adverts on TV unnerving and upsetting. I don't want or need constant reminders that I'm going to die. I'm enjoying retirement atm and funeral planning can be done by those left behind

I have paid for my funeral and everything is written down in my book “Last Orders”
My mum’s ashes are scattered at a woodland burial site in the Yorkshire Dales ! My dad’s are on the pitch and putt in Rottingdean as he never left Brighton and played there a lot!
It is not an easy conversation but to write things down does help both you and your family !

I have purchased a cremation plan. I don’t like conveyor belt crem ceremonies I have been to recently. I would rather than went to my favourite place, a beach and ate fish and chips and shared stories of my life. That said I have given them permission to do what ever they like as I will be dead! Funerals are for those left behind not the deceased.
I worked through MartinLewis uncomfortable conversation, even more important as I am single, and have left a folder detailing where everything is and the passwords for my social media, phone and IT kit so they can close everything.