Freedom from guilt...for a while!

I love the happiness in your last sentence mimismo its contagious ?
I hope you enjoyed your trip to UK and have many others?

One reason I could go to the UK on a guilt free and extravagant trip was that my pension had been approved after living on my husband's for four years. No, he'd never questioned my purchases but, boy was it good to have my 'own' money again!!

well done Bijou I have my eyebrows shaped and tinted monthly, it makes such a difference. I have never had to 'ask' for money as we just blunder along with joint finances and generally both take a fairly sensible approach to what we buy for ourselves, but.....I have dreadful feet, need new boots, and blanched at the price of good quality wide fitting ones so sent for cheaper ones instead, which of course were awful, ill fitting, and had to be returned.

Or ones health (I took that as a given!)

I'm still on the hunt for a bunch of Freesia!

Are there things people do for themselves that gives them freedom and joy but also doesnt cost them financially?

Most things that I enjoy (excluding family) revolve around nature or colour.
But still mean spending some money.i.e.
I've always collected pebbles or stones as a momento from a trip somewhere. Some from the Grand Canyon or the Dorset coast, anywhere. They are striped, red black all colours. But it cost money to get go on these trips on the first place.

The only thi g I can think of that doesnt directly cost is listening to the bird song in the garden.
But that has an indirect cost of being able to afford a house with a garden and of course the bird food to attract them there in the first place.

I suppose I'm saying it's hard to find freedom and pleasure without cash.

janeJudge, I agree everryone organises their finances to suit their preferences, but if you are spending money that comes to you because you earned it, whyshould you need to hide things you bring into the house so that DH doesn't see.

When my children were small I remember going to a coffee morning where the conversation moved to getting money for new clothes out of husbands. I crept into a corner and kept very quiet, because, even though, as my children, were tiny, I didn't/couldn't work, we always arranged our finances so that both of us had spending money for our personal needs, including clothes. I would have no more asked DH every time I needed new clothes than fly!

Another who would love to see what people have done for themselved in the name of self support.

Wives having no money if staying at home to look after the home/family is financial abuse surely? I have done a mixture of working full time/part/staying at home (not through choice - through circumstance) and I am back to full time again. My husband has always earnt much more than I do but the money that goes in our joint account is all ours. He has a nicer car (I am insured on it anyway) but to be honest I really like my car so it isn't an issue at the moment. It's about sharing isn't it? I don't think it is as clear cut as his and hers.

I'd like see the coat though Monica

Do we have women who have been stay-at -homes wives all their lives on this thread, so that they have no independent money?

I worked, as have most women, and have my own pension as a resut. What I spend my money on is my business, not my DH's and he wouldnt dream of commenting on how I spend my money. And I do not comment on his personal expenditure either.

I have just bought myself a expensive coat, more than I have ever paid before. DH has seen it and admired it, and that is it. As long as I make my agreed contribution to our household expenses and he does the same, the rest of our money is available to be spent as we will.

DH dresses like a builder - and lapses into his North Bucks accent when talking to them - that is his choice - and always has been. Youdo not marry someone expecting to change them.

I've been to two supermarkets and no Freesia!
That treat is going to have to wait.

Do let us know how you get on Shinamae.
I wouldn't know how to compare one with another!

Not that bothered about cosmetics but I am going to treat myself to a personal trainer

You raise an interesting point about guilt Hollysteers
We are coerced by advertising
into thinking we aren't good enough, unless we buy this or that product. Which seeps into our subconscious to our detriment, hence the cake comments.

Another item I'm going to treat myself to, is a large bunch of Freesia. The scent is heavenly.

Buffy

Good for you. I wish I could bring myself to do the same !

I'm wishing you can too?

I too could open a beauty/cosmetics shop and have never had a moment’s guilt about it. It’s part of looking after myself and making the most of what I have.
When someone says to me something like they had a ‘naughty’ cake or similar, what do they mean? It’s not heroin. Now that’s a situation I would feel guilt about.

I come up against his reasonably expressed opposition, he says I will do that....and so he can....
at the pace of a snail and/or it doesn't get done

I love him hut I sometimes feel evil thoughts overcoming me

I really empathize SylviaPlathssister (brilliant name btw)
Is there a hand book they all refer to?

Just keep smuggling. It will do you good!x

I am glad OP that you could just splurge money, without anyone else questioning you or feeling any guilt. Life hasn’t changed much for me since retirement. I am still cooking, washing, cleaning and organising our life for me and my husband. Yes, yes, my Mother did the same.
Although I don’t have to, I feel I have to answer questions about bags that I bring in to the house. It results in my smuggling stuff. Luckily my OH can’t remember too well what clothes I have.
My husband mainly looks like a tramp, despite us being well off. . He won’t iron his clothes willingly. He stands there ready to go out, looking as though he has been in a battle with a grizzly bear. And then when I roll my eyes, he says WHAT what ! He moans and groans about wearing a tie, even when it’s necessary. He hangs onto everything until it falls apart, including the cars.
We could pay for lots of help, but I come up against his reasonably expressed opposition. He says “ I will do that” …and so he can, at the pace of a snail, and / or it doesn’t get done. I love him but I sometimes feel evil thoughts overcoming me. Sighs. Go girl buy more lippy,, yea!

Yes spend it now whilst you can enjoy it GreenGran78????

I was so worried about the reception this thread would get. Afterall people are worried about the environment, covid, their problems, the ills of the world etc., and it's hard to shake that off sometimes.

Thank you soooooo much to all who posted for the lovely heartwarming stories of self nurturing.
All the encouragement you have given others to follow your examples is so welcome and uplifting, you generous, thoughtful people.
Definitely GN at it's best.
Long may it last ❤

I have had laminate flooring for years. So practical with 5 children tracking in dirt. I have been thinking of having new carpets fitted right through the house,. So much warmer and nicer, but cringing at the dent it would put in my savings.
Namsnanny, and others, you have persuaded me to take the plunge, and spend some of my childrens' inheritance. They are better off than me, anyway, and have been urging me to enjoy myself.
Lots of happy stories on here today.

Absolutely nothing wrong with splashing out from time to time! Why on earth should you feel guilty? I think we all need cheering up at the moment, if nail colours do it for you, it’s money well spent!

Good for you. I wish I could bring myself to do the same !

It’s good to treat yourself & definitely no need to feel guilty. Be it clothes, shoes, cosmetics, or just a nice bunch of flowers, whatever cheers you up and makes you happy is good. Don’t wait for birthdays and Christmas, go out and treat yourself now.

I love love love this post, good on you, and I hope more Grans will take inspiration from it.
No need to feel guilty about anything at all. Enjoy!

Why not indeedy! My DH thinks nowt of shelling out £20 every week on beer("I only have one or two and not every night" ....ya) yet when I get an Amazon of maybe £5-10 worth of necessity items he moans" whatve yer bought now?" Why do we often feel guilty of we treat ourselves? Probably cos someone's making you feel guilty! Have a blast with your new purchases! ?

Life is short, small treats like lippy, nail varnish are nothing to feel guilty about, see also perfume, lovely bath stuff, good chocolate, cocktails, m and s cruncher cheese biscuits (fabulous), gelato, good coffee, smoked salmon (lidl is good), so come on, get with the programme ???