Fascinators/Hats

The etiquette used to be that you kept your hat on until the mother of the bride removed hers, I think. But I'm not entirely sure. Nowadays I don't think it matters really

I am also going to a wedfing but conscious that the twirly feathery headdresses can look a bit odd on older women. I am totally at a loss at to what an alternative might be for me.

For my daughter's wedding I made myself a wired beaded "thing" along the fascinator lines but to weave into my "updo". It was "fancy" but not girly.
I will probably put my hair up again and don't want to squash it.

I've been looking online at sinamay hats snd trims to see if I can do anything with those... ideas welcome!

I think if it's light enough you won't need to take yours off at all Elless. If you find it's too heavy then take ig off when you've had enough.
But yes. The bride's mother is traditionally the cue.