Afraid to be alone with your thoughts?

I'm usually ok alone with my thoughts but just at the moment I need distractions as my thoughts could lead me to a high level of anxiety.
The middle of the night is worst.

Ever since the pandemic started I’ve had to have something on in the background when I’m trying to get to sleep or my mind races and I think scary things. Having said that my partner had the dog the other week and I had the house completely to myself for several days and I loved the silence during the day. It made me realise how I need silence to unclutter my mind. So I seem to need both extremes.

ah!Absolute Glo and Debora....

I am learning...
it helps to come here and hear about other people

Growing up an only child with just my mother as family I have never minded being alone, but what I miss since DH’s death after almost sixty years together is the unspoken understanding and the ability for a random thought to be picked up out of the ether. I am grateful for friends and family but the essential aloneness won’t alter.

Well, I used to be a kind of gregarious person, I liked talking to people. I liked telling even the smallest things to my loved ones but after completing my school, I took my career as a priority,
and gradually I learned to be alone and learned to make myself happy alone as well. I found more time to introspect, which is very important thing, I am not saying that you should always be alone or travel alone ''NO'', certainly take time out for your loved once too. But people should be those who are good for your mental health if you want to focus on yourself.

It is very important that parents explain to their children from childhood that loneliness is normal, especially after the age of 25 when the circle of friends may be shrinking. I feel this from my own experience, as my parents didn't explain anything to me and when my friends left me, I felt lousy alone. But now I realise that I am much more comfortable with myself than with people who only made me uncomfortable.
But you shouldn't idealise it, because people still need social contact. Therefore, it is necessary to maintain a certain balance, not just one thing

It’s taken some years but friends and family have finally understood that when OH goes away for his passtime pursuits I’m not lonely, not hungry.

I’ve always quite enjoyed my own company, but when it’s permanent it’s a whole different ball game. I’ve been on my own now for sixteen months, I while I am still working up to doing things alone, but I don’t rule out travelling at some stage. I don’t want my life to shut down altogether. As for being alone with one’s thoughts, I struggled last year with very dark thoughts, and was truly ashamed of some of the stuff that went through my head, but now it doesn’t happen quite so often. I do write a lot of it down - sometimes in poetry - and find that helps me to rationalise my fears and misgivings.

A relation has severe anxiety and being alone is the worse situation to be in as their thoughts are with them all the time. Getting out and in company keeps the anxiety at bay for a short while but it’s tiring.

There is a difference in wanting alone time and needing your own space. Being alone and craving company and needing a distraction is another matter.

It depends: having the radio on helps me concentrate. If I am deeply concentraing it is a distraction and is turned off.

If I am deeply thinking then that goes on regardless of what else I am doing.

Being alone is something different. Like others, I need time alone and I am content in my own company, but whether I have the radio on, or my kindle by me is a quite separate issue

I am alone too much, I’m used to it now. I know I can never have the companionship I had with my husband. I go out for a meal or an activity but I’ve usually had enough after a few hours I am happy to come home. I don’t watch things that will upset me, almost given up on the news as it was all bad. Same with my newspaper yesterday it was all about those poor babies and their families and I ended up in tears.

When my first husband of 30 years died (I was 48) I hated being alone.
I did find another partner but sadly he has dementia and following emergency open heart surgery I can no longer care for him and he is in a care home 2 hours drive away near his daughter. This time I am content to be on my own. I do have 3 dogs so never feel totally alone.

I like being by myself, with or without background music.

What occupies my mind depends onthe circumstances, the job on hand, sosmething planned ahead, a current worry.

I rarely dwell on the past, unless it is triggered. When I discovered someone I had loved deeply had died and read the obituary that described how he overcame MS to lead a fruitful and fulfilling life (hence a published obituary), yes, I thought of nothing else for weeks.

But digging up past bad times and dwelling on them, when they are gone and nothing can be done about them, seems to me to be utterly futile. Remember them, yes, because they inform the person you are today but endlessly rehash them, seems to me to be where madness lies. Do something active to stop it happeming, seek councelling or what best works for you.

I don't think travelling alone is connected to "being alone with your thoughts". That is being on your own, whether at home or away. I like my own company and peace and quiet. I like days out on my own but I don't like staying away on my own.

Do you think that (in general) women deal being alone better than men? Especially once they retire. Many women will always find something to tidy or clean or will chat to strangers at bus stops and in shops. Do you think that some women volunteer for this reason? Its sociable and passes the time as well as giving them a good feeling of doing something useful.

It’s very easy for someone like myself to enjoy solitude because I have a loving husband.
If I lived alone I would probably feel very differently.
My heart goes out to lonely people.

If it’s fun that’s fine but it’s so easy to loose your shirt, blouse LOL. Half the professionals loose money trading shares and futures for every gain there is a loss and a commission to pay on the trade.
A couple of weeks ago you might have had some Nat West shares that are worth a lot less now, just an example how prices can change unpredictably.

I think that the "being alone" implied in the article is that travel per se involves a lot of time waiting around for planes and so on. Also it may well involve a lot of solitary meals if you dont have a companion.

When you are the only single diner in a restaurant it can feel uncomfortable. I often found it so when I first began to travel alone. Now I no longer do because I am a people watcher.

I knew people in the past who always carried a book with them to give them "something to do" when they were eating alone, or waiting for someone to join them. Some of them even smoked because it gave them something to do with their hands. It was almost as though a single person had to appear to have a legitimate reason for being there is a world of couples and groups. Now there are phones and mobile devices which (nearly) everyone has in their bag so there is no reason to feel out of place or awkward.

I live alone by choice. It's essential for me to have my own space. Most of the time I'm happy with my thoughts although have been through periods of depression. Practising mindfulness is helpful in avoiding those.

Polnan I think you are still grieving. If you had a long, happy marriage, four years is almost yesterday. And you have no-one to share your innermost thoughts with. The sort of social occasions you describe don’t lend themselves to the unburdening of like minded souls which is why you feel bereft when you arrive back home to an empty house. I know what you mean about a dog - there is always a joyous welcome awaiting you, even after a couple of minutes! Is there a bereavement group in your community you could try, or a particular friend you could invite into your home for a coffee? Our church has Connect groups - small groups who meet in each other’s houses during the week and who inevitably grow very supportive of their members. You don’t mention any family, if you have any do they know how you feel? Keep up with your friends anyway, I wish you well.

0ddOne

I live alone (apart from my dog), by choice. I'm neurodivergent and need my space (as is, and does, my partner, and we discovered that living together was a recipe for disaster! Lol!). I'm also very happy (and often much prefer) going places on my own and holidaying alone. However, I can't be alone with my thoughts. No matter where I am, I can't be unoccupied. I always have to be doing something, even if it's just reading a book/magazine or solving a crossword. Even when I lay down to sleep I have to listen to ASMR videos and do a puzzle (or 5), until sleep overtakes. If my thoughts are left to their own devices, to wander unchecked, they'll take me to some very dark places. So, to prevent that, I keep my mind busy. I still prefer my own company though! 🤦‍♂️

I’m the same. I don’t live with my partner but, because of the pandemic we did end up being together 24/7. I now can’t seem to get back having time to myself and I’m finding it very difficult. I’m not very good at being assertive. Having said that, when I was totally on my own when my husband left I used to go from Friday afternoon to Monday morning without speaking to a soul and that made me realise how crippling loneliness can be. One weekend I actually phoned the Samaritans and said ‘ I’m not suicidal but I just needed to hear someone’s voice’. I have to have something playing in the background to get to sleep, the current favourite being Jason Stephensons ‘Get back to sleep fast’ on utube.

I’m another who needs solitude. It somehow allows me time to recharge and relax.

I live alone (apart from my dog), by choice. I'm neurodivergent and need my space (as is, and does, my partner, and we discovered that living together was a recipe for disaster! Lol!). I'm also very happy (and often much prefer) going places on my own and holidaying alone. However, I can't be alone with my thoughts. No matter where I am, I can't be unoccupied. I always have to be doing something, even if it's just reading a book/magazine or solving a crossword. Even when I lay down to sleep I have to listen to ASMR videos and do a puzzle (or 5), until sleep overtakes. If my thoughts are left to their own devices, to wander unchecked, they'll take me to some very dark places. So, to prevent that, I keep my mind busy. I still prefer my own company though! 🤦‍♂️

Hetty58

The more horror we've seen, the more difficult it is. I enjoy my own company, but many don't, as they need company and distraction to get through each day.

Yes, I am like that, and I don't have it - I do have several things which I cold do, BUT since the death of my daughter, I really do not have the motivation to do anything at all now. I used to paint furniture, decorate etc but now I am disabled, I can no longer manage much without being totally exhausted, in dreadful pain and nauseated. I cannot afford to get anyone in to do anything, so am forever waiting for someone to have time to help me - which is demoralising in itself, and weeks or months go by and nothing has changed, so I am living in a s**thole just getting more and more depressed and more alone with my thoughts of guilt around her death.

People have promised the earth (SW, Social Prescriber, MH nurse) but nothing happens at all, so I am lonely, anxious and depressed. I wouldn't have minded travelling alone in days gone by, had I the money, but I can't manage any of that now, can't even manage to sleep in a bed, so wouldn't be able to sleep, and would end up just sitting in a cafe waiting for everyone to come back from sightseeing tours etc, not much fun at all!

It's very sad to feel isolated or alone I have sometimes I've lived alone 23 yrs but other times I'm happy in my own bubble so I wonder if it's chemical dips that cause sadness for no particular reason
I'm convinced by seeing so much sadness and badness on tv doesn't support you at all especially if take it to bed with you! Imagine if every news or channel was uplifting, sounds good