channel4. docu' A Paedophile in my family.

I am full of admiration for this brave lady. Conversations like this have to be had otherwise misplaced shame and guilt will ensure that these vile perpetrators simply get away with it over and over again. The sentences should reflect the horror of this crime and the lifelong burden placed upon the child. We should also bear in mind that. it is something which can never be truly expiated, however long or harsh the punishment.

I should have also said that it gave wings to what I had been told by the abuser that nobody would believe me over him.

Yes, silverlining48, in the mid 70's my GP told the 6th Formers who took me to the surgery that "teenaged girls often make these things up!" I heard him and knew that there was no point in saying anything more.

In my years as a social worker I came across a number of colleagues who had experienced familial abuse. It’s strange how we had felt drawn to that work .
Nyman it is rare for women to abuse but it happens in some circumstances.
for all (and let’s show the bu..ers they don’t win.)

For those who wonder why this wasn’t picked up, it was not a subject openly discussed until the 80s and was completely off the radar for most/all people.

There was nowhere to go for help. I spoke to a GP in the 80s who was was absolutely horrified. His response? ‘no father would do that to his child’.
So that was that, there I was, telling lies again .

I was horrified that when my relative was convicted of child abuse of a young child, the judge insisted that we were not allowed to name him in the media. He said that as it was his first offence (over years!), he was not allowed to be named. I know it wasn't his first offence as he had abused his young child and as he can't be named, any other offences can't come to light if people don't think they'll be believed. He was a charismatic man of whom my immediate reaction was, "No, never him." But it was. I'd love a programme to be made about him especially as he moved a couple of hundred miles away so nobody would know.
I wasn't believed about my abuse by the Dr, or my mother and the house mistress knew but she never said anything to anyone once the Dr didn't believe me.
These things are still happening, the public need to know what to look for, how to help and always being alert.

Nyman1962

I suffered sexual abuse when I was 13 from a female "friend" of my mother's. When I told her and some others a few years later what had gone on, I was told that female sexual abuse was so rare that I had probably dreamt it up or fantasised about it.

Nyman1962. I am so sorry to hear that you suffered, it may or may not help but I believe that the traumas in life shape us in some way and despite being broken we do have a particular empathy that those who have not been traumatised do not know. I bet that you have been able to help lots of folk through difficulties because you have a sense of how that might feel. I’m not saying that others cannot be empathetic but you truly know. Blessings.

FindingNemo15

If the mother was made to work longer hours to put food on the table, how come she said nothing and was not suspicious when he could afford to take the girl to New York a couple of times.

He was a Foster carer which is paid for. I am a survivor of abuse from a cousin.

Its not as straightforward as people would think for others to see the signs.

Others not wanting to believe it is another part of especially if it's a family member.

It's a very complex subject it's taken me years to find peace with though there has been other factors of physical abuse to deal with too as my father was violent.

I grew up and created by childhood in adult. Fortunately I broke the mould, finally got away and created a new, happy life for me and mine

silverlining48

Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to Why.
and yes it needs be talked about by people like Emily and like us to shed light on what has always been a dirty secret, which we kept for all manner of reasons.
Now it’s more in the open children know they will be believed. I thought I was the only one and when I told a friend who told her parents they said I was truly wicked fir making up such terrible things. I kept quiet fir another 20 years.

Sending love and strength to fight the good fight Silverlining Flowers 💐

💔

I would like to attempt a reply to Bazza when you write ‘ It’s beyond me how a small child could ever be perceived as sexual. ‘ I realised my own daughter was being abused as a toddler. I believe that the grooming process is a long and a patient process and it probably started from birth. Her father made it into a game, I don’t want to go into too much detail, but my daughter enjoyed ‘ the game ‘ so much so that she wanted to continue this at home. Now her father would say she was a sexual child, when in reality she had been sexualised by him. I confided in his ex-wife, who I knew and asked if she had ever had concerns about her daughters. She had and their 18 year old daughter was still, voluntarily sleeping with her father 2 nights a week. She could not support me and my daughter openly, as she said she was not as brave as me. He also supported them very well financially. Of course I contacted social services, who were very supportive. However, he took me to court every year until she was 16 to regain access. He employed some pretty misogynistic lawyers and ‘Experts ‘ but my daughter didn’t want to see him by this time. ( Long story ) The process nearly broke me, but my daughter has grown into a wonderful, kind and extremely successful young woman. So let’s keep talking about these issues.

That's where I struggled
He took daughter on holidays Mum stayed at home to work she would be entitled to work holidays
Looks like no vigilance here by Mother to me . I was very close and main carer to my children and also worked as did hubby ....

Nanna8, I respect that for you it’s not something you want to expose yourself to for whatever reason and that is clearly right for you but for me part of my ongoing therapy is a mission to ensure that victims have the voice that I didn’t. I was too scared especially as other family members knew full well what was going on. We lived in a different time then, I feel now we must ensure that the voice of victims of abuse of any kind is loud and dare I say proud so that the owned shame is on the perpetrators not the victim. Just my opinion of course.

Think you have made that perfectly clear.

I would never watch a program like that. Full stop. I have private reasons for this and it is not something I wish to share. I think those who set up such programs should have a long,hard look at themselves and,no, I am not ‘in denial’.

bazza its the same when they say "child prostitute" there is no such thing..its an abused child.Though even on here there are those who insist "some" girls know what they're doing

Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to Why.
and yes it needs be talked about by people like Emily and like us to shed light on what has always been a dirty secret, which we kept for all manner of reasons.
Now it’s more in the open children know they will be believed. I thought I was the only one and when I told a friend who told her parents they said I was truly wicked fir making up such terrible things. I kept quiet fir another 20 years.

As a pushing 60 year old who was abused by my father I am truly grateful that people like Emily can speak out. I haven’t seen this documentary yet, and though I’m not sure that I am able to I will try. Events in ones lives such as these, damage people for good, there is always a feeling of what did I do wrong, self loathing, low self esteem and forever trying to be everything to everyone and never quite believing that you’re loved and valued. I do hope that the more people like Emily speak out the more people feel empowered to say it happen to me or more importantly perhaps it is happening to me. Long gone should be the days of sweeping it under the carpet. The elephant is always in the room. Love and blessings to all who have suffered in any way at the hands of a bully.

nanna8

Well that is what I call scraping the bottom of the barrel to show something like that. Disgusting.

No-one forced you to watch it did they`?

IMO it is highly necessary to show this kind of documentary, as abuse of children is frequently not noticed until the child is old enough and brave enough to mention it to someone who actually believes her or him.

No parent or teacher should be unaware of the signs of an abused child, but sadly many are.

As a teacher I was told twice by a head teacher that there was no cause for alarm, in cases where it later transpired that my suspicions had been correct.

Many teachers, myself included, have been forced to report suspicions of abuse anonymously after being told by a superior not to interfere!

The thing that disturbed me the most was that the father referred to his daughter as a sexual child. It’s beyond me how a small child could ever be perceived as sexual.

I don't believe my father was mentally disturbed or deranged. He was totally self absorbed. Although I didn't suffer sexual abuse as such, I believe one of my siblings did. I believe taking a young child to a dentist and allowing him to take all her teeth out is abuse. Am I right?
I upset my father when I was 11. I did something that he saw as tarnishing his image. He beat me up badly. We regularly witnessed our mother and sister being beaten, people knocking the door to tell us 'your dad's lying on the pavement with blood on him'. He would get into fights to prove how macho he was.
To this day, I am a frightened, nervous person. People ask me why I'm so scared of everything. Well this is why. Of course I don't tell them.

So tragic and sad that there’s a slice of humanity that is mentally disturbed, deranged (whatever you want to call it) but it’s everywhere worldwide.

I wonder if it will only get worse or if these things can be conquered. It’s like an endless loop. There never seems to be enough “resources” to deal with these tragedies. So it continues…

Love to you Seadragon and congratulations on your brave survival. Xx

Maybe i should have said stop it,not prevent it.Most abuse happens in the home behind closed doors.Abusers often very devious, I don't see how it can be stopped sadly.

I suffered sexual abuse when I was 13 from a female "friend" of my mother's. When I told her and some others a few years later what had gone on, I was told that female sexual abuse was so rare that I had probably dreamt it up or fantasised about it.