channel4. docu' A Paedophile in my family.

I don’t agree nothing can be done to prevent it. We need society better educated about child sexual abuse. We need to empower children and listen and watch
We need to accept some men are deviants, attracted to children. They need locking up as the evidence to date indicates their sexual preferences are fixed

My childhood friend's husband sexually abused his stepdaughter. The stepdaughter did not want to upset her mother so said nothing until she was in her twenties, when she felt she had to speak out. When this girl told her mother, she was not believed. Unbelievably sad.

It later turned out that the man had also been sexually abusing others in his care and eventually, one told the authorities and the man has been charged. No sentence yet.

There is still a huge gulf between the mother who still, to this day, sticks by her husband and her poor daughter.

I love my friend but am unable to continue a relationship with her due to her behaviour with her daughter, whom I believe implicitly.

I believe after hearing details of this family, that there could well be far more similar cases than we know of. People don't like to acknowledge sexual abuse for many reasons. Such a sad situation.

child abuse stretches far and wide,often wrecks lives.I used to work as a counsellor in the 90's and heard too many what are really horror stories.I watched the program and wept at times.
The truth is nothing can really be done to prevent it.The dark side of the human condition.

Seadragon ❤️

Seadragon, sending much love to you.
Could I please ask, do your family know why you are hyper vigilant and overbearing? I fully understand if you prefer not to answer

kate1949,Iam64*,*silverlining48
Thank you for your understanding.

The most in interesting element of this documentary for me was Emily's mention of masking. I had learned of this behaviour recently from Chris Packham's recent programmes about autism but Emily's use of it made me realise it applied to me as well. I have mentioned elsewhere that a I had challenged teachers at an education conference when they said that troubled children, including those suffering abuse, could be identified because of their withdrawn or challenging behaviour, poor attendance, social isolation and performance at school and neglected appearance. I was well fed and dressed, had many friends and did very well at school and was first in my family to graduate from university. I tried to tell people what was happening at home three times. Once when I was about 5 and the woman told my mum that I was wicked and ungrateful when I had such a lovely family - didn't want to upset mum by telling her. As I got older I was afraid I would be taken into care and just wanted the abuse to stop. Dad had a massive breakdown when I was 11 and was in hospital for months, my mum produced my baby sister just before that and the sexual stuff stopped until I was 16 maybe because of the meds dad was on. We had to tread on eggshells, though because of his moods. Just to be on the safe side, I took my baby sister with me everywhere and any boyfriend had to accept that. My mum decided to go back to work when I was 15 and I told her that she would have to get a babysitter for my sister till I could get home from school and I told her why. I was shocked when she said "I thought something was going on" but she did find a babysitter and I hurried home from school every day and continued to take my sister with me everywhere even though she had terrible tantrums sometimes. Came a night when I ws 16 and dad came home in a strange mood goading us more than usual. It was when he come over the take the family cat off my lap that I realise he intended to rape me and was menacing my mother and sister if I did not comply. I threatened him with a knife, ran upstairs and locked myself in the loo to enable my mum and sister to escape while dad hammered on the door. My uncle came to get me and gave me a massive row for trapping myself in the house. We did not discuss the events of the night but next day I broke down in class and I was sent to the school nurse. This was the third person I told but she told me not to be a silly girl and to pull myself together sending me back to the class. The teacher sent me to the playground with my best friend who is the only person who listened to the whole story with great compassion. She had always included me in her wonderul family life and they gave me some normality.... Years later, when I was in my 30's, dad came to visit me when I was training in Social Worker. I had confided in a fellow student and he advised me to confront dad with what he had done. I followed his advice and dad apologised. I felt released from a great weight. By then, I was married with 2 children. The birth of our second, a boy, was followed by a massive breakdown and I was in hospital for a total of 3 months first with mania and then with depression where I was subjected to ECT. Despite all this DH and I have been in a supportive and loving relationship for 55 years! He gave up a fantastic job to move us far away from my parents after dad tried to take the credit for his appointment to the post! DH also supported me through my training and was a stay at home father so he was able to support me in my wonderful career. I know my experiences meant I could relate to people in dire circumstances often facing life changing challenges literally from the cradle to the grave. I have been angry with my mum who was otherwise a loving mother but she failed to protect me. I never had the conversation with her that Emily was able to have with her mother but I feel we understood each other. I am disappointed that nann8 feels that we should not tell our stories but I want people to know that it is possible to heal. I have been massively lucky in finding my soul mate, aged 17, but have major faults rooted in the abuse. I am massively controlling and only now, at 73, am beginning to let others decide and make arrangements. I am also hyper vigilant and overbearing but we all just laugh about it. BTW, my parents looked like film stars, literally - Lee Remick and a cross between Gregory Peck/Lawrence Olivier with a fantastic sense of humour in fact so I can understand why people would not believe me. I hope Emily and others who have disclosed their experiences on this thread find peace too.

Blossom you are not alone x

I've yet to see it . I worked as a volunteer listener for years . I spoke to young people who were being abused . I know women who were abused , one by her father . My daughter has told her girls , no one touches your body except you , if they do you tell me or grandma . Maybe simple protective words from parents or teachers could help stop this . Just a few simple words that their body is theirs and not to be touched until when they grow older and fall in love or similar .

To the poster who thinks the programme is disgusting I wonder why she feels that so deeply , how does she think this should be dealt with .

blossom14 , I’m so sorry you came across a dangerous damaging counsellor. That’s just awful, but of course you know how awful 🌸

Oh blossom I wonder why horrible things that happen to us seem to haunt us more when we are older.

I have just written a long piece about what happened to me and lost it. Perhaps it was fortuitous as some on here would probably find it unbelievable.

Pretty sure the statistics about one in class is very likely true.

One misguided councellor told me that children enjoy the situation and collaborate.

It still keeps me awake at night now I am in my eighties.

Silver lining, a child psychiatrist I worked with in 1981 told me we couldn’t name the extent of child sexual abuse in our clinics ‘the floodgates will open, we will be overwhelmed’

By changing his mind after pressure from fellow psychiatrists in the 1880 s Freud set back child sexual abuse by 100 years.
He was threatened that if he continued with his theory he would lose his position as head of the psychiatric institute.
He took the easy way and let down women who had confided in him and said it was just their imagination / wish by the women who reported sexual abuse.
It was as late as the early 1980 s that Child abuse was first spoken about publicly. I remember it very well, I read a review of an afternoon tv programme which Mary Kenny took the same view as a poster here that tit was best kept as a taboo given how unpleasant it all was.

Kate1949, I’m sure that still happens, there are some brutal, abusive men living amongst us who superficially pass well, acting ‘normal’
A major problem remains and that is society’s reluctance/inability to accept the extent of child sexual abuse

Kate1949

Back in the 50s/60s some mothers knew but were ashamed and afraid of the men. There was no, or little, help.

Indeed. Times were very different then. Thank goodness we can now have programmes like this one where this brave young woman can share her story and hopefully help others.

Kate and silverlining, sending you love.
The programme was harrowing but enlightening viewing. Truly an example of the phrase " old sins cast long shadows".
As a retired teacher I was dismayed to hear the statistics which suggested that there was at least one child in each of my classes subject to abuse, all undetected.
And , finally - the father: shame on him twice, once for abusing his child and secondly for refusing to meet her. Without meeting him I'm happy to condemn him as a vile human being.

Back in the 50s/60s some mothers knew but were ashamed and afraid of the men. There was no, or little, help.

I haven’t watched but heard the young woman on woman’s hour and radio news outlets.
The view expressed by nana8 was no an unusual one historically, another reason to silence victims. Freud dismissed the frequent disclosures from his adult female patients, who said they’d been sexually abused by their father. No, you haven’t said Freud, you are attracted to your father.

There are a number of critical comments of the mother, how could she not know? Suggestions she prioritised work over her children. Mothers almost always get blamed for ‘failing to protect’ and sometimes that’s the case. But there are many mothers who had no idea and life the rest of their lives in shame. It’s the perpetrator. They’re often likeable charming successful men.

Have you actually seen this programme? It was only on last night here in the uk.
No one could not fail to feel compassion and admiration for the brave young woman who spoke out.

Do you think sexual abuse is not going on in Australia then nanna? Well it is and if it’s hidden as you seem to prefer then children being abused will have to keep their horrible secret ,because they won’t know where to get help and in any case the abuser will have told them no one will believe them anyway.
It sounds like you would prefer that but believe me someone you know is experiencing this now, whether you believe it or not .

Yes it is disgusting nanna8 and I don't mean the programme. I cannot imagine in a million years what would make a father want to do that to his own child. Any child obviously but to have those thoughts re your own is inconceivable.

nanna8

Well that is what I call scraping the bottom of the barrel to show something like that. Disgusting.

your comment is quite disgusting and to call it scraping the bottom of the barrel is crass!
this is a young lady's story to tell. What would you have her do? brush it under the carpet? it is not fiction.
get off the thread if it offends you!

viewers bought to tears at this young lady's story.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12147619/She-hero-Viewers-Paedophile-Family-Surviving-Dad-left-floods-tears.html

We’ll have to agree to disagree and I hope they never show it here. I don’t think they would.