channel4. docu' A Paedophile in my family.

nanna8

Well that is what I call scraping the bottom of the barrel to show something like that. Disgusting.

You cannot make a comment like this without having watched the programme. There was nothing gratuitous about it. I have huge respect for all the people on here who have had the courage to share on here.. and have also become strong, brave women

I grew up on a Council overflow estate for East London in the fifties. By the time I was married and into my fourth pregnancy (for twins) in my early thirties I thought I was worldy -wise.

However I can still totally recall the shock I had whilst in hospital following the safe birth of those twins. As they were being kept in Baby Special Care and I was going there to feed them, and the hospital anti-natal ward followed strict four hourly feeding regime for eveyone else, I would go to the Common Room at those times. There I met a young woman just having given birth to her first baby. She was so interested to learn that we had also fostered pre-adoptiove babies for a local authority and asked loads of questions about how that went.

Then one day she told me the reason - her younger sister who had Downs Syndrome had been sexually abused by their father over several years and became pregnant by him. He had not been suspected as the father and the special school which she attended had been held to blame for not supervising all their pupils enough. The young woman telling me this was certain their Mother had suspected but stayed quiet. So, this young woman, then a teenager had reported their father to the police, and he was now in prison. Their Mother would not speak to her. The baby had been adopted, and the DS sister was in care.

Nearly fifty years later, I can still have total recall of that time, even to seeing the trees outside the window slightly moving their new spring leaves as I was told this horror story.

It had never crossed my mind that Dads were anything other than like the strict disciplinarian, but totally loving protector that was mine.

Have never assumed that after that time, nobody really knows what actually takes place behind the front door no matter how wonderful a family may apooear to be.

It always amazes me that some women stand by these creatures after they are found guilty. I could never in a million years do that.

A man in our village was sent to prison a couple of years ago for having a massive stash of kiddy porn, encouraging kids to engage in sexual acts and other ghastly stuff. He has 5 adult children all with responsible, professional jobs (one is a doctor) and I think his wife managed to hide the truth from them as he only actually served less than a year in prison but is on the Sex Offenders list. They all live away from the area.

She has stood by him and he is back living with her. I just cannot believe she even let him back in the house!

montymops

Love to you Seadragon and congratulations on your brave survival. Xx

Thank you!

Jaffacake2 I'm so sorry to hear that counselor was so awful.
You did everything right.

suzikyoo, some mother’s but not the majority. It’s hard enough when the discover their husband has abused their child without being blamed for something they knew nothing about
You aren’t alone in having worked in child protection

Have only just watched the documentary and there is no doubt in my mind that the mother was aware to some degree. I worked in Child Protection some years ago and was stunned at the silent collusion of the mother in so many cases. Fear of becoming a single parent and coping alone if the husband were to be imprisoned was the reason so often for the mother's denial. I struggle to believe that any mother would not have suspicions that something was 'off'. I absolutely I know I would.
The other thing that affected me deeply was how common it was and I have no hesitation is saying there is a good chance someone you know or know of has been or could be involved. These days, with the prevalence of and easy access to pornography, I can only imagine what I would prefer not to.
I believe there is also a strong case for more emphasis on observation by teachers as they have a vantage point of changes in nuanced behaviour etc in their pupils. I know there used to be an ESW (Educational Social Worker) in schools years ago but have been told that this is now no longer the case in every school.

My thoughts go out to all those who have suffered in this way and praise their immense courage in speaking up. It must be a life-long sentence to endure.

This is a terribly sad subject. And maybe now, after the Me Too movement, and Black Lives Matter, and others, the spotlight should be on Child Sexual Abuse . Maybe the time is right for this to come into the light. Maybe if this was more openly discussed, we could help some poor child who is suffering in silence. It needs to made to be seen as the shameful crime it really is. If we all, as a society, deplore drink drivers and terrorists, thugs who assault people, wife beaters, vandals etc etc, surely the spotlight should be on the adults who perpetrate this terrible crime of sexual abuse on innocent children? We need to do more to help our children understand that this is not normal behaviour, and that they will be listened to and believed.
My heart goes out to all people who are living with this terrible situation, may you find some peace in life, which you surely deserve.

Jaffacake. What a dreadful reaction from your counsellor. How dare she say it upset her after what you'd been through. It reminds me of my sister who wouldn't visit our teenage nephew when he was dying of cancer, having been through unimaginable horrors. She wouldn't see him in case it upset her. Did she imagine that those of us who visited every day, and me, who was there when he died, weren't upset?

How brave of you Bluebird to post and to everyone else who has suffered so.
I have just watched the documentary. What a brave and strong young lady she is. What a gutlesss, selfish pig her father is.

In my 40s I was suffering from depression and was referred to a counsellor. She asked about my childhood and I told her how I was abused . I hadn't spoken to anyone before about what had happened and vowed not to mention it again after the counsellors reaction. She started crying saying how shocked she was and that it upset her. I didn't see her again as the inner child knew I was doing something wrong by upsetting this lady.
My adult self thought I will shut the lid on the box of horrors in my brain and survive by never opening it again.

I was in my 30 s when I first spoke about it. My immediate family made it clear they would prefer to keep it a secret. I was fed up with secrets which I had kept all my life, but had a friend so was initially reluctant to tell her as I was so ashamed and embarrassed and really thought she would not want to be friends once she knew. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I have told the people I wanted to tell since then and never had s Negative response, nothing but sympathy and kindness.
Sf 101 the first time is the hardest but please talk to someone you trust , it really does help. Well I felt it helped me.
So many of us on here, it’s truly shocking. Love to you all xx

Thank you from me too, Bluebird243. I have a father who I'd better not meet up a dark alley.

knspol I know someone who has stayed with their husband after he was caught abusing his grandchild from the age of 6 until she was 8. When challenged, she says he is a good man who has done something bad. It means her daughter and granddaughter not only had the worst experience you can imagine from a supposedly loving father/grandfather but they have lost the other parent/grandparent too. I can't imagine putting a paedophile before my children but it happens!

Bluebird243 thanks for sharing your experience. It’s so good to see you and your mum are close x

My father was surprised by my mother who saw what was happening. She took me to a relatives house immediately. In shock. We had to move to another part of the country as he didn't want to let go. I was 2 years old.

My creepy stepfather used to come into my bedroom after nightshift and stand there. I wasn't asleep, I'd wake as soon as his key hit the front door. I was terrified. I told my mother. It didn't happen again.

I thank God for my mother, who saved me more than once. She suffered for it though, believe me. All her life. Mine too.

My 'father' is dead, If he wasn't I'd personally go and punch his lights out [and more] for what he did to me and my family.

I have one person who understands me. That's all. I am a very shy, cautious and cynical person. But full of empathy for others.

I watched it and thought the young lady was so brave to make the programme and was glad at the end that her and her mother could talk about it and come closer together.
I have never told a sole.

I watched this last night having read this thread, and found it incredibly moving. I too applaud the bravery of Emily to make the documentary.

The fact that she masked her suffering all the way through the abuse by smiling was shocking and showed how hard it must be for others (school staff, friends, family etc.) to know it was going on. I think this is an important message for all of us; a smiling child isn't always a happy one, and absences from school should raise the alarm and be followed through.

My heart goes out to all of you who experienced this terrible form of abuse from those who should have loved and protected you.

I think even if the mother might have thought something might be not quite right with her daughter surely the very last thing that would cross a wife's mind is that her DH was abusing their daughter.
In one job I had I had to attend magistrates courts and did come across the beginnings of a similar case that was directed to the Crown Court. At the end of the brief hearing the father was surrounded by what looked like his wife and maybe older children who were all hugging and comforting him. Obviously didn't know the full facts but couldn't believe the support.

My friend didn't even tell her husband until both her parents were dead. She suspected that her mother did know and tried to talk to her about it but was shut down swiftly with 'We don't talk about these things'.

The really awful, heart breaking thing for me - was when she said that she believed all families were just like hers - throughout her entire childhood.

As an adult, she's incapable of ever trusting anyone, having been let down so badly by her parents.

My Mum didn't know it was happening to me. By my father. I never told her either.

silverlining me too. Lives with you forever. I applaud the young woman speaking out on the TV documentary. So common for it not to be noticed.

This documentary affected me hugely. Luckily I have no experienced this but my heart broke for this little girl. The thing that struck me was her thinking that she had taken her mother’s place. Absolutely heartbreaking. Yes, this does need to be shown the light of day and support given to any small child (or adult) believed and supported. I could not understand how mum didn’t know (as a mum of two girls myself). I can only imagine that it’s so far from your experience that it never occurs. Honestly, I wish I could make it better for her and the ladies here who have experienced it. I’m sorry people still want to sweep this under the carpet but they are so wrong.

SueBdoo70, I’m so sorry that your daughter was abused by her monstrous father. At least you realised what was going on. I hope she managed to put it behind her. Paedophilia is impossible for me to understand, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen sadly.

I used to work for a grant giving charity which distributed funding to groups providing activities for children etc. As part of the grant giving process groups had to go on child protection training. As grants officer I had to facilitate this and attend to support groups as I was their main point of contact.

Some of the groups were really reluctant to attend. The trainer always used to say that if they understood how it happened and could recognise the warning signs then that helped them to protect children.

Paedophiles can be remarkably adept at hiding who they really are, if we as a society are more aware of the warning signs we can play a role in safeguarding children. Yes, these issues make difficult watching, but being uncomfortable and disgusted is a small price to pay if it plays a part in keeping a vulnerable person safe from harm.

Coming from an ordinary background,but older and wiser in the ways of the world,I can feel nothing but sorrow and anger on behalf of you all,your stories need to be heard and believed that your innocence was abused and your lives tarnished,if not ruined.
Nanna8,I am sorry for whatever reason you feel unable to share your story,but denying that other people have been abused is the same as brushing under the carpet and denying sexual abuse in families exists.