New Long Lost Family . ITV 9pm tonight

anyone watching

I watched it. So many coincidences.
So many of these children who were abandoned or given up for adoption seem to bear no bad feelings for their mothers yet they can’t all have been lovely people. I guess they want to believe they were nice people to make things easier to bear.

I was trying to help my friend’s husband find his birth family. We located one sister and wrote to her twice but she didn’t reply. There were several other siblings.

He had discovered he was born in a prison and that his Mother had him and another toddler brother taken from her and adopted separately. She had left them at home alone and they cried so much a neighbour had to feed them through the letter box before calling the Police. She went on to have other children before she died. He has no good feelings about her but he did want to meet his siblings as he now has Parkinsons and wonders if any others have it. He is now very poorly so looks like our search is at an end. He thinks the others probably don’t know she was imprisoned for neglecting two kids who then got adopted.

Do you have any idea what it was like for unmarried mothers in Ireland until a few years ago, Primrose?
It takes two to make a baby.

this is not about you Primrose.

On again tonight at 9PM.

abandoned babies

Callistemon21

Do you have any idea what it was like for unmarried mothers in Ireland until a few years ago, Primrose?
It takes two to make a baby.

Considering I am half Irish, yes I know full well thanks.

lemsip

this is not about you Primrose.

Did I say it was?

Crivvens! Anyone else finding these exchanges uncomfortable?......... I love all the "Long Lost Family programmes", knowing my mum was offered fostering/adoption/termination when she got pregnant with me while single and serving in the Royal Navy in 1949!....and yes, Lemsip, I know your post is not about me either.....
For what it is worth, Primrose53, I found your post thought provoking.

My husband was adopted, he was and his mother were the first two people to be reunited after the law change in 2005/6 to allow birth parents to trace their children.

It was a rollercoaster!

Primrose It is a very risky strategy to do your own unsolicited search, intermediaries are recommended.
I am intrigued to know how you got so much information without access to the adoption file.

I cry at every programme, that love for your baby never goes. The thought of someone else looking after them who might not, must haunt those mothers forever. The child however excellent the adoption must feel abandoned that’s why they excuse the mothers everything. It’s so very sad for everyone.My d who I loved with all my heart has cut me off, it doesn’t make sense.
I just hope those adult children get closure on the rejection and happiness with new found siblings or family, they deserve it.

I watched the first two episodes this morning and have to agree - it takes two but it's always the woman who has to cope. I couldn't help notice that the foundling on ep2 who's mum had 3 babies in three years starting aged 15 had a boyfriend in his 30s! When shown mums photo the foundling barely smiled but her face lit up when she saw a photo of her father. It's all very sad but the now-adult children seem to be OK despite their beginnings.

I am not sure why several posters took offence to Primroses post, I do not think she was making things about herself she only spoke about helping her friends husband to find his siblings as he had been adopted. Sago you asked about Primroses friend having information about the adoption file. The person in question would have been given all information in regard of his birth and everything else held on file about him including the other sibling that was adopted. Social services keep that information and when the person asks for their file once they reach 18 years old they are allowed to have it. The fact he was adopted would be on that file and possibly anything the adoptive family knew then surely they would be willing to tell him. I watched the programme Tuesday and Wednesday and felt so sorry for those children abandoned at birth so heart-breaking for them. I think the only reason their mothers abandoned them was because they were desperate and could nothing else.

Small typing error at the end of my post. it should read they were desperate and could do nothing else.

Sago as I said in my post “HE had discovered” meaning he has copies of his social services records including newspaper cuttings about being neglected as well as details about his mother and his subsequent adoption, which was by all accounts a good one.

When he was diagnosed with Parkinsons we were chatting and it turned out all his siblings lived in a county where I used to live and I had neighbours with the same, unusual surname as his birth mother. He asked me if I would help him compose a letter as his wife’s first language is not English.

3nanny6

I am not sure why several posters took offence to Primroses post, I do not think she was making things about herself she only spoke about helping her friends husband to find his siblings as he had been adopted. Sago you asked about Primroses friend having information about the adoption file. The person in question would have been given all information in regard of his birth and everything else held on file about him including the other sibling that was adopted. Social services keep that information and when the person asks for their file once they reach 18 years old they are allowed to have it. The fact he was adopted would be on that file and possibly anything the adoptive family knew then surely they would be willing to tell him. I watched the programme Tuesday and Wednesday and felt so sorry for those children abandoned at birth so heart-breaking for them. I think the only reason their mothers abandoned them was because they were desperate and could nothing else.

Thank you 3nanny6.

Some people just like to pick holes in everything and try and make out you are lying.

seadragon

Crivvens! Anyone else finding these exchanges uncomfortable?......... I love all the "Long Lost Family programmes", knowing my mum was offered fostering/adoption/termination when she got pregnant with me while single and serving in the Royal Navy in 1949!....and yes, Lemsip, I know your post is not about me either.....
For what it is worth, Primrose53, I found your post thought provoking.

So many of these children who were abandoned or given up for adoption seem to bear no bad feelings for their mothers yet they can’t all have been lovely people. I guess they want to believe they were nice people to make things easier to bear

It was this that was unkind.
Desperation drives even the loveliest people to do such things; hoping someone will find their baby and the child will have a better life than they could give them.

Of course there will be some who are callous and dump their baby but generally they were few and far between.
I know of one such tragic case where the baby was dumped like rubbish but even then, I doubt the very young mother was in her right mind. It was her boyfriend who dumped the baby, which did not survive. Her family was distraught when they found out.

I was adopted in 1949 and I knew I had Irish connections. Even in UK at that time right up until even the early 70s there was a stigma about 'unmarried mothers'. . I don't know if I was actually told or overheard some whispers but I knew mine was not going to be a 'horror' story and was going to be as simple as 'unmarried mother' and it was. How awful times were then how cruel. I never had much interest in finding my birth family I am not sure why perhaps I felt I knew enough. My adopted Father died when I was 16 the biggest disaster of my life. After that life took over, 3 children, full time job etc just no time or money to do it. When my adopted mother died in 1990 my sister, their own child. was clearing out her house and found my adoption papers and phoned and asked me if I wanted her to send them to me. I told my daughter who I didn't realise didn't know I was adopted there had never a secret about it my uncle had also adopted a daughter I just thought there were different ways to have babies, you had them, you chose one or as I went to a Catholic Convent School I left school school believing that if you chewed gum the street wearing school uniform you got pregnant. My daughter was so excited and said she would do it all. I knew the Adoption was through The Catholic Crusade of Rescue, hunting around looking for where the Christmas presents were hidden I expect! We phoned them and spoke to someone who said hang on I will look for your file hang on, a few minutes later he said i have found it, I was a bit shocked, he asked for my address to send it to me and then said he lived near me, would be passing my house on the way home from work and he would drop it in. When he arrived he said that it would be an easy search, virtually no details just a few scribbled words, 20 minutes and 3rd phone call later I was talking to a cousin! she knew who I was as soon as she heard my first name and said 'we have been waiting 40 years for you to phone' and that was it. Unfortunately my Mother had died but her twin brother, an amazing man such a character , was very upset because he thought I had come over to tell him off for 'abandoning 'me. He knew nothing about it all. After I explained that of course I hadn't and that I was worried the family would be cross I had found them! I think about the terrible thing that happened to all those poor wasn't meant to be this long

Callistemon21

seadragon

Crivvens! Anyone else finding these exchanges uncomfortable?......... I love all the "Long Lost Family programmes", knowing my mum was offered fostering/adoption/termination when she got pregnant with me while single and serving in the Royal Navy in 1949!....and yes, Lemsip, I know your post is not about me either.....
For what it is worth, Primrose53, I found your post thought provoking.

So many of these children who were abandoned or given up for adoption seem to bear no bad feelings for their mothers yet they can’t all have been lovely people. I guess they want to believe they were nice people to make things easier to bear

It was this that was unkind.
Desperation drives even the loveliest people to do such things; hoping someone will find their baby and the child will have a better life than they could give them.

Of course there will be some who are callous and dump their baby but generally they were few and far between.
I know of one such tragic case where the baby was dumped like rubbish but even then, I doubt the very young mother was in her right mind. It was her boyfriend who dumped the baby, which did not survive. Her family was distraught when they found out.

How can you see that as unkind? It’s my opinion and then you go on to say there are some people who do it. 🤔

I form my opinion from having a few friends who were adopted and also former work colleagues.

I have an Irish cousin who was adopted shortly after birth. She was never told she was adopted and had excellent new parents and was their only child.

Both parents died when she was in her early twenties and then she got the shock of her life when she discovered she was adopted and had 9 or 10 siblings. She was the youngest and her mum died giving birth to her. Her Father could not cope with a newborn as well so the hospital arranged her adoption.