Keep calm and declutter - Q&A with "tidy" expert Marie Kondo

Some very good tips here, there is also a short piece called I murdered my library by Linda Grant on kindle. We have been de cluttering for about 2 years and the piece resonated with me. We are some of the best donators at our local Red Cross book shop and ditto at our local charity shop. I gave a lot of assorted crockery to our lovely teashop.I am trying to use up consumables and cleaning stuff. Also we have people lined up for furniture.
I created a scrap book for each son which had important photos and momentos in and with a brief family tree of each side of the family. So hopefully when we die they will have important stuff.
We hope to be moving to a much smaller property and only want to take what we love and need.

I went to my cousin's to take care of her after a hip replacement. She had to stay in hospital and I and her sister, summoned from Australia stayed in her house without her. She had every till receipt she had ever had coiled up neatly in every single pot and vase. Every cupboard, drawer and niche was full of Stuff. Like me she was a war baby and had never had many toys etc. when young.

I went home determined to clear out my clutter. I could imagine my daughters going through all my stuff saying 'Why did the Silly old bat keep this?' as I had just done (in a kindly way) with my cousin. I opened a drawer, looked at the contents, felt overwhelmed and shut it again. Two months later, no progress apart from throwing some plastic plant pots in the garage. Its seriously psychological.!!

We are sisters under the skin, BarbaraAbbs. I know it's time I put about a ton of paperwork through the shredder, but prefer to shut the door on it all.

I find it quite easy to throw stuff out. I too have one of those husbands who sneaks quite a lot of the stuff I've reserved for throwing out back into the house, drives me mad.

I did read somewhere that if you have a lot of memorabilia that reminds you of someone or an occasion but is of no use to you any more. Take a photograph of it and then get rid of the actual item. Keep all your photos of all your memento's in a special photo album, or even on your computer (don't forget to keep a back up or two though). Photo's take up a lot less space than actual things and you can still look back on happy memories.

I am currently in the long process of sorting through my office at home. It houses everything that was to do with our own business and other stuff too for the last 25 years. It's been fun digging things out but I can identify with people who have said they find it emotional. I have got quite depressed myself at where the last 25 years has disappeared to, in what seems the blink of an eye. To keep me motivated I started a blog on my office clutter clearing. stormyweather.wordpress.com/

Annodomini and BarbaraAbbs - 15 minutes. Commit just 15 minutes a day to going through that draw or mountain of paperwork. It's hard at first but it starts to pick up momentum and you'll look forward to it - honest. Cos I'm a bit weird and always wait until my deodorant is perfectly dry before I put my clothes on I used to use that time to pick up a bunch of paperwork and go through it, shredding and sorting, because the room I was decluttering was in close proximity to my bedroom. Perhaps you could do some while you're waiting for your meals to cook

Just downloaded your book onto Kindle and am at Chapter 5 already. Can't wait to get cracking!

I've started doing it . I felt a bit weird to say the least holding something and saying do you make me happy but it works surprisingly well. Garments which were expensive but did nothing for me but kept out of guilt or bargains which weren't are suddenly easy to ditch. And not thinking about DH's clutter helped because he suddenly pruned a file that I had been nagging him about. It is catching. Also rolling sweaters in a drawer so you can see them is clever. The same number fit in the drawer and I don't have to root. I always went for the mantra having nothing about you which you believe to be useful or beautiful but I'm adding make me happy. It never occurred to me that something beautiful but the wrong colour or something useful but which I don't use could lead another life.

One of my problems is that the piles of stuff I have hung on to are WORTH money! It seems so wasteful just to put them into a black bag and give them away. I hope I don't sound mean but I think that having very little as a child makes me hang on to the valuables I now have and have worked hard for...even though I haven't used the lampshades, the old work suits, hand bags, bedding, shoes etc for years.

None of the stuff is worn or tatty either. Lots of it is as new. It's all in good condition so I feel I should be making money from it. (I could do with extra income these days!) Older things I do give to charity shops etc, but I am pretty useless at even contemplating giving "good" things away, and I wish I knew why. I am sure I wouldn't miss them if they were gone, but I feel they all have value, so I do nothing about them.

The piles of unused things aren't giving me pleasure because they are taking up valuable space in the house. I am a generous person by nature but I think "Waste not, want not!" was drummed into me as a child. EVERYTHING we had then was special and wasn't come by easily. Why I am like this I do not know. (Oh, and I just cannot contemplate the organisation required to do a car boot sale or sell things on Ebay.)

Am I a lost cause?

No Day6 you are not alone! I've started and stopped so many times because I find it totally and utterly boring. I keep meaning to have another go at the receipts but as soon as I've shredded them there's another pile developing. I feel the same about housework too. There's far more interesting things to be getting on with. I've stopped myself buying more stuff though -except for books. I can never have too many books

Wilkinson's (Wilko) have some small concertina type folder files which are a perfect size for receipts. There are 12 compartments c/w labels for each month of the year. Pop your receipts into the month when the 12 month warranty would be up then go through it each month and throw out receipts no longer required. Or if they're receipts for presents you might want to change, you can put them in the month you bought them and then next month when the recipient is happy with their pressie you can throw them away. The main thing is it keeps them all in one place, in date order so you have a chance of finding what you're looking for quickly and it only takes 5 minutes for regular clear outs.

Well I am not sure that the response to the problems I have is helpful at all. I note that some others have had a similar response. This was my original post.

"As my OH has just brought home 12 more charity shop CDs and three books he will never listen to, but just hoard. the whole idea of never being able to de-clutter and clear out makes me feel ill.

I just want to move out, leave it all behind me and find some where I don't have to put up with this crap. The bloody boxes of unread books and CDs are spilling out onto the landing.

I am sick of it. sad angry"

REPLY
" The most important point in decluttering is to finish decluttering your own things first. Can you honestly say that you’ve completely finished doing that? Usually it’s when we haven’t taken care of our own stuff, that other people’s things and actions bother us. (I know because, believe it or not, that’s the way I was!)

So I recommend that you stop focusing on your husband’s clutter and instead concentrate on your own. The trick is to do this on your own, quietly, without saying or even implying, "Look at me! Look at all the decluttering I’m doing!".

When you have completely decluttered your own space, you’ll be feeling much better, and you’ll be surprised to see that your family begins to declutter, too. It’s strange, but decluttering appears to be catching. Try it and see!

Well yes but that does not begin to describe the problems I and other GNrs face.
Very little of the clutter in the house is mine. My problem is not having anywhere to store stuff I want and need to keep as OHs clutter has taken over a disproportionate amount of space in our house.

I am left feeling really angry at this response.

I can't say I would take any notice of that Nellie as I would simply chuck stuff in the bin when he was out. I have one room which is a total tip where I sew. There are quilts in stages of completion ,never less than three on the go. I look on it as my studio. Can you designate a room for your DH's stuff and park it there? I found the post quite helpful in that it seemed to give me permission to throw away things.

I understand you Nellie, I know the feelings of frustration well. I'd tend to agree with Stansgran, if you say he will never listen to the CD's or read the books, why not get loads of the ones he's had ages, and take the whole lot to a charity shop or even the tip. Just chuck them all when he's not around, if he never listens to them he'll be none the wiser.

I have to say I thought it a bit far fetched, though I've heard it said before, that de-cluttering rubs off, I can't say I've ever noticed. People either hoard stuff or they don't and no matter how much you clear out, I doubt very much they'll copy you. In fact if anything you can pretty much guarantee that if you clear a space, someone else will come along and fill it up with more junk.

I'm wondering what to do with the clothing items that are "joyful" but just a LITTLE too snug. I like to keep them because they motivate me to lose weight. Keep or pitch?

Nelliemoser

The problem here is more than clutter. It is a longer term habit of not seeing your rights. It's his own issues with holding onto the past and fear of what might happen in the future. You may be content with what you need/have now, he isnt. Nagging and resentment and anger just make someone dig in their heels.

A multi-point, and probably multi-year plan:
Current space.
Curating a Collection, not hoarding junk.
Issues with the past
Issues with the future

Current space: if your stuff is sorted, point out that the house and property is half yours, and if you chose to leave your half unstuffed, that doesnt give him the right to fill it with his. Nor does he have the right to fill beutral zones, like the corners of rooms or the dining table. Designate his main area (sheds, garage, half the garden) and areas in each room. Be ruthless about defending your turf, and neutral zones. But other than helping display or insisting he dust the stuff on his shelves or other areas, IGNORE his junky bits. not easy, but you really must let his half be his half. (Well, his third, ince you account fir the neutral zones). If you never get past this stage, at least your home and property will be 2/3 bearable.

Collecting vs. Hoarding
Like many hoarders, he probably thinks of himself as a collector. Someone with a fine eye for quality or rarity, especially at a good price. He thinks of these purchases as an investment, and himself a bit of an expert. Use this to your advantage. Play along.

Past issues: can you bring yourself to admire one sub-collection? Which you can help him create an actual display of on his shelves in your main room? And then carefully store the rest, labelled? Or (hope against hope) then discard the junky bits, and only keep the fine collection. Get him to talk about these things, make a point of getting the kids and grandkids to ask about them. Whatever is driving his need for those books, or tools, or trains or cars, is probably an interesting thing for at least one of you to know about him.

Next year, pick another sub-category. Turning each pile into a proper collection, giving him a chance to share the collection, and share whatever is driving his need to collect, might help him appreciate the joy, as Marie Kondo says, each item brings him, and realize that some items dont. That new joy can be had by returning the bits that serve no purpose to his fine collection back in circulation, for those who might need parts, or be happy with that lower grade item. Or maybe, once he starts treating some of his collecting Very Seriously, then he will be less interested in other parts and can be convinced to let someone else have the joy.

Future Issues: does he have notions of you, or the kids and grandkids sorting it out and making a fortune because so much of this is/will be valuable? You, and they, need to make clear that, if he thinks there is cash value in any of it, he needs to deal with cashing in the asset. He is the expert and needs to ACT if he wants you to benefit. Because you wont have the physical or emotional strength, and the kids and grandkids simply won't have the time, even if they do have the interest. Everything will go to charity or the tip. Even if you try to sell it, you could be easily tricked by anyone who seems knowledgeable, but is not honest. He needs to protect you from this possibility by reducing his collections to their valuable minimum, having them valued, documenting them, documenting the best way to dispose of them. If his joy is in feeling like he is caring for you by providing this future asset, he needs to actually make it usable, by cashing in himself, or making it very easy for you to do so.

It may help, to begin with being quite noticeably busy curating your stuff. Noting that this thing is finer than the thing you have, and so, you will replace one with the other. Or noting that a gift was a joy to receive, but is unnecessary, so you will pass it on to charity. Even if that thing is a just black cardigan, or a new sugar bowl.

I do find that if I say declutter my desk, a week later, without me saying something, DH has decluttered his.

Silvershells. Keep? So long as you are not keeping loads of them! For a long time!

Momandgrandma I wonder if you noticed that nelliemoser's post was written last June? I am sure your well-intentioned and comprehensive reply would have been appreciated, but it is possible she has stopped reading this thread some time ago?

I see that this discussion is a year old now, but some people are still active. I am just finding out about Marie Kondo's book, and have read someone else's summary version while I wait for my copy.

I have a lot of practice/experience de-cluttering, as it has been a nearly life-long struggle to master. I am not a hoarder by clinical definition, but it has always been a big problem for me, and did cause significant hardship when I was married. I am terrified to end up as an old person who gets buried under their stuff, which fuels my efforts.

My biggest question right now is what if you have two spaces? I recently spent three months out of state with my family, and much of my belongings are in storage in order to rent out my furnished room. I returned and my roommate is moving, which makes this The Best Time to do this.

But since most of my clothes are in storage, I skipped that, and she says is truly a key element to making this work. Instead I started with kitchen utensils - probably the only place there the room is also a "category", as we are not supposed to sort by room as well - and I can see why that would be effective.

However, I also keep seeing things that I want gone or moved or whatever in categories I won't be able to get to for a while. So I keep moving these things into my roommate's empty room to just get them out of the way. So there is another rule I am breaking.

But when I think about bringing all my stuff in from storage before starting, it fills me with turmoil. This is no exaggeration, there is no other word for it. I need to start interviewing for a new roommate ASAP, and there is more than enough cleaning for me to do before I can - mildew in the bathroom, general floorboard grime, etc.

Any suggestions? I just don't know what is the most appropriate way to do this given these limitations.

I thought maybe I could just do it twice - once the way the apartment is right now, and then do it again at the storage space, only bringing in items that pass the "joy test". But that is already not quite right, as today I had to bring my laundry cart, vacuum, and a box of misc toiletries in from storage just for day-to-day needs. And as I have a job interview next week, I'll have to face clothes in another few days.

The other question is how other people have handled subdividing their categories. For the self-proclaimed "food prep/handling/storage" category, or "kitchen" for short, I started with just dishes. Then mugs, then glasses, then utensils. But now that I'm at other prep tools, I'm overwhelmed. Cutting knives, garlic crushers, ladle, serving spoons...

I feel the tidal wave and am stopped in my tracks. I took two naps in the process of trying to handle this, interspersed with deep-cleaning the fridge, backsplash, etc when I have too much anxiety.

Any Marie Kondo experts out there who could advise me?!

Are you sort of an all or nothing person?
Would you be able to manage ^a little ^of the other things that need sorting? Then switch bag to the category you are on?
[I am not a MK expert].
I can see that you are anxious about this.
Hopefully other gransnetters will come on and help you declutter too.

Very well done for achieving what you have already achieved so far.

I think the world is divided into hoarders and slingers and never the twain shall meet. I sling; Mr absent hoards. Sometimes I sling what Mr absent has hoarded. He doesn't notice.

Like some others, we are in the middle of decluttering the family artifacts accumilated over 25 years in one house.

DSs look aghast when we suggest they take what remains of their bits. Plus one of them has left some furniture, not needed when he last moved, but may be wanted later!?

We took a large quantity of books to the charity shop. Later DH brought an identical book to one we had given away, back only it had a different cover!
.
What hope do I have? X

Oh and before I'm told to look at my own clutter!!

I am not parting with any of my handbags! x