Sex and relationships webchat with Trudy Hannington

Am I alone is disliking giving oral sex? If I start a new relationship will it be expected?

Hi trudy. I'm not sure you (or anyone really!) can help, but I have a question about getting over a breakup. My husband and I were happily married for many years, or so I thought. He left me almost a year ago now, and i feel just as bereft as i did the week he left, despite a brief time when t thought i was on an even keel. i recently had to see him at our daughter's birthday lunch, which has sent me right back to square 1 it feels. other than occasions like that, i've asked him not to contact me and he seems to be able to keep to this request with no trouble, which also hurts. Id just like your advice on how to feel better and stop pinning my hopes on him changing his mind. i'm quite young still but am certain that i won't find anyone like him again and have no interest in meeting anyone new - it would end in the same way, and i couldn't tolerate that again.

I divorced 18 months ago and my friends have told me I need to go internet dating. After 31 years of marriage I'm concerned about the expectations a lady might have of me these days in this modern age.
I am quite active (I'm 76) but not sure what to expect.

I was brought up to think that sex was somehow "dirty" and although I have had a good sex life (I think) in spite of this there is still a part of me that is somehow ashamed of this fact. In my head I know it's something that everyone does, that it's fine to do given I am a grown woman and married (yes - they told me sex out of marriage was a cardinal sin) I would love to change the way I feel as I think it would make me less inhibited.

Hi I've just come across from twitter. I am 57 and I've never had an orgasm although I do enjoy sex with my husband, I've become so used to faking it I'm not sure whether it's too late to do something about it now. Do some women just not have orgasms?

I've never talked about this with my friends as I assume they all have very healthy sex lives with their partners.

I do love my husband by the way, and not having an orgasm doesn't mean I don't enjoy the intimacy of sex. I would be interested to find out whether I am normal in this.

I am now single and I miss sex (although I would never admit this to anyone in real life)

I have considered buying a vibrator but am far too embarrassed to go into a shop to buy one and am nervous about shopping online - partly because I don't know what to buy and partly because (and I know it sounds silly) they will have my name and I really don't want anyone anywhere to know about this. I know, silly, but I can't seem to get over this

Happily married but with a much higher sex drive than my husband (who is only three years older.) Can you suggest ways round this?

My husband and I are happily married but both have developed back problems (disc for me, muscular for him)

Ideas for enjoying a healthy sex life without one of us yelping in pain or doing ourselves a mischief would be much appreciated

Oh! Thanks .... I shall know in future.

It isn't just Ipad, However many asterisks you put, it only does two - unless you have some real letters in there as well. You could type f*****g to get all your asterisks in (f'rinstance).

It's ipad (they're very prudish and have a mind of their own. I regularly have arguements with mine!)

I definitely.

There must be a gremlin on my I pad Indefinitely put four asterisks

Oh my goodness I did not write they do you up!!! I wrote they** you up , using the asterisks . someone must have changed it at HQ.
By the way, I do not actually blame my parents although it sounds like it. They had no intention of messing with my head. they were very sincere people.However , I think the way I was brought up accounts for it. wonder if my four letter word will come up as such this time!!!

AtquiNot quite the words of the poet!

My father died when I was 17 and I was freed from him waiting at the garden gate when I came home from the Church youth club.
After that my mother fell to pieces and I had absolute freedom 'Je ne regret rien'
Sorry to read about your young days and the left over guilt.
I came to live on the continent and there never was a Queen Victoria here and they are not prudes. But still people have problems - in their sex lives as well. So don't blame your parents for it.
I get the feeling Trudy won't have any questions to answer nor will she be in able to answer the problems of people a whole generation older. She can turn herself inside out but she will never know what being 60+ or 70 + is like.

Tegan How I sympathise ( empathise?) with you. I didn't live with anyone before I was married, but was brought up in a very evangelical Christian home . My parents would have been mortified if they thought I was having sex before marriage. consequently I feel that I missed out on much of the fun in my college years because I took this view on board too. Fortunately lust got the better of me in my twenties , but I do think that guilt has had a detrimental effect on my view of sex, along with all the publicity about sexual abuse by men, and pornography as the norm it seems. Having said that I was very liberal with my girls who were allowed to sleep with there boyfriends ' under my roof'. No matter how much you love your parents , or what good people they are,they do you up ( in the words of the poet )!!!

I have a question why has my husband gone off sex?

Actually I have a question if anyone can help my husband has totally gone off sex?

Does anyone remember that film, The Family Way with Hayley Mills? I've been pondering lately as to why sex has never been high on my list of priorities [and isn't even on the list now!]. And it got me thinking back to things that happened when I was young. Not abuse or anything like that. But, I lived with my boyfriend at a time when it wasn't quite the done thing, so, when we were with his family we had to pretend that we had separate rooms in our student houses. Sometimes they would question me about 'my room' and I would go crimson. One time it happened in a room full of people at Christmas and I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. Soon afterwards other members of the family lived with their boyfriends and it was all open and accepted. But I had felt embarrassed and ashamed for years. I don't think I have ever got over it. A few other things happened round about that time as well that made it worse eg living in shared houses where the walls were so paper thin that we all heard what was going on in everyones rooms [some of them were very noisy ] and I then felt inadequate. I just wondered how things like that do affect our sex lives as we get older. I did see a therapist once to try to save my marriage but she just said to me after I'd poured my heart out to her 'I think you are feeling guilty'. That was it; no advice just, somehow, blaming me .As nananew has just said, I do feel that it's part of my life that could have been so different and feel quite sad about it now [and do now feel guilty that my husband hadn't had the marriage he'd've wanted, although things might have been different if he'd just said to his family 'we're living together and that's that' instead of me having to live a lie]. My parents, bless them, much older and more conservative than my ex's just assumed we were living together [as man and wife, as they put it] and just said 'we'll give you £50 when you get married, which we did and they honoured it.

Would you be brave enough to up the ante.
Do some little thing that you've not done before, or not done for many years.

A little gesture, or a touch to make the first move.

And I do think that good sex starts hours beforehand.... being flirty...gently..

Hi Trudy, I am wondering at what point do you think couples should seek sex/relationship counselling? Me and my partner have had issues in this area for as long as I can remember, I just don't know why we have them. We love each other, and every other aspect of our relationship is as good as it gets IMO, but this is our one shortfall and always has been.

Is it too late to do something about it (early 60s now) and seek help? We have the next twenty years stretching out ahead of us (I hope!) and I do feel sad that we have missed out on what others describe as fulfilling and exciting sex life, but I just don't know where we are going wrong.

Everything about it screams routine and dare I say it...boredom. I think it is his fault because he is too much of a gentleman and I think he blames me because I can be quite withdrawn.

I do find it difficult to talk about to him (or anyone!) and he certainly does, so we are at a bit of a stalemate...

Would be interested to hear your thoughts/ comments. Thank you.

Janerowena any hotel can arrange baby sitting these days. It's up to your DD to sort it out. And Gillybob has said that money is short on all sides. But Gillybob all this sounds to me as though ,much as you love them ,there are some very selfish people in your family. Your DD has a house and goes out clubbing? Why aren't her DNs staying with her overnight to give you a break in exchange for your housework or at your parents to provide chat and life ? Just suppose you are taken out of the equation,slipped disc or work schedule doubled take your pick but it does happen and they would have to manage. Why can't DD and her husband negotiate shifts ? I've not walked in your shoes but look at the situation with icy calm and see what happens. I feel so sorry when I read your posts and although I 've never met you I worry!

Well I'm 73, my partner now 84. A glass or 3 gets us both giggling and there's always a little blue pill when required. Life is good, long may it last !