Paul McKenna webchat - 3 things that will change your destiny

Thank you so much for your questions. I hope that my answers were helpful. I know that I've recommended a number of my products, but that's the reason I made them. I can't get to see everyone personally, but in the digital age we live in you can obtain an app or audio download of things that I would do in a normal session. I'm very excited about my new book, and whether your life isn't where you want to to be or you're in great shape and you'd like it to be better, I genuinely believe the book can help. I hope 2015 is an amazing year for you. Sending you love and light from Gransnet HQ, God Bless, Paul.

GranNanLyn

Hi Paul I have just listened to your cd from 3 things to change your destiny. I find it very difficult to visualise I feel there is a block could my tinnitus have something to do with this? I will keep preserving but if you have any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Hi GranNanLyn,

Don't worry about being able to visualise perfectly, it's not essential. In fact, everyone can visualise. For example, think about the colour of your front door and which side the handle is on. In order to answer those questions you have to go into your memory and make a picture. It may not be that vivid, but it isn't important - we need to know the difference between the real and the imaginary in order to function in the world.

I don't think that the tinnitus is interfering with you listening to the CD, but I know it must be frustrating at times. However, may I recommend that you seek treatment, and I would like to recommend a couple of my colleagues that can help you with this: Kevin Leigh, or Dr Steven Simpson.

KatyK

Hello Paul

I am 65. I have never had any confidence and get very anxious about the slightest thing. My upbringing was quite horrible and I have suffered quite a few traumas in later life. It would be nice, at this stage in my life, to let go of the past and be happier. Can this be done do you think?

Hi Kathy,

Lots of people need a boost of confidence these days with everything that's going on in the world. I would recommend my confidence app I Can Make You Confident, or may I recommend three of my colleagues, depending on where you live. Tina Taylor in Woking, Kevin Laye in London or Helen Goldstein also in London.

jose

I have used Paul's relaxation CD for a few years now, it has been very helpful. Must admit I have never heard the whole of the CD, as I have dropped of to sleep. Have nothing but praise.

Hi jose, and thank you so much for your kind words. It makes my day whenever I hear that I've been able to help someone. A lot of people ask me if they fall asleep during the CD, are the hypnotic messages still gong into the subconscious mind? And the answer is yes. Happy New Year, and continued success, all my best.

joanfdunlop

How do you mend broken heart?

There's a difference between the approach I would take from the love pain that follows the end of a relationship and the approach I would take for the pain that follows a bereavement. If you're feeling broken-hearted from a relationship breakup it's really very straightforward. Someone you love or care about has gone and it's understandable that you miss them, and feel pain. To some extent it may feel that some of the happiness in your future has ben cancelled and all the helpful advice from friends like 'there are plenty of fish in the sea' doesn't really make any difference. Every human being has within them a mechanism to overcome love pain heartbreak, otherwise nobody would be able to move on. Of course at the time it happens it feels awful and yet people recover from it all the time.

I've had my heart broken several times, so I decided to research the subject about 10 years ago and I wrote a book with my colleague Dr Hugh Wilbourne called I Can Mend Your Broken Heart. It comes with a CD and helps your mind to process the overwhelming emotions of upset differently so that you get over the sorrow, over the sadness and the anger and are able to move into a place of happiness and strength once again. Also, the book has several techniques and a more thorough explanation as to why this happens and how we can deal with it. If it's any consolation the Buddhists say 'your heart is meant to be broken, as that's how it opens'. Hope you feel better soon, God Bless.

PPP

Hello Paul

Do you have a cure for life long insomnia? The only thing that works is sleeping pills. Have tried CBT, yoga, meditation and all the usual ridiculous things such as herbs and soothing drinks. Would hypnosis help?

Hi there,

I can't promise you a cure for lifelong insomnia, but I do have a very successful treatment. Nobody wants to be addicted to sleeping pills, and personally I think CBT is next to useless. Yoga and meditation do still the mind, but they are not cures for insomnia. I would recommend my app I Can Make You Sleep, which is available from iTunes and Google Android.

This contains a hypnotic chant and several different things that can help you get to sleep at night and stop your mind from racing. I've spent many years working with people with insomnia and all of my best techniques are on this app. A good night's sleep isn't just about how long you sleep, it's also about the depth and quality of the sleep. It is a small investment that I think could potentially really help you improve the quality of your sleep and the quality of your life. Good luck and Happy New Year.

anniezzz09

I've had some hypnotherapy and I found it really useful. In the past it was about self confidence and then more recently for fear of flying which was stunningly successful.
I suppose what I wonder is, if our subconscious is there to protect us and we don't know what might be hidden away from our conscious mind, does hypnotherapy actually change these hidden things? And what is the relationship with willpower? Eg if we eat chocolate to satisfy an emotional need although we might know consciously it isn't good for us in various ways, does the emotional need go away with hypnotherapy or does it just get transferred to something else?

I do like the idea of still having a destiny in my 60s!

Hi Annie,

You're right, our unconscious mind does want to protect us and there may be things that we're not aware of that are, as you put it, hidden away and it may be best that they stay there. The example you give, when we eat to change a feeling, is a good example of the unconscious mind doing its best to help us, but without considering the long term health consequences of excessive eating. Now, this is because the unconscious mind is purposeful, not logical. For example, people with phobias find that they feel extreme fears like being scared of dogs, or going to the dentist etc. This is their mind trying to protect them.

indeed, we should be frightened of dangerous dogs and if we're in pain we do need to let the dentist know, but that doesn't mean that we never go near any dog or visit the dentist. So what the hypnotist does is adjust the thermostat of fear so that we keep our abilities to protect ourselves but are able to engage in life. It's the same with an emotional need. Every emotion is trying to tell us something but sometimes we squash the emotion with food. Whilst this works in the short term it means the emotion will just signal louder in the long term.

I would suggest visiting Dr Stephen Simpson, or if you want to you could try my wright loss app, I Can Make You Thin. I've written a book which comes with a CD and DVD which deals with this subject, it's called Freedom from Emotional Eating. I think you'll find the havering technique in the programme very useful. Good luck and Happy New Year.

aspiringauthor

I have always wanted to write a book. I have the idea. I have made notes. I'm keener than anything to make this happen. But every time I settle down to it I find my motivation deserts me. It's so frustrating because I really do want to achieve this - I wonder whether motivation is actually the problem or whether this stems from a lack of confidence instead? Either way any tips would be great - it would be awful to think I had never even tried in the end

I get asked this question quite a bit. I write self improvement books so I imagine that the person I'm trying to help is sitting in front of me, and I imagine what I would say to them and what techniques I would do with them, and I build the book from there. I also do a technique where I imagine going into the future and holding the book, and I start to get flashes and ideas about the emotional tone of the book, and the more I do this more ideas I get. I understand that people who write novels have a story, and the best thing to do with any story is to tell it to people and see if it holds their attention. If it does and people are fascinated by it, and they like it, then you know you have the foundations of a good book. That's where I'd begin.

A lot of authors, myself included, have trouble getting started, but even if you write a page a day, that becomes two pages and three pages etc., and it helps you to overcome the inertia. I would strongly suggest that you try to have a written plan, where you start with a detailed outline and once you've' done that, break it down into chunks, for example 12 different chapters, then tackle one chapter at a time. If you're trying to do it all at once it'll be overwhelming, so by making it into small parts it's easier to do. There's a wonderful system for helping people to write called Mind Mapping by the creative genius Tony Buzan. A lot of authors find this technique really helpful. It helps them to get their ideas down and then organise them in a linear fashion so that they're easier to read.

You can find out all about Mind Mapping online, or you can even take a course in it. Once you get good at it, not only does it make you a better writer but a better learner. I think Mind Mapping could really help you. Good luck, and I look forward to seeing your book on the bookshelves when you've done it.

posie

Not sure where to start but at 60yrs old I find myself living on my own, anxious & totally lacking in self confidence.

I've been having counselling & have realised that at the age of 16 I went from living with dominating parents to living with a dominating, controlling Husband that was 25yrs older than me.

Two yrs ago he was diagnosed with Alzheimers & 5months ago after attacking me he was sectioned. Initially I was relieved but that was very short lived & I have found it very tough & hard to cope on my own.

I've been his carer for the last 15yrs but now I will have to look for a job. I don't have any qualifications or much experience & feel panicky at the thought of it all.

Although in theory I now have the chance at last to go out & do what I want, I don't know what that is or how to go about it?

I feel as though I'm still stuck on the inside as the shy inexperienced 16yr old.
Am I a lost cause? Is it too late?

Hi Posie,

I believe that no matter what age you are, or how difficult your circumstances are, there's always hope. As you have a medical condition, I think it would be good to see a medical doctor. I recommend Dr Stephen Simpson. Not only does he practise medicine, he also practises some of the same techniques that I do. He's a very kind and gentle man and I think he can help you. Here are his details. All my best, Paul.

cathymcd

If I recall correctly last time you came to Gransnet you said something about do you own the chocolate or does the chocolate own you? I have given this great thought and conclude (alas) that the chocolate owns me. I seem to be able to take control of everything else but not this. Help!

Hi Cathy,

You're absolutely right, it's very common that if you can't have one piece of chocolate without demolishing an entire bar, the chocolate's in charge and not you. I do a simple technique on my audio programme and app, I can Make You Thin, that helps you overcome compulsions and probably the most popular compulsion, which is chocolate. This technique doesn't mean that you never eat chocolate again, it means you can take it or leave it. In other words, you have a choice in the matter and that, to me, is freedom. Thanks for your question and Happy New Year.

Marmight

'Mend a Broken Heart'? You can do that? Mine is broken - widowed too early and too suddenly. So what can you do for me! I wait with baited breath ......................

Hi Marmight,

I wrote the book 'I Can Mend Your Broken Heart' with Dr Hugh Wilborn, and this was for people experiencing love pain at the end of a relationship. You are experiencing bereavement, so may I recommend my colleague Dr Steven Simpson. He's a medical doctor but he also practices the latest psychological techniques including Havering, which can help people dealing with overwhelming emotions. I hope this year will be happier for you, God bless, and Happy New Year.

plonksy

Hello Paul I would love to know about the virtual gastric band. I am stuck in a cycle of yoyo dieting. Lose it. Put it on. Depressed about starting all over again. My will power seems to have deserted me and I find it impossible to meditate or take control of whatever it is that is compelling me into this cycle. Please help

Hi Plonksy, dieting is all about will power and unfortunately, because diets work for next to nobody, many people end up putting on weight and feeling like a failure. My approach to weight loss is anti-diet. I don't tell you what to eat because I don't think there's a magic food formula, in fact I know there isn't. All your decisions about what you eat and how much you eat take place in your mind and your mind is a bit like a computer. So using modern hypnotic techniques, we can reprogram your mind so that you eat less without feeling like you're missing out. You've asked about the gastric band app - this is available as book/CD and as an app from iTunes and Google Android. I know it may seem like a gimmick but I can assure you it's not. The process is very simple. After a brief explanation about how a real gastric band works, I then hypnotise you to think that you've had the gastric band. Of course you know that you haven't had one fitted, but your unconscious mind behaves as though you have and regulates the signal that tells your body you're full, amplifying that signal so you feel full faster and leave food on your plate. I've never had so many positive reviews for product and given that the actual operation has potentially serious risks and side effects, trying that app for £4.99 is an inexpensive way of seeing if it'll work for you. I can't promise that it'll work, but my research shows that it does for most people, most of the time. I really hope it works for you.

gillybob

Hi Paul

I wonder if you could suggest anything to help me please, although I think I am probably a hopeless case and maybe a magician is what I really need????

I am 53, my husband is 63 and we have been running a small business for over 20 years (Control systems/electrical engineering) we are working harder and longer hours than ever before and have virtually nothing to show for it. We sold our previous house and downsized to keep the company afloat and sold our precious static caravan too (I cried for the caravan but not the house). We often go without wages in order to keep our employees and get through hard times and couldn't bear to make anyone redundant. Additionally I am the main carer to my 98 year old (very demanding) grandma who lives alone. My mum is severly disabled and I care for my three grandchildren 2 days a week. Sometimes I feel that my life is not my own. I have no power to do anything "I want to do". Don't get me wrong I don't begrudge my commitments, I just wish I could occasionally take control and put my foot down. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this.

I did say I was probably a hopeless case !

Hi gillybob, it sounds like you are a very caring person and you want the best for those around you, but if you're not in good shape because you're overwhelmed at times, then you're not in a position to help others the best way you can. Sometimes the best thing you can do for others is to put yourself first. If you need a little extra help, may I suggest that you go to iTunes and download my app I Can Make You Confident. This can help you become more assertive and stronger in yourself so that you can make the right decisions.

sunseeker

Do you think there are some people who just can't be hypnotised? I have tried your CD for sleeping and I have also been to a practitioner all to no avail. I am something of a control freak and as a result don't think I allow myself to be hypnotised.

I've never met anybody who can't be hypnotised but not everyone can be cured of every problem, every time. However, I understand that you've tried my sleep CD and you've also seen a practitioner - may I recommend my new I Can Make You Sleep app, which you can get from iTunes. I'm very proud of this new product, it takes all of my best tips for helping people to get to sleep and puts them on your computer or smartphone. It makes you feel very relaxed before you go to sleep and also helps if you wake in the night and need to get back to sleep. Not only that, a good night's sleep isn't just about the hours you get, its about the quality of the sleep. The app is very interactive so I'll be asking you to chart your progress over 7 days. While I cannot guarantee this will work, I think it's a potentially very inexpensive solution. Good luck and I hope you're sleeping better soon.

loopylou

Snap! phoenix that is truly creepy, echoing my situation exactly......
Very interested in this too Paul, have stopped smoking several times using your book / willpower but lapsed after months, can you give me any advice please?

It's very common to take several attempts to quit smoking, and when some people say to me that they failed to quit smoking, I ask them, 'so you didn't stop even for a few minutes?' And they reply, 'no I stopped for several months', So I say to them that if you can stop for several months, several times, you can stop for several years.

So don't beat yourself up if you start smoking again, some people can take several tries to quit smoking and it can be stressful times or difficult situations that can make them start again. If this is the case, I recommend to them the same advice that I gave Phoenix, which is to download my app: Quit Smoking Today Without Gaining Weight, which you can get from iTunes. It's much cheaper than going to see a hypnotherapist and you'll have me on tap 24-hours a day if you feel the urge to start again. Good luck, and Happy New Year!

phoenix

Paul, do you think that having 2 goals, i.e. wanting to lose weight and give up smoking, would be too much to tackle together?

I know that you have written a book "Quit Smoking Today Without Gaining Weight" but what would you advise someone who wants to quit smoking and lose a stone or two?

I'm not obese, but have gone from a size 10/12 to a 14 over the last year or so. I previously did a Slimming World plan, which was successful, the idea being that when I got to my target weight, I would then tackle the smoking, but after being made redundant it all seems to have fallen by the wayside!

I think having 2 goals is a good thing but trying to do them both at the same time might be too much, in fact if you want to tackle any big goal it's best to break it down into small steps. Giving up smoking is a good idea as, whilst it may relax you, there are long term negative health consequences. I strongly recommend hypnosis for this, in fact if you go to iTunes you'll find you can download my audio programme and this is much cheaper than hypnosis.

Indeed a recent research study showed that hypnosis is by far the best way to quit smoking, and sometimes you need to reinforce the hypnosis by listening to the trance several times over a few weeks. But if you download the audio programme you'll have me on tap 24 hours a day. I can't make you stop smoking, but I can help to make it easier and that's what this programme does. If you want to lose weight, I have 3 books, but I would highly recommend my hypnotic gastric band app - I'll hypnotise you to think that your stomach has shrunk from the size of a melon to the size of a tennis ball, so you feel full faster.

Hi Paul I have just listened to your cd from 3 things to change your destiny. I find it very difficult to visualise I feel there is a block could my tinnitus have something to do with this? I will keep preserving but if you have any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Hello Paul

I am 65. I have never had any confidence and get very anxious about the slightest thing. My upbringing was quite horrible and I have suffered quite a few traumas in later life. It would be nice, at this stage in my life, to let go of the past and be happier. Can this be done do you think?

I have used Paul's relaxation CD for a few years now, it has been very helpful. Must admit I have never heard the whole of the CD, as I have dropped of to sleep. Have nothing but praise.

How do you mend broken heart?

Hello Paul

Do you have a cure for life long insomnia? The only thing that works is sleeping pills. Have tried CBT, yoga, meditation and all the usual ridiculous things such as herbs and soothing drinks. Would hypnosis help?

I've had some hypnotherapy and I found it really useful. In the past it was about self confidence and then more recently for fear of flying which was stunningly successful.
I suppose what I wonder is, if our subconscious is there to protect us and we don't know what might be hidden away from our conscious mind, does hypnotherapy actually change these hidden things? And what is the relationship with willpower? Eg if we eat chocolate to satisfy an emotional need although we might know consciously it isn't good for us in various ways, does the emotional need go away with hypnotherapy or does it just get transferred to something else?

I do like the idea of still having a destiny in my 60s!

Dear Posie, my heart goes out to you. I'm sure 60 is not too old and that in time you'll find a way forward and some fulfilling activities. I hope Paul has some good suggestions. Enjoy your freedom.