Sex after 60 (NAME CHANGING ALLOWED)

Greatmum So sad to read your post, it must be extremely hard to live with someone and not get the love you crave. I really do feel for you.

Wobbly I didn't know that you were suffering from depression and have a tumour. You always sound so upbeat and post funny things. I send you a hug. ((hug)) I take comfort in your posts on this subject as I would like to be in a relationship, but due to health problems, would not want to be like a tigress in the bedroom. I would want kindness and care and love, not just lust. So to read that some men don't just want the sex side too gives me hope.

Greatmum that is so sad. I feel so sorry for you both.

From the age of thirty something, my husband forgot how to say I love you ! Also petting was forgotten before sex,
Whatever I tried to adjust this, never worked! I either had to lie back and accept that on rare accasions he would want sex ! But I could not cope with this...unknown time warp!
So by our 50's I called the whole thing off !! No Sex
Yes I did in detail explain why!
It took a while for my body to accept his total lack of love ! But by now I am going through change , and soon found it easier than waiting or trying to have a loving relationship!
After 60yrs of marriage it's still the same..though now I think he is losing some marbles, and insults me more often with vulgar references to his wanting sex !
Love walked out and never made any effort to return .....life is not easy!

Exactly. You do not always need sex to have a loving, caring relationship. If you can manage it fine, if not then you should not be made to feel guilty. Enjoy kissing and cuddling and show your love in other ways such as a bunch of flowers, a treat, a kind word or cooking a meal. Just have fun together I say.

DTE

My problem is depression and the meds that go with it plus a pituitary tumour that wrecks my hormone levels. We just accept what we have and enjoy being together.

I would agree WB my partner of 14 years have withstood many issues including suspicious death of my daughter and subsequent raising of my the 4yr old GD..homelessness and being moved 150 miles from our roots under protection ,depression overtook and still is part of our life to the detriment of our sex life medication has caused this to cease.....our love life however is strong on all the other elements required...we are both sad about the missing part but work harder because of it at the others

Ann, 15 years ago i would have agreed with you and could not have envisaged a relationship without sex. However age and health related issues have had their impact and we have found our relationship has blossomed regardless. I now know that there is life after sex.

BUT, how I would feel if I was in a new relationship and thought I was expected to perform, I don't know.

Good post, Ann.

Lovely post Wb.

Sex is important to women as well, it is not just a male prerogative. However when things change we have to look for other things in the relationship BUT it doesn't entirely make up for a good and healthy sex life and we should not be embarrassed or coy to admit it,

Specki, he may think that it is the right thing to do, doesn't want to rush things and spoil the moment. Do you know if he is capable of sex ?. He may not be and therefore embarrassed to put himself on the spot. Perhaps you could make it clear that you don't expect a stud, just a kiss and cuddle.

I say these things because that is the position I would be in, sex is a rare thing for me, but I do still have a loving relationship.

Please don't assume that sex is important to all men, it isn't always. love and companionship is far more important.

Wobblybits good to have the man's perspective. And Yorkshiregel - my new relationship ticks every one of your items. However, at the moment of saying goodnight, he went into the guest room and I went into mine. So Wobblys insight may be applicable here. Yes? Wobbly?

I am still trying to get over the image of ice cream with a flake. Cold shower didn't help.

I enjoy sex more now than when I was younger and had to worry about the children being in the house! I have had younger partners which I prefer. I was married for 24 years but our sex life was boring. I'm a lot less inhibited now and not having to worry about pregnancy is a bonus! This reminds me of something Ken Bruce of Radio 2 said years ago - one of his children came in while they were "doing it" and he pretended that he was inspecting the headboard for woodworm! Made me laugh!

Brilliant girls I'm liking the list, especially the chocolate ones , can include hubby or not so a win win situation, I love reading, but think he might object if I tried to combine the two .... unless !!?

Lots of things you can do with chocolate as well as eating it wobblybits ! Same with cream or ice cream which can be fun. Love the ice cream with a chocolate flake in it. :-) Chocolate mousse lasts longer though.

Yorkie, I see Chocolate is high on your list, what do you do with it ? (if the answer is boring, say nothing, let our imaginations run riot )

norose4 Yes, lets start a list:

Chocolates
Cuddles
Hugs
Kisses
Loving phrases
Flowers
Treats out
Complements
Chocolates
Holding hands
Fun
Chocolates

:-)

GertrudeGrace Your post is exactly what I mean. Some people, for one reason or another, just cannot 'do' sex. What I was trying to say is we do not need people like this lady giving us a lecture. Where there is a way to express their love to each other people will find it. It does not have to be sex, sex, morning, night and day, wherever and whenever. Flowers, kisses, cuddles and words play a part too. What happened to romance?

I am sick of sitting watching something on tv with my family and then suddenly there is an explicit sex scene with women being thrown on to beds or slammed up against a wall. Love is not like that. That is lust. If I wanted to watch that I would switch to a pornography channel.

How does she think soldiers who are disabled because of war feel? Useless because they cannot perform? Apart from that it is harder and harder for shy people to undress as they get older and feel less attractive.

I am not talking about myself here....I am happy with my life....but I do not discuss it with anyone except my husband.

Crossing out not intended. Must get the hang of this.

Mattress !!! That's defeating the object surely ?

Shouldn't it be - " Are you enjoying this as much as I am ? well I would be , but that's the gear knob"

Ruby it looks like you've set yourself a challenge, five months to go, you'd better get your glad rags on and get out there.

I'm missing out here, new car in April, getting another one soon and no one to share it with.

And it's going to be an Alhamba too, big enough to get a mattress in!

Yorkshiregel, Thank you for your post, I agree with you ,so much emphasis is put on the physical side of relationships these days, to the point of it making it seem to be more important than love , compassion &a caring, great for us all if it's still happening but get a grip girls, (no not there!) there are actually other activities out there (dare I say more than / just as enjoyable !) we could start a list ?

LOL Crafting, I won't be getting up to any gymnastics in any car.

Yorkshire my reason for posting on here was because I had a specific physical issue that had put paid to my sex life. It took me a long while to get it sorted despite many trips to the GP, I saw one young Dr who was more embarrassed than me. When I finally got to see someone who could be bothered to actually examine me it was an easy fix. I hope my post might help someone else because I couldn't find any info at all, I thought I knew what the issue was but all the Drs were diagnosing vaginal atrophy and prescribing HRT, which wasn't the problem and made no difference at all. I haven't discussed with any of my friends or family except of course DH and nor would I but this looks like an ideal place to share the knowledge because it has improved our lives immensely. Sometimes people need help and information that they can't ask for face to face, an anonymous forum like this is brilliant.