I'm scared to retire

I've had two colleagues/friends who so desperately didn't want to retire. One worked until she was nearly 70 - I could understand as her husband had died in his 50s - but decided she wasn't really able to do her job properly. Another was only 60 but was really pushed out and was devastated. However, having both taken the plunge, or been forced to, the first was fortunate enough to afford a long trip to Australia which she took almost as soon as she retired and never looked back. The second friend took a while to settle, because of the circumstances surrounding her departure, is now really enjoying her retirement. She works as a volunteer at a local hospice and has found a friend to travel with. I'm lucky that I couldn't wait to retire and am writing this whilst staying with DH in a cottage in Derbyshire waiting to go for a lovely walk, stopping for lunch in a pub. This really is the life if you are lucky enough to afford it.

Reading this thread, I was interrupted by a call about my involvement in the Liveage Festival, later I have to finish the final chapter of my trilogy of YA books, then post a blog for this week.

Outside sunshine beckons and there are tomatoes to be potted up.

Am I retired? In theory I suppose so, but it practice it doesn't feel like that. I'm not earning much if anything from my writing, but I am finally, finally living the life I always dreamed of.

I know that I am lucky because I have a great relationship with my husband, good health and children and grandchildren and we have reasonable pensions.

It did however take me at least a year to find my way into this new way of life. At first I raced around finding paid work and "meaningful" things to fill my time. Give yourself time and you too may find, like so many of us, that you simply don't miss work.

Our office was closed down and we were all made redundant 5 years ago. I hated it because it was not my choice to stop working and I missed the social interaction terribly as we all got on so well and everyone had a good sense of humour. I tried applying for other jobs to start with but got fed up being interviewed by people so much younger than me who told me I didn't have enough experience!! I have been working in the community for the last 4 years as a Volunteer with the Age UK befriending scheme, which I really enjoy. That plus grandparent duties and the occasional trip out, lunch with friends, etc is how life is now. (I still miss the job though).

Thank you so much everyone for such kind and wise words! I had no idea a forum like this existed and I'm so glad I found it. I've been struggling with this for a while but haven't found anyone I could discuss it with who understood and wouldn't be too coy with their views. I'm going to think very carefully about everything you've suggested but will probably take the slow route and see how I go. I like the idea of retirement being a blank page for me to do with as I wish. Perhaps I should try a new user name to be more positive!

I would add to all the varied and helpful comments, that I have been retired 5 years and NOW I am having a great time. However I retired at a time when there were a few difficulties in my life, thinking it would help. It didn't. It made them worse and I became ill as a result. I'd say, try and choose a time when all at home is steady and well balanced.

Take the plunge and DO IT. I finally retired this year after months and months of agonising over it. You will find your own identity after a while. I have taken up DIY and I love it. I meet up with old friends, spend time with my family and if I fancy a lie in I have one.You will settle in to your new identity in time. I worked solidly for 46 years and decided that enough was enough. My attitude to work didn't match up with what is required these days anyway. I felt that these constant KPI's and monthly progress reports just stopped me from working and were a waste of time - I didn't need a meeting to try to 'up my game' or try to put right something I had done wrong .
Now there are just not enough hours in the day. I want to do more arts and crafts, sing at care homes, turn my spare room into a nice guest room, do more sewing, meet up with more friends.
GO for it !

Although I was a 'baby boomer' lucky enough to be able to retire at 60, I had always wanted to work until 65. Unfortunately, due to work related stress, I left my job when I was 61. I was totally unprepared and went into a steep decline, mental health-wise. Now, at 65, I love my life; I volunteer at a hospice twice a week, spend hours a day walking my dog; have time to read, visit exhibitions, meet friends etc. Sometimes when I look at my finances, I think I should get a part-time job - but you know - I couldn't bear to go back to work again. My favourite time of the day is waking up in the morning and knowing that whatever I'm doing (or not doing) that day is completely MY choice - it took a couple of years to feel like this - but I love it!!

I retired end of July last year. Apart from work, I was Chairperson of quite a large local charity and was quite a big cheese in my home town, rubbing shoulders with the good and the great(and the not so great) who ran the town. Retirement, although looked forward to, was really different. DH and I moved onto our boat and sailed away into the sunset and for a couple of months I felt really lonely. My mobile which had one time never stopped ringing with people enquiring about the charity, was suddenly silent. The only person to ring me was my daughter, and that was usually to have a moan and a rant about things that gone wrong with her day. It took a good six months to accept that my life must move on, just as life within the charity that once took up a good chunk of my life had moved on.

Facebook has been a lifesaver for keeping me in touch with charity members, friends from the equine world (my horses were rehomed, both to lovely new fosterers) and I have thrown myself whole heartedly into the narrow boat community. I no longer miss my old life, I have new friends amongst the other Boaters - even though we may only bump into each other every now and again - and I really like this retirement malarkey.

DH and I rub along nicely together. We live in a 57ft tube but can have time out from each other if we need it. I can walk the dogs for miles along the tow path and he will often spend hours on the bank fishing.

Life is what you make it and you only get one shot at it. What you do with your life defines who you are. So go for it. And no looking back.

I fully retired after having worked part time for six years after being a pensioner, this was two years ago, having been a Nurse for over fifty years it has taken a LONG time to come to terms with "not being useful" any more, nodody relying on me, The social side of my job has been wonderful, I miss everyone, the Winter has been long but now the Sprnig has arrived I have a big garden to sort out, and meeting up with old friends for lunch is lovely, the best bit of retirement is not having to set the alarm, and I can get up any time I please, my day is my own.
Good luck in your retirement, you WILL get used to it even if it may take time.

I would carry on working for as long as you can, though you don't say how old you are. When you retire you have to find other things to do. If you don't like gardening, decorating etc, then you won't like it when you are retired. You have to be prepared to branch out, join things and make new friends. If you have a husband who enjoys going out, Holidays and socialising, that helps.
If you have grandchildren who lives near, they keep you busy, sometimes too busy and you have to learn to say no. My husband died six years after retirement, and that has been really difficult. I joined the WI and U3A. Also a widows group. Which gives me a social life. But I am probably now going off topic.

I retired two years ago due to an injury i was a support worker and at 63 i had already cut down on hours worked then found i had lots of free time so i decided to due some voluntary work i used the internet to find what was around and as i love animals but cannot have in my rented flat i became a volunteer at the Dogs Trust walking dogs and spending time with them i go at least once a week sometimes more and have have found it so rewarding and relaxing, i can recommend trying volentary roles to anyone wondering what they can do after retirement there is so much help wanted in all sorts of activites

I was worried about retiring - to the extent that I did a dissertation on it! Some things that came out of that were: you need to start on your hobbies before you retire; reduce your hours over time, gradually increasing the time you spend on other things; understand that hobbies can be gardening or sewing but can also be listening to children read, volunteering in a charity office, sitting on the committee of your local U3A (then you really won't have time on your hands); you need to work at it like you would work at any new job.

Having retired 8 years ago I now have a very full life - too full most of the time. There is nothing that I have to do - I choose to do it. If I have a better offer - like a holiday for instance - I can choose to do that instead. Freedom to choose - it's great.

I was the same and dreaded not working. Then Dad died and I realised you only get one life. You have one chance. Do you want it all work related? I left my job thinking, I can have about 15 years of good, solid retirement here.
That was a year ago and I have not looked back.
No more work stress or work politics. Yippee! I can be me at last; go on holiday when I please, just take off if I want to. Watch tv all day if i want.
You will find new things to do and talk about. Set yourself free and fly!

When my late sister retired she didn't know what to so I suggested working in a charity shop which she did and by so doing made new friends who introduced her to the U3A which has many different activities. Music, Gardening and visiting NT houses and gardens,sewing circle, lunch club etc.

If you feel your job defines you, I understand it's good when you feel in a form or meet someone and can say my job is teacher, or whatever else and sometimes miss your colleagues. Otherwise, retirement is great and there are so many things to do I can't fit it all I want to do. You can volunteer, do an Open University degree, join U3A, WI, Townswomens' Guild, local adult education classes. You can get fit by swimming and exercise, you can visit museums, galleries, visit other towns, other parts of the country, National Trust properties. You can lunch with friends, catch up with people you don't have time for when working, go to concerts and the theatre. If you have any time left, you can declutter and decorate at home. And see more of your grandchildren.

I retired a year ago and haven't missed work for a minute. I do obviously miss my work colleagues but still keep in touch and meet up for lunch with them every 2/3 months.

My husband also retired but I think the trick is to have some separate interests. I obviously don't know if you have friends who are also available to see during the daytime. Thankfully, I have several I can now meet up with for lunch, days out to exhibitions, galleries, matinee show performances, etc. My husband and I also try and go for a walk every day if possible and find we talk more when we are actually out and about.

If my oldest son with the grandchildren need me to go up to babysit (they live in Cheshire), I don't have to wait until a weekend is available.

I also go to a Jazzercise class a couple of mornings a week and then of course there are numerous courses at the U3A - so many things to do, not enough time.
I also don't have to do all my shopping and housework at the weekend.

So don't worry about not having enough to do - take the plunge, learn something new, enjoy yourself!!

I missed my intense highly stressful but rewarding senior teacher job for .........24 hours when I took early retirement 5 years ago. I still do a tiny bit of supply work as my pension is small but love waking up each day knowing I can do what I like. Some days I do a lot, some days I get up late , potter about, walk along the beach and be lazy.
One thing I have found important to me though is keeping a good relationship going with all of myu friends. I love my partner dearly but enjoy also some time apart meeting up with my girlfriends.
I do worry a bit about not having much of an income, as I won't get state pension for 7 years (66) and my teacher pension is very small. However, overall I am much more contented and less stressed.

I loved my work - 3 professions - Social Work, Occupational Therapy and Adult Further Education Lecturer with an MBA. However coming up for 68 I was aware that if I continued working I would get less and less time for a life of retirement with husband as originally I had expected to retire at 60 and him at 65. he actually retired at 56 and has had years gardening, going to Chelsea, doing a degree in 3 dimensional design etc.

Before retirement I started getting myself a busier life. I took up the things I had had to leave behind at O Level - like Art, French - I now travel to Morocco with my Belly Dance teacher, etc. i took a qualification in counselling in case I wanted to start up private practice. I looked for a volunteering opportunity that would use my skills Citizens Advice. I found the U3A as I want to write my memoirs. I attend family history, as I want to get a blue plaque in Manchester for my suffragette great aunt etc.

As I built up my opportunities in retirement I looked at my work colleagues and thought do I really want another year of meetings about this topic? Each day as I drove into work I thought 'Just one more year of this. Am I ready to say 'good bye?'. I became a member of the local Association of Speakers Club and used their help and advice to formulate and practice my retirement speech. Helped by my friends I gave 2 retirement parties one at County hall and one at my work base.

it is now 7 years on. I have traveled with my mother and been responsible for her 100 years celebrations. In October I am going to China for a Chinese Brush Painting Holiday with a teacher I know and some group members from my class etc. I am helping to distribute £20,000 as grants to local organisations following the closure of a local college so I have lots to do. Also my neighbours and friends come round for help. Currently I am helping a person who's son has experienced a police sting in a chat room. This has involved a lot of internet research as I do not use chat rooms. I have found safety codes, the law, etc.

The other aspect of retirement is how important it is to schedule your appointments and check your diary each day. I also make sure when I enter names in my email address book that in the display name I put the year and the occasion or the initials of committee or organisation to which they belong so that I can keep track of all the contacts I am now making.

I have changed my car for an automatic one and use the sat nav to guide me to new places as where I live I need to be able to drive for as long as possible. I also make sure I have a full blood test each year and xrays of any joints that ache etc. eye test for eyes - cataracts done. this is so that I keep on top of things and if possible nip health issues in the bud before they get worse.

Enjoy retirement it is what you make of it.

Retirement is frightening at first but soon becomes the most amazing time of your life. You have heard the old saying "I don't know how I found time for work." It is so true. The whole world is open to you, extra so if you have the means.

Travel, although you probably have done plenty of that already. A degree at your local university - if you have a degree do another one or a Masters. Student loans available for first degrees, not for Masters if over 60.

Meet new people, different people. Stand for the council. Write a book. Breed a new orchid.

I wish I could start mine over again - it's great, that's why we live so long now.

Good luck. Be brave.

I must be odd, I embraced retirement and never missed work for a moment.

I was a self employed driving instructor for 40 years and retired at sixty five, but kept up my other job as a respite foster carer. I often wonder now how I had the time to go to work and I love every minute of life now. No more clock watching for me. I live alone with my two puppies and occasional children to keep me company, absolute bliss. :-)

Most of my feelings have been said by others.

One thing that I would thoroughly recommend is that you take yourselves off for a holiday. We went to a remote Welsh cottage where time was of no essence....this was a good start to the slowing down process. Have some projects lined up that you can tackle immediately...sorting photos, DIY, reorganising files etc. Then you have time to reevaluate...there are so many voluntary roles that will fill you time. My husband has taken on a school governor role in a challenging school which is keeping him extremely busy and I have taken on a guide dog puppy.

You won't lose your identity and yes, I do miss some aspects of work ( I was a deputy head) but the benefits far outweigh that especially not feeling tired to the bone all the time.
Good luck!

Retirement is very much what you make of it.
It is complete freedom to do what interests you, learn new things, start a business, volunteer, travel. You can do as little or as much as you want.
There is a huge world out there to discover.

The sense of relief at the lack of 'having' to do things in someone's else's or an organisations timeframe is immense. The downside is definately financial and not being able to do what we would wish. It becomes wearing to do the monthly budget to find there is just so little left to spend as we wish.

The decision is yours. Understandably the uncertainty of change may be what you are finding difficult. I believe that some colleges do courses for preparation for Retirement. Maybe you could make some enquiries. Also the Human Resources / Personnel department of your workplace may have schemes, information, advice which may be of assistance to you.

You mention feeling "tired, tired, tired" :- Have you seen your GP, as there may be a Health reason for that.

You mention considering a move nearer to your Daughter and first Grandchild. A house move is a major change to consider, also it may not be a good idea to undertake too many major changes in a short time scale. It may be worth discussing these topics with your husband, GP etc.

Job title / Career had often defined people in the past ( grave stones have symbols on them signifying the person's employment ). Often when people first meet, an early question may be what do you work at? Yet we were people / individuals before we work, whilst and we are people are we have given up work.

You may find when you do retire some day that you find out, or rediscover who you are, what your interests are, what you share with your husband ( other family members, as well as friends). There are libraries, community centres etc which offer courses such as computing, photography etc. You may take up new hobbies, as you may feel that you have more time to call your own. Regular meet ups / dates with family, friends etc. Time to see your Grandchild develop, they grow up so quickly.

Whatever you decide to do :- Best Wishes! Enjoy Life!