Making me ill

Just to add another thought for your consideration......

Do not put money by to give to your DDs as an inheritance. If you have enough for your needs and spare then give it to them now. You would not want to have all your savings drained away paying for care for yourself or husband if either or both of you need it in the future.

windering wondering

I'm windering why you're still with your husband, a man who doesn't want to look for a job, is content to rely on your efforts to supplement your household income and is not a very nice person to spend time with.
Onewould also question your eagerness to save money for your children to inherit, thus you are, in essence, working to put money in their pockets at a cost to your health.
How ridiculous.

Take some time off Evie64 get some help from your doctor and take time to consider your options. Sadly the days of leaving an inheritance for the children are largely over for the average person so don't worry about that. Look at returning to work on a part time basis if this is possible. Do you really want to continue working yourself into the ground to support your lazy husband, there has to be a better life than that for you. Talk to your family and get their support..

Don't leave, at least until you know what the powers that be are planning. There may be opportunities to take redundancy and that way you can leave and get a bit of redundancy money. Sick leave can be taken while the changes go through or you can ask to be put on garden leave rather than be forced to work out your (redundancy) notice period.
In the meantime, as others have said, look at voluntary opportunities; there are so many things you could do as a volunteer. Don't be confined by assumptions that it's all about charity shops (unless that appeals to you!)

Such a sad sign of the times when people are so stressed, overworked, under appreciated and nobody cares. I was over the moon when I was given redundancy, I cried with sheer joy. My advice to you is to start being selfish and start looking after yourself, as nobody else will and unfortunately that seems to include your lazy, selfish husband. Forget about leaving money for others, this is your life and not everyone is fortunate enough to receive a large inheritance. See what happens with your work meeting, then just as others have said, go off sick with stress. I know many of our generation are averse to this, however, when employers don’t care, then why should we. Be kind to yourself ?

OP if the best reason for work is that you want to avoid being with your DH perhaps it is time to look at that. After all you will retire and then wil it be any easier to cope with him?

Maybe this is the real situation that is undermining your health?
I do agree that Academy Trusts are only there to make money.
Your problem is only really short term. You can leave or not leave.
You do not need to work to ensure money for your decendants!

Yes take care of yourself but if you are not happy with DH isn't that a bigger stress than the work situation?

My other worry is what the poor children going to that school will be facing. Not enough staff and poor teachers no doubt.

I agree with barmeyoldbat, sleepygran and some others. Hang in there kid. DO go to your GP because you are depressed & stressed. If you can get counselling do so. I've been in similar position and it helped me enormously - helps you to take stock, prioritise. Please don't be offended but your husband sounds lazy & selfish (and I used to be married to one like that - it really gets you down) he won't understand your problem and won't want to either so you must feel alone and trapped. Try not to worry about inheritances etc for offspring - it's a pressure you don't need right now. Tell hubby straight, your job is at risk, he needs to pull his weight, a holiday is out of the question right now. There are jobs out there for him but he obviously prefers to sit on his bottom and let you run yourself into the ground. Perhaps he feels the jobs available to him are beneath him? Too bad! Getting out of those four walls is important for your mental well-being I really do empathize with that however if you did have to leave your current position maybe you could do volunteer work if you received an income from another source. Or, admin in a hospital, medical/dental practice. You must be a little bit younger than I but we still have so much to offer the workforce & we're happy to go the extra mile. Oh I do wish you well, but please put yourself first, something I suspect you don't often do.

Definitely don’t leave! However it does sound as if you need some time out as others suggest. Battling on ‘until something goes very wrong’ will not help you and you will, likely, not get much / any real support from your employer. Going off sick does mean you will be at home but that might be safer than being at work and making a mistake. Better, too, if you want to get another job in the future

Really sorry to hear your story. Sadly in my experience admin staff (and teaching staff) come out of academisation very badly, especially the older ones. It's not personal x

What jumped out at me was the reason you got a job in the first place...to get away from a husband who is not nice to spend time with. You make no mention of whether this has improved. If it hasn't maybe it needs sorting otherwise your retirement will be miserable.

...and as a current union rep, could I advise all those in work to consider joining a union? It’s just this kind of issue that a union can help with. Unions can’t take on a problem that has already arisen, but issues arise in even the least troublesome jobs, and the small amount of outlay each month can provide peace of mind and support when and if members need help.

I agree with barmeyoldbat!
Do not resign.go off sick with work related stress,and jump through the hoops they put in front of you.They will be horrible to you to get you to resign but don't do that.
You may be able to take early retirement due to ill health with an enhanced pension.short term pain for long term gain.

I suspect not, but are you a member of a union.? If so, they may be able to help? Yes, do seek help from your GP, and maybe you should consider Relate ( if that is still the correct name for the relationship helpline). It's not just work that is affecting you.

And I must defend academy trusts, Luckygirl. There are bound to be some bad apples, but to damn all of them is somewhat sweeping and incorrect.

Trouble is, if your job is your sanctuary from home will you be worse off!!! At least at work you have something that occupies your mind, at home with no or very little support would you just dwell on everything and feel no better.

Please let us know how it goes. Also I have been through this myself.

As an old Union rep this is what I would advise.
You are suffering from work related stress, no doubt about that.
You need to see your GP and get signed off work for some time.
Contact your HR dept and tell them.
Also DONT LEAVE.

If they don't like you being away sick then they will have to send you for a medical assessment with Occupational Health. These people will either say not fit for work or inform your work place of the problem and changes for them to make.

If you kicked out due to ill health you might well get an enhanced pension that you can take straight away and that should help with finances.

Good luck but I would say don't let the ba....ds win.

Do you have a local hospital where you could apply for a part time admin post if you had to leave this job? I have known people getting such work locally about your age. It is true that you may feel guilty about leaving but life will still go on where you currently work regardless and you can stay in touch with colleagues. Let's hope after Thursday it doesn't come to that.
I also hope you are putting the money you earn in your own bank account so that as the only earner you are in control.
I can remember my last year at work. I hated every minute but I was surprised how fast the time went and I kept thinking of the day I would leave and never return and it kept me going, also my colleagues were very envious.

Oh dear - this is a sorry, and sadly not uncommon- situation. Work stress is awful - I was a SW and had to give up eventually as I was being driven into the ground.

I am afraid that "academy trusts" - what a nonsense they are - are notoriously inhuman in their dealings with staff; as and you rightly say, are concerned with only two things: saving money and getting through OfSteds.

I wholeheartedly agree that taking some time off is essential, because, whatever the academy trust might think - you do matter.

But I can see that taking time off to be with an OH who is poor company might be a mixed blessing; as might retirement when the time comes. Is there a way of tackling this problem? Counselling? - if he will consider it maybe? When this goal of retiring comes around you have this problem to face, and it might be worth getting stuck into that now so that retirement really will become something to look forward to.

I am so sorry that life feels so grim for you at the moment.

Evie64, on the face of it your admin staffing level is way too low for the size of the school, especially considering all the upheaval that always follows conversion.

Your focus has to be your own health, so don’t for goodness’ sake feel guilty if you get to the stage of needing time away from work. You aren’t in any way responsible for this situation and I’ve seen people absolutely broken by struggling on too long because they didn’t want to let others (in a school specifically the children) down.

As a WASPI I really do understand how scary it is to see the savings you thought you’d have for your retirement dwindling away, but it may be that you simply have to fall back on them if you do have to leave and can’t find another job. Your health must come first. I’m so sorry though that you don’t feel you would be happy at home with your DH. Perhaps if you do have to bite the bullet and retire early, you can find volunteering or other activities to occupy your time?

I hope you’ll let us know how the meeting goes tomorrow.

It looks as though your email might have had an affect so yes see what is said on Thursday and if you are given a chance to speak have something ready. You do need some time to think about things so a week off might help. With one year or so to go I would try and hang in there if you possibly can. Things don't sound very good with your OH but one thing at a time.

I feel sad that you have to work to get away from your husband. Is there any hope that this situation may improve?

Conditions and expectations in the workplace are absolutely awful.

Sorry no advice - except don't put leaving money for your family into the equation - but I hope it all gets sorted out for you, and soon.
Best wishes Danni x

The trouble is when you take time off a seriously depleted work force the whole thing collapses, leaving those there at breaking point too. It appears you only have one year before
you get your state pension and can leave having let no one down. Do you get the school holidays off? I would have to keep going for one year. If you don't get school holidays off, this long one through the summer, take all your holiday entitlement and just a week off.

What leapt out at me were the reasons you went out to work after your retirement

Husband refuses to try and find any work

so that we have something left of our savings for our old age or to leave to our girls

husband isn't the nicest person to spend time with

Well first I would forget worrying about leaving something for your children and grandchildren - you can't make yourself ill by working in a stressful job to provide for younger family members when you're gone.

Your husband sounds like hard work - I feel very sorry for you.

I hope something comes from the forthcoming meeting and in the meantime I would certainly be off to the doctors before you crack.