Can’t decide whether to resign

I would take the sick leave, otherwise, as you usually enjoy your job, you’ll be resigning under duress. If you’d broken your leg you’d be off sick, your mental health is equally important. If your assistant is stressed, they need to address that for themselves, irrespective of what you do. As others have said, your management/HR will have to sort out cover, their responsibility, not yours. Take time to heal and see how you feel when you’ve had some of that time. ‘Act in haste repent at leisure’ can be very true, look after you, best of luck.

LibbyR.. I work in nhs and like you I work to my own very high standards. But one thing I have learned over the past 20 years is that three weeks after you walk out the door no-one remembers you. I say this not to diminish your role, your commitment or your contribution, but that there will always be someone to fill the gap when staff leave. YOUR priority must be YOU. Your health is the single most important issue here. Contact your line manager, tell them how you feel, your gp’s advice and that you are taking that advice. There is no point working for 30 years and not seeing your pension! Take care of you.... the rest will follow....

I think I would take time off sick as you have support from your GP. Speak to your line manager and HR. It may be that when you return you could ask to 'side step' to a different department maybe or that some of the difficult staff be moved to another job role? It must be awful to be under this amount of pressure. I know many years ago I had time off for stress as I was being bullied by a Senior Manager. When I returned I got awarded a disciplinary for being off sick! I am no longer with that Company and that man moved on, tried to bully at the new Company he went to and was dismissed. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

My husband battled on like you....
PLEASE ...
Take the sick leave for as long as needed and recover. It will buy time to put your work on perspective and help you see things more clearly.

PS, do it quickly as your Assistant is likely to go off sick first, now that she knows you are unwell and then you will feel totally unable to cope.

Don’t resign, take your GPS advice, then when you return see how you feel about the job.
Use your sick leave to recover and don’t worry about what happens at work when you are away.
Don’t confide in your Assistant, go direct to your department Manager.

The first thing I’d do in your situation would be to discuss how you’re feeling with your own manager, as if the team is the problem he/she may be able to offer some practical suggestions -eg team building, moving particularly troublesome people, or disciplinary processes if there is proof that your authority is being undermined, or they aren’t performing.

You need to tackle the issue of your deputy not being accepted as such, is it the team, or is it her not being able to manage them that’s the issue? It is her responsibility to deputise for you, so that also needs to be tackled with HR support. If there’s an excessive workload issue you can discuss that at the same time to see if additional support can be drafted in, or another manager be allocated to support her whilst you’re off.

I’d think very hard before resigning, because at 55 it’s a long time until you get your pension, and living on an occupational pension only is a struggle. You could apply for other jobs either in the same organisation or outside though, and just leave if it’s that bad.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

There are times when you must put yourself first. I understand that you are afraid of the chaos that might ensue and you would be faced with on your return. However, that should not be your priority just now.

Do what is right for you. Have you contacted your Occupational Health nurses? It might be helpful to speak to them first.

Under such circumstances---resign ! I can assure you that you won't miss it. I too worked in the same environment so know.

Really, your assistant cannot blackmail you like that. I would kindly say to her that you absolutely need this time off, and that if she finds that your absence puts her in a difficult position, then she must either seek help for herself, or raise the issue with the next manager up.
You write rather circumspectly about this team (possibly to prevent identification) so I am unsure where it sits within the NHS or private sector providers. That only matters in terms of who to raise these issues with. I shall use the term 'your manager' to mean the person you are responsible to.

Your team sounds dysfunctional. Time away will help you put this in perspective. It may be that you are not functioning well and this time will help you. It may be that the team is is doing badly (your current assessment) in which case some help from either your manager, or possibly an occupational psychologist may help. You will be in a much better position to assess and help once you have taken care of your own health.

I write as a NHS survivor!

Maybe your personal life is the root cause and it’s affecting your working life. If you take time off it will enable you to deal with your problems. You have devoted a lot of time to your working life it’s time you considered what is best for you.

LibbyR, your own health is the most important consideration. Take the time off, then decide whether to go back.

I battled on too and was devoted to my work and the welfare of colleagues and students. When I retired it was such a relief and I can honestly say that I've never missed it.

Looking back, I did my bit (and far more) but at least I had the sense to know when to stop!

Take the time off. Your assistant doesn’t have to step up to your role. She can continue with her own job and management will have to get someone in to cover you.

Your doctor sounds very sensible and this is her professional advice. ?