Can’t decide whether to resign

I'm pleased you have made a decision and wish you the best of luck for the future. You sound a great employee who cares and it is their loss. X

It's good that you have made your decision, and I am sure you will feel much better for doing so. Look forward to your retirement with much joy - plan for a few months total rest and relaxation. The idea of retiring is usually so much harder than the actuality of it.

LibbyR I've just read your update and am pleased that you now feel much more relaxed, having decided to resign. As you say, if you miss working you can always look for something else at your leisure and in a more confident frame of mind rather than try and fit in interviews round your current stressful job.

oh good....seriously I read this "I feel that my job is my identity" and saw a HUGE red flag

My husband recently resigned from his job too LibbyR and the difference in his mental health after just one month is astounding. He's set up his own business, which comes with completely different stresses, but now he's in control and it seems to me as if he's a different person; much more relaxed and so much happier.

Presumably you have a line manager. Can you not raise these issues with him/her - as your assistant is also experiencing difficulties, perhaps you could both talk to the manager? Concentrate on issues that are making your role difficult but it's probably better not to identify specific obstructive members of staff.

After 30 years of service, I don't think you should resign. Get signed off by your doctor and hopefully the break - along with some support from management to deal with the difficulties you are encountering - will enable you to continue.

If, after your break, you feel the job is still just too stressful, start looking for something else or, if you can afford it, just leave.

I am glad you are retiring from what you say your job has taken over your life and made you ill. I hope you enjoy your freedom goodluck?

Am in a similar situation Libby R...I've a line manager who has belittled my work product which is untrue as had to learn new IT system while at home on lockdown and had no real support when requested..this has triggered my anxiety into panic mode and now signed off with depression...turned 65 yesterday and have my weekly GP review on phone. later..feel bullied at work but this has been ongoing for months and management have failed to address this...you shouldn't feel you have to resign but i fully understand and empathise .. you need to do what YOU feel is the best for you..i have to stay another year as my pension pot was only started few years ago as have had multiple health probs and reduced my work hours to 21...hope you're ALL having a better day!

If I were you I would do as your Dr. suggests and go off sick. When you have your sickness certificate I would tell the doctors you are now on sick leave and say that you are concerned because unfortunately your assistant is not up to standing in for you. They might want to advertise for a temporary manager but that's really up to them because what happens in your absence should not be be your concern. You need to concentrate on getting better. If after a period of leave you decide to return and you don't like it you could apply elsewhere or take retirement.

I just thought I’d update you - after a long hard period of deliberation I decided that retirement was my best option. I feel sad that I’ve given up and a bit let down by the partners however as someone said, none of us are indispensable. I have given a very long notice period and will be training up my replacement so can leave with a clear conscience. Roll on September! I will have the rest of the year off and if I decide retirement isn’t for me I will get a part time job or sign up with an agency so I can pick and choose when I work. I feel so much better for having made a decision and I really appreciated the different points of view from everyone who took the time to read my post and to comment, thank you all. From September I’m sure I’ll be contributing more to the forum. At the moment I read and run most of the time as I’m so pushed for time.

Think of yourself, take time out, as your GP has advised, I wouldn’t resign, but you are saying you are battling on but you are feeling resentful and battered, listen to your body

Take time off reevaluate and don’t give in to your assistant. That’s blackmail. You’ve said yourself your job is who you are don’t give it up until you have thought things out. A little time away and then you’ll know exactly what you want to do. Sending you virtual hugs.

Take the time off! Take it soon! The Doctors will manage. It's not for you to Nanny them. Take the time before your assistant does & muddies the water. It's not your problem what issues she has with staff. Like someone up list has said, if you resign after 3 weeks nobody will remember you! No-one is indespensible. You need the rest & head space. Life's too short.

Sorry to say this LibbyR but nobody is indispensable, take your sick leave as advised by your Dr. It is down to your managers to support your assistant or put in a temporary replacement. You should not resign, you have already put in a lot of service and should not lose the benefits of this. Hope things get better for you soon.

As I said LibbyR if you’d broken your leg/had an operation they would have to cope, it’s no different.

At 55, you've a lot of work-life left, and yet we know that finding a new job for over-50 women is a tough ask. Sorry to sound negative, I'm just trying to see all the issues.
Talk to your line-manager, say your GP wants to sign you off and your no 2 us not up to covering you etc

Take the time off. I was you. I kept going and ended up having a breakdown at work, lost my temper spectacularly, and because it suited what the management wanted politically they used it to sack me. 25 years of exemplary service counted for nothing. It was a healthcare environment too. It was the worst time of my life. I got compensation via ACAS but the months of battling was horrendous. The positive here is that like you work defined me and I thought I’d never cope without it. Do you know within a month I forgot about it. It’s like it was another life. I have a colleague who retired due to health reasons. She was a total workaholic but again, within a month, she’d forgotten work existed. There’s a big world out there! Good luck and don’t make my mistake. Do whatever you need to on your terms. No one will care unfortunately. ?❤️

Please take the sick leave. You’ll do yourself further harm if you try to struggle on. This time will give you a breathing space and the opportunity to assess just what you need to do. Don’t resign just yet, your mind is not clear enough and you may come to regret a decision taken when you are not fully well. As others say, you need to consider your pension, too.
Your colleague is not your responsibility in this instance. If she is feeling stressed, she needs to see her own GP and take it from there. Your practice will cope whilst you are off, so don’t let that worry you. Battling on is not helping your well being. Take care.

The assistant being honest with you is good otherwise if you found out after you would have a new added dilemma to face . Do what you obviously need to do, take sick leave and give yourself time to think about your next step.

Oh LibbyR, your situation is difficult BUT not impossible. Firstly, do take the time off (this may make the practice re-assess what needs to be done)
Secondly, there is help available. I have known a GP practice get in outside help to assess their practice and how it works. It may be available through your local practice networks (although I confess to being out of date). But it can definitely be bought in from occupational psychologists.
I would give yourself some time off sick, then when you are discussing the terms on which you are to return to work, ask them to consider it.
I would add that anyone who has done this sort of work is absolutely sought after in other roles.
I would normally advise against making any major decisions whilst feeling as stressed as you are - but if you have the resources to manage for a few months, I wonder whether you could simply hand in your resignation. I suspect they will then ask if they can persuade you to stay, and you will be well set to request an outside assessment of workplace practices.
I would add that I have known quite a few GP practice managers and it is a very stressful and awkward role.

I can understand where you are coming from Libby. There is some good advice offered already.
Like you I worked for 30 years in the public sector. During those years it varied between being lovely and toxic.
You certainly must do what's best for you. I'm pretty sure your assistant would. They will just have to get on with it.
I totally understand how your job defines you.
What are the financial implications of you leaving? Can you afford to live without the income? We are of a similar age. There may be almost a decade until you can retire, the situation may change but if not that's a long time to be miserable. Of course there are implications for your pension etc.
If finances not an issue you could possibly find another career/ job that gives you joy.
I cared for my father for a few years. After that I didnt want the pressures of my formal role so took up a position in the private sector. I know they are not all bad but certainly in terms of how things are done, working terms and conditions, and indeed how you are valued as a staff member can be a a real eye opener.! This became all too apparent during the pandemic. Fortunately I'm now firmly back in public sector and I feel as though I am seen as an individual worthy of consideration rather than someone paid to do a job and disposable.
You must protect your mental health. You must also protect your future. It may be a good idea to take that sick leave and give yourself to recover and consider your options. If you leave what will you do? The job market is incredibly difficult at the moment. If money not an issue there are many wonderful voluntary opportunities which could give new meaning to life.
If you cant afford to leave outright could you go part time? If not a few weeks off could give you the opportunity to research your options in current job market. I hope it all works out.

I can see why you feel responsible Libby particularly at this time -and why you feel knackered too!

However, when you took two weeks holiday, as I’m sure you have done in the past, the practice kept on running. Take just for two weeks sick leave and see how you feel then. Let the partners know that your assistant feels unable to step up.

You are the Practice Manager but there should be a Head of Practice above you. Usually the lead GP. Ensuring there is a replacement manager is their responsibility.

As for your assistant, if you resign presumably she wouldn’t step up then, so it doesn’t make any difference to her whether you are not there because you are poorly or not there because you have resigned.

Resigning is so irrevocable when perhaps all you need is a break.

Thank you, I maybe should be clearer about my role. I managed a GP practice so the buck stops with me. There is no line manager, occupational health department etc. I’m answerable to the GP partners who have absolutely no idea how to run a business or manage staff as that’s what they pay me to do. In fact if they ever get involved in HR issues they usually make it worse.

Oh don't hesitate to get your GP to sign you off! And absolutely do not resign as you need to preserve your pension rights. I expect you will be okay and are just going through a hard time. If it came to it though you would potentially be retired on ill health grounds and your pension would kick in. I don't expect you want to hear that but living on sick benefits would not be right or much fun! You also have to factor in you have quite a lot of years before your state pension will kick in. As for your assistant well just put that to the back of your mind. She may feel that way but ought not to have voiced it in my opinion. I am single and received a full I'll health retirement from Social Services. I am grateful for it but I retired in 2014 at the age of 56. It has been very hard surviving with a lot less money. I still have 2 years to go before state pension kicks in. Please just look after yourself and hopefully you will get back to work.

If you have the chance to take sick leave and reflect on your situation without the day to day hassle then please do it. Your mental health is very important and great that you have a supportive GP. I agree about going straight to your manager and not discussing it further with your assistant who sounds as if she is putting her interests first anyway!

There is no shame in sick leave for reasons such as this. Just play by the rules and keep the contact needed whilst off as there will be set procedures to follow. And look for a sidestep job with a new team if you can! Your current one sounds toxic!