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Love the job…hate the Manager..

(22 Posts)
CuppaTeaPlease Sun 12-Dec-21 21:22:11

Just that really. I’m currently working from home and thought it would get me out of the claws of the Manager…but NO, she’s rude and awkward and ignores me in team meetings.

I’m fed up feeling so sidelined but can’t afford to leave.

Any words of wisdom to help me get through this please. I’m dreading tomorrow. We have a team meeting on zoom and she will be there!

Zoejory Sun 12-Dec-21 21:26:35

Does this manager have a manager herself?

I was working in the CS and an horrendous manager appeared. We all loathed her. A very happy productive team ended up talking about resigning.

In the end we went above her and things were sorted out. But you do have my sympathy.

Good luck

CuppaTeaPlease Sun 12-Dec-21 21:30:28

She does have a Manager but sucks up to her and I do worry what she says about our small team. I would not trust her as far as I could throw her.

Other people don’t like her either but I do feel a little bullied when on the same meeting as her.

GagaJo Sun 12-Dec-21 21:41:22

I've been there so many times. I think the best you can do is try to do your job well at all times. Not sure WHY some managers have to make the lives of others so miserable.

taurusmmuk Sun 12-Dec-21 21:45:48

I sympathise with your plight, I have been in this situation on several occasions and although I am retired now it still rankles that manager’s have this power to blight your life because they are dysfunctional human beings.

I was helped once by two colleagues who made me realise that I was allowing the manager to make me feel bad and they said, try to imagine them sitting on a toilet but on no account smile at the image during the Zoom call.

Hugs and best wishes. 💆🏿‍♀️🌷

Elspeth45 Mon 13-Dec-21 04:24:04

I was taught to imagine them sitting naked on a potty in the corner! It works well. Good luck, been there

nanna8 Mon 13-Dec-21 06:20:15

That's hard to take, cuppa- especially when you have done nothing to deserve it. She is probably jealous of something, either that or she has a lot of personal problems. Either try to ignore it, confront her and ask what the issue is or ask your friends and see if they know what's bugging her.

notgran Mon 13-Dec-21 07:07:20

If you feel you are being bullied start to write a diary of what she does and when and how it makes you feel. Then speak to her Manager. Use words like "being bullied" "frightened to approach her" etc. Say you enjoy working for the company and enjoy the work and want to resolve it. If you are told nobody else has a problem then say you can't comment on what anybody else's issues are but maybe you are being singled out for some reason known to the Bully. Before doing anything though research on the internet about workplace bullying and how to resolve it. ACAS have useful advice. I'm thinking you aren't in a union as they are brilliant at sorting these sort of issues. Best of luck.

Jillyjosie Mon 13-Dec-21 09:17:37

Excellent advice notgran , I suffered in my working life more than once. Why do some people persist in making other's lives miserable, they must be very miserable inside themselves. flowers

Hetty58 Mon 13-Dec-21 09:26:50

I was encouraged to be manager/team leader - and nagged endlessly to apply for the job, being well qualified - but I just wanted to concentrate on my teaching. I didn't want to deal with people or the extra responsibility.

The woman who got the job was rude, loud (shouty, in fact) clueless and incompetent, a daily PITA, hated by all - and I only had myself to blame. I coped by smiling/laughing/giggling at every available opportunity - yet still (having the hide of an elephant) she really liked me and appreciated my cheerfulness!

Luckygirl3 Mon 13-Dec-21 09:34:39

It is so hard and you have all my sympathy. I had a simply useless manager who was a total waste of space - so thick I don't think he even knew what I was talking about. I had to sit through supervision sessions with him when he just nodded and grunted because he did not understand it. I went over his head and the next in line did not bat an eyelid - he clearly knew this guy was useless. He agreed to supervise me in -lace of the hopeless guy.

I too was in a situation where I should have been climbing the greasy social work hierarchy but chose not to. They would not have employed me in a managerial role anyway - they wanted people who would act as financial gatekeepers rather than people who actually cared. I did not fit that bill. I stayed in the ranks and was a thorn in their side speaking up for those who had no voice.

They were probably glad to see me go; as was I!

Coastpath Mon 13-Dec-21 09:35:46

The horrible thing about people like her is they are nice to everyone above them so they know how to be pleasant but chose not to do so to the people for whom they are responsible. How much effort must all that manipulative behaviour take? Or perhaps it just comes easily to some.

I've been in this position a couple of times and ended up leaving as life was just too short to be made to feel less than myself by a bully. My only regret was not packing it in sooner.

Do you have an HR team you could speak to about this? They might be able to help.

Purplepixie Mon 13-Dec-21 09:37:39

Can you go above her and report her. Bullies have to be stopped. I worked for someone ages ago who just plain hated the sight of me. She would ridicule me at every opportunity until I was a jibbering wreck. Well, I would have reported her but the boss above her was her husband. Not and ideal situation so I left.

eazybee Mon 13-Dec-21 10:48:45

You describe the manager as rude, awkward and sidelining you. I think the key lies in 'awkward'; it sounds as though she has not learned how to manage staff, and working via zoom exacerbates the problem.
Prepare as well as you possibly can for the meeting and make a point of raising issues and contributing to discussion. If she ignores you or cuts you off, or dismisses your point of view contemptuously, there is your evidence.
Note any incidents you consider to be bullying, but don't keep a daily diary or it will become an obsession.
Work as well as you can, observe but say little to give her cause for complaint, and do not let her intimidate you while you decide what you want to do.

Kamiso Mon 13-Dec-21 15:42:44

I had two occasions when senior people tried to bully me. I told the office gossip that I was keeping notes and would be taking the matter forward. The gossip did as expected and the bullying stopped. The bullies must have been aware and it’s hard to understand why people behave like this for no apparent reason.

DiscoDancer1975 Mon 13-Dec-21 15:45:15


I've been there so many times. I think the best you can do is try to do your job well at all times. Not sure WHY some managers have to make the lives of others so miserable.

Because they’re miserable. Take solace in that CuppaTeaPlease

Visgir1 Mon 13-Dec-21 15:59:53

Promoted to a level of incompetency?

BBbevan Mon 13-Dec-21 19:34:14

That is called ‘The Peter Principle’ a very well researched phenomenon.

CanadianGran Mon 13-Dec-21 19:46:05

Like others have said, document every incident so you have something to write up when you feel ready. It is not enough to say that someone makes you feel a certain way, since feelings can be subjective.

Document every rude interaction (I was cut off 3 time while trying to promote my idea), any incident of raised voice., or sometimes important lack of communication. I had one manager that would not let us know when meetings were happening, so people would show up late, etc.

When you feel you have enough information, then bring it up to a higher level. Try not to allow your emotions to show, just the facts. Good luck.

Ladyleftfieldlover Mon 13-Dec-21 20:05:06

My daughter had someone in her team who was just appalling. She was always late for work and left early. She also said unpleasant things to the other. It got to the point where my daughter and a couple of others reported her behaviour. Apparently the boss knew how awful she was and had actually spoken to her. But, she threatened to take him to be a tribunal. She is black and said everyone is being racist. Their solution in the end was to move her to different parts of the organisation where she sits in her office and does little work.

Katie59 Mon 13-Dec-21 20:07:00

Probably the health service is one of the worst, those above you do their very best to belittle those below them and pass their own mistakes down.

GagaJo Mon 13-Dec-21 22:01:02

Teaching is pretty bad. A real culture of bullying for teachers who are deemed not acceptable (depends on the culture of the school, who is 'in' and who is 'out').

Age, subject, popularity. Rarely linked to how hard the teacher works.

A good manager is like hens teeth, and if you get one, appreciate them and let them know it! I've had 9 Heads of Department. 5 have been terrible, 1 was lovely but no good at her job, the other 3 have been great. Out of the terrible ones, 4 were bullies. Real discrimination, deliberate attempts to isolate and push me out.

It's been hard, but given that I'm a bit of a loner at the best of times, I've got avoiding a difficult boss down to a fine art. The best thing I can say about them is that mostly, others know they are bullies.