Sexual harassment by men to women

Iam64

Exactly MerylStreep.

In relationships. Lack of joy or something like that.

I seem to have missed the other thread.

Exactly MerylStreep.

We now have two threads by the OP. Sex is the common denominator in both 🤔

This seems very odd to me. You work in an environment where everyone hugs ‘because it’s very emotional’. Previously you worked with women who were always grabbing your bum or boobs. Really???

OnwardandUpward
Have you told your husband about this?

My husband employs men, mostly for physical strength. I'm in and out of his shed, garages, and offices all the time. I never feel unsafe, nobody touches me - however, if anything untoward did happen to me anyone at fault would be let go because I'd scream, tell, and generally make misery --

It seems you've not chosen to fight back. Why?

Perfectly simple.
Say in a loud voice: "please remove your hand now from my bottom/breast." Not only stops the perpetrator but also those who consider doing likewise.
But then of course, the harassment would stop, which would leave Onward &Upward with nothing to think about.

anyone see the rolf harris programme last night ?
it was worse than i'd thought.
the blind lady.
and in last week's, on austalian tv, crying about his parents, and then coming off stage and immediately grabbing, groping, sexually assaulting the female producer, under the guise of saying he needed a hug.
the whole thing, the singing when interviewed by police, trying to perform in the court, the so plausible public persona, whereas the reality is sickening.

no one, anywhere, should put up with anything.
complain, object, scream, shout, repel if possible, tell, tell, tell. tell everyone.
who cares why they do it.
they do it because they can.

OnwardandUpward

Everyone hugs in my job, it's emotional.

I feel blamed and judged by these assumptions and people jumping to conclusions and no I have not discussed my shamefully lacking marriage with my colleagues, the shame!!!

I think the manager might know actually but I am trying to move on without discussing my feelings at work. Im a pretty remote and private person there.

You may well read my comments as judging and blaming you.
I can only judge or blame on what you have posted.
I’m not one to assume that you’re automatically in the right.
In the above post you state categorically that you haven’t discussed your marriage with anyone
If you haven’t discussed your marriage with anyone how would anyone know 🤷‍♀️

OnwardandUpward - you describe sexual harassment in two different workplaces, in one of which you say ‘women were terrible, always grabbing my bum or boobs’ .
In your post at 08.12 today you describe continuing inappropriate sexual touching.
What kind of work environment is this?

your workplace sounds odd, not an atmosphere i'd like.
first i imagined something theatrical, ut now i'm thinking more like a prison setting.
either way, you seem resigned to casual sexual harassment there, which i don't understand.
worrying about getting men into trouble ??
and as to why exactly they do it ??
perhaps you need support IRL, are you in a trade union, you seem a bit muddled at the moment.
is here any workplace counselling available ?
or elsewhere.
you don't have to put up with this.

I'm not surprised that the women were worse. As I said, in my last job the women were terrible, always grabbing my bum or boobs. It was a female dominated job. Even if the men in my current job are a bit inappropriate, they are still way more restrained than those women were towards me. Even if it's done in a jokey way, it's still unwelcome and uncomfortable.

I think on the whole men are being careful and terrified of accusations. The one I mentioned who touched my bum, surprised me because I'd had to make a complaint about his friend. Just saying, I didn't want to get him into trouble but that he crossed a line touching my body and if it was only a hug I'd not have said anything. He agreed. But later touched my bum. What ? At this rate we won't have any men left!

In terms of statistics the current figures for violent sexual assault are 97% Male.

I worked in a large photo lab for a short while when I was training and I was shocked at the way the WOMEN treated the men...young men just out of school.One in particular was targetted and would blush and be close to tears almost daily .

I know some of the men behaved in a similar manner lifting up short skirts and being handsy but in this case the women were worse than the men .Have you ever seen a group of women out on a hen night? Iwas very quiet at that age so would never have questioned it ,but there were women who had sons a similar age to these late teen boys/men and they thought it was funny!

I dont say my manager knows about my marriage ( how could she?) I mean she knows about the "offender". We are on constant CCTV so I didn't have to say.

Also, I've had MUCH more blatant sexual harassment in a previous job by women. So I don't even mean this as an attack on men more just me trying to sort my head.

Iam64

Of course men can control their sexual behaviour.
There are acceptable hugs and totally unacceptable hugs/touches. It isn’t very complicated. We set our personal boundaries. If a man oversteps, we make it clear we don’t welcome it and will complain loudly
Sexual harassment is never ok

Indeed.

Who decided men have less control over their sexual behaviour than women anyway? Men are not wild dogs, nor are women!

Weird. I have no idea why everyone hugs in your job. Perhaps you should consider changing it.

Why do you think your manager might know about your marriage - how could they if you haven’t talked about it?

Of course men can control their sexual behaviour.
There are acceptable hugs and totally unacceptable hugs/touches. It isn’t very complicated. We set our personal boundaries. If a man oversteps, we make it clear we don’t welcome it and will complain loudly
Sexual harassment is never ok

I'd run - not I run.

OnwardandUpward

In my past and present working life I've been harassed a fair bit and realised I want to understand WHY to move on. Its not currently happening, but I wanted to ask what GN thinks:

What makes a man sexually harass a woman?
Is it he desires her but feels the only female contact he can have is if he takes it?
Or he hates women and longs to punish?
Or does he hate himself and think women hate him?
Or he's overcome with uncontrolled passion? Or what???

Is there some kind of way to know someone is a predator before they strike?

I've no idea.

I run away. I'm not one to stay in a bad situation, no matter the reasons. Explain why fleeing sexual harassment is not an option?

I experienced sexual harassment by both males and a female when I was younger. First time working in an office with an older female who had difficulty accepting that I wasn't remotely interested in a woman making passes at me.
A few years later working mainly with men who assumed a female was supposed to be flattered by their attention. Older men were worse and because they had supervisory positions could become rather nasty if told to back off.

Everyone hugs in my job, it's emotional.

I feel blamed and judged by these assumptions and people jumping to conclusions and no I have not discussed my shamefully lacking marriage with my colleagues, the shame!!!

I think the manager might know actually but I am trying to move on without discussing my feelings at work. Im a pretty remote and private person there.

why would there be any hugging colleagues ?
personally, i think you should report the indecent assault to the manager.

OnwardandUpward

Oh yes, maybe lack of self awareness is a good one. Do we really think there are men who think its welcome or ok to touch a woman without permission or encouragement? Mind you, perhaps a smile is considered "encouragement!"

It doesn't bother me massively, but a colleague the other day - I said I wouldn't want more than a hug, then he touched my bum. I havent said anything as hes away now but its playing on my mind how he could go from a hug to a touch on the bum??

So out of the blue you said i wouldn’t want more than a hug
There must have been some sort of flirting going on before that statement 🤷‍♀️
Do your work colleagues know about your marriage problems.
It sounds as if they do and he’s made a move. And in your own words it doesn’t bother me massively
If it doesn’t bother you too much why are you asking for help.