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Work/volunteering

Colleagues affair

(123 Posts)
orchid25 Wed 17-Apr-24 09:25:34

Hi, my two coworkers are having an extra marital affair. I get on better with the lady than the man. This month, the signs between them both were very obvious. He works in another department. I do not care what they do off site, but the pair are constantly texting each other. My female colleague has a pair of sunglasses (which were the exact distinctive pair he was wearing on a company facebook page). She also asks our boss for breaks 'into town'. Last night he stayed longer than his hours (he leaves at 4, and left just after 5). She wears denim and leather jackets to work and he also kits himself out. He doesn't respond to my business calls as his office is locked with a code pad. Yesterday he was sitting in there ignoring the fact that I was dealing with four clients (two of which were looking for him). Another male coworker confronted him saying 'why are you standing like that?' as he had his arm guarding the door. He comes out of his office looking at his phone - while she's texting. She is constantly scrolling and texting at work on the desk, and I saw him checking her out. She talks about her husband, and whilst it is not my business, our conversation about him was very fake. I find him disrespectful on a personal level as he never starts conversation, frequently turns his back or avoids eye contact. I am a deputy manager at a firm but I don't want to tell my boss what I suspect. She knew I was upset (I've also got family issues including my mother-in-law who's dying of cancer in scotland, my mother who's got bladder cancer, a husband with painful gout, and a father-in-law and have also recovered from pneumonia. Yet she is trying to get my feelings out of me. I temp so I am in a vulnerable position. Any advice would be grateful.

Callistemon21 Wed 17-Apr-24 22:48:51

a husband with painful gout
any advice would be grateful

The GP could give him tablets or even a cortisone injection in his big toe joint.
Works a treat!! 🙂

LucyAnna Wed 17-Apr-24 22:45:34

RosiesMaw

The pattern we have seen so often?
Story
Elaboration
A few inconsistencies
Refusal to accept the opinions of others
Indignation
Aggression (attack being the best form of defence)
Insults
Here we go again hmm

This

Callistemon21 Wed 17-Apr-24 22:16:13

I temp so I am in a vulnerable position. Any advice would be grateful
I am a deputy manager at a firm but I don't want to tell my boss what I suspect.
No, he's not your boss if you're a temp. You're your own boss.
Ask agency for another job.

pascal30 Wed 17-Apr-24 22:00:38

RosiesMaw

The pattern we have seen so often?
Story
Elaboration
A few inconsistencies
Refusal to accept the opinions of others
Indignation
Aggression (attack being the best form of defence)
Insults
Here we go again hmm

quite...

RosiesMaw Wed 17-Apr-24 21:52:15

The pattern we have seen so often?
Story
Elaboration
A few inconsistencies
Refusal to accept the opinions of others
Indignation
Aggression (attack being the best form of defence)
Insults
Here we go again hmm

LucyAnna Wed 17-Apr-24 21:52:12

orchid25

For someone who reported me for being 'unpleasant' and 'unnecessary' you are showing yourself up to be a right old cow

Charming!

Tenko Wed 17-Apr-24 21:50:23

Two things
The affair is none of your business.
If you’re unhappy at work , leave , as a temp its easy to move on.

orchid25 Wed 17-Apr-24 21:38:10

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Esmay Wed 17-Apr-24 20:21:45

As you are a temp and this is causing you stress on top of your family problems - ask for another job .
Wishing you lots of luck .

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 17-Apr-24 20:16:46

A librarian who doesn’t know the difference between bear and bare?

RosiesMaw Wed 17-Apr-24 20:13:21

AreWeThereYet

^I really wouldn't bare anything, if I were you! 😯^

🤣🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣
I thought that was the problem!

Dinahmo Wed 17-Apr-24 17:40:23

If you are having to deal with contractors who want to get hold of him, why not keep a note of their details, send him an email at the end of the day, telling him who's been in touch and send a cc to the manager/director - who ever's in charge.

orchid25 Wed 17-Apr-24 17:32:14

I have decided to focus on MY job, and let others 'get on with it'.
Petra - if my posts are rubbish feel free to NOT read my rubbish posts! Came here for advice, that's all! Despite my thoughts, I want to work in peace and to pick up my pay cheque. Thanks to all for your comments.

AreWeThereYet Wed 17-Apr-24 17:16:00

I really wouldn't bare anything, if I were you! 😯

🤣🤣

Callistemon21 Wed 17-Apr-24 17:13:46

orchid25

The dilemma I have is should I grin and bare it? I am not going to talk about my suspicions. I realise that I have to be smart about this and only highlight how it impacts on me (and more importantly our clients). I just don't know if I can resist saying to him 'sure you haven't left your shades in the manager's office?' But I am better than that and need to focus on what's important.

I really wouldn't bare anything, if I were you! 😯

There are enough shenanigans going on in your place of work without adding more to it.

petra Wed 17-Apr-24 17:12:54

Well you certainly have a lot of time on your hands considering the time you have spent composing these rubbish posts 🤦🏼‍♀️

fancythat Wed 17-Apr-24 16:57:06

All strange

Ziplok Wed 17-Apr-24 16:50:19

I thought so too, RosiesMaw. Strange set up. Perhaps offices are shared?🤷‍♀️

RosiesMaw Wed 17-Apr-24 16:25:09

orchid25

If a person doesn't do their job but uses it for socials then that's not fair. It isn't just me who's noticed his behaviour (this includes a lot of male clients who complain to the team on the desk about not gaining access). One male contractor in his own words said 'he's always hiding!' I didn't respond to that btw. For the most part, the team including me can assist with his department and do that without any problem. But it's not fair to not give us a heads up who's in to assist local residents who have leaks, floods and electrical disasters as we don't have that expertise. If his department wasn't tied up with ours I wouldn't have an opinion about his activities.

I thought you worked in a library confusedconfused

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 17-Apr-24 15:59:52

That was in response to Jewelle.

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 17-Apr-24 15:59:24

You weren’t named. The nasty comment could have applied to any divorced poster, of whom you may well not be one.

AreWeThereYet Wed 17-Apr-24 15:56:57

To me it does sound as if you have grounds to feel aggrieved. But you made the mistake of tying it to their affair. I'm not sure if your disapproval of their affair is colouring your attitude to their work, or if the problems they are causing the department have accentuated your disapproval of their affair.

It is annoying when people don't pull their weight - usually the load falls on other people. And it is annoying trying to work with someone who is supposed to work with you but doesn't communicate - been there, done that.

But you seem to have three choices:
- out them for their bad work practices, but you'd better have plenty of evidence and be prepared to leave if things go wrong
- leave and look for another job or
- learn to ignore what they are doing, do your job as best you can and wait for things to change for one reason or another.

Jewelle Wed 17-Apr-24 15:56:01

Ah I missed the deleted post. Am assuming it was in reply to my post. Shame grin

pascal30 Wed 17-Apr-24 15:54:58

This is another progressive post... dah dah

orchid25 Wed 17-Apr-24 15:41:08

If a person doesn't do their job but uses it for socials then that's not fair. It isn't just me who's noticed his behaviour (this includes a lot of male clients who complain to the team on the desk about not gaining access). One male contractor in his own words said 'he's always hiding!' I didn't respond to that btw. For the most part, the team including me can assist with his department and do that without any problem. But it's not fair to not give us a heads up who's in to assist local residents who have leaks, floods and electrical disasters as we don't have that expertise. If his department wasn't tied up with ours I wouldn't have an opinion about his activities.