I hate Christmas

That's an insensitive advert. Bit like interflora sending me all kinds of emails about things that don't apply - father's day - what? How do they know he's been dead 55 years - it could have been recent.
I liked the card that said "women and turkeys against christmas".
I had an epiphany when I was 18 about the commercialisation and excess of it all and it's been a bumpy ride ever since. My worst ever Christmas was the one three days after I had a diagnosis of breast cancer. Some of the post divorce ones were pretty grim too. Oh and the one after the breast cancer one was a contenderl - flew to KL, Malaysia, to have a lovely holiday with the chap who is now DH. He was based in HK. I got there and he had just received a fax to say my mother had died. Flew back in time for Christmas. Travel insurance wouldn't pay out because she was already ill and it cost him a fortune with all the extra flights.
On the other hand I do have some fond memories of walking on the cliffs on my own in the sunshine...
Now kids and grandkids on the other side of the planet. Sister abroad as well. Always end up going to SIL's where there is a nauseating excess of present giving and not a very nice meal (turkey breast joint because "nobody" likes the rest of the turkey.........) . Not one of the inner family circle and not a guest either. I quite like them all but individually is better than en masse. But I do my best to be nice, as my DH is very supportive to my trips to the southern hemisphere while he toils away. I don't get to cook so I may get to go for a walk or if not, maybe down the pub with the men.

Not at all keen on Christmas! It's all started by the end of August and the dregs of it (sales) are still draining away just before Valentine's Day. None of my family go mad with excitement about it, thankfully, and it's really just a case of figuring out with each other how much to spend on each other - how stupid is that? My partner and I will spend Christmas Day on our own - because we're too far apart from the family geographically to walk to see them and we no longer have a car. We may see one or two of them, if they can make it down to us, but it's unlikely and it really doesn't matter. Our meal, which I'm really looking forward to, is a meal which will be delivered from our favourite friendly Indian restaurant!
The pain of loss of contact with family members through disagreement is made all the more poignant at Christmas-time, as we know. It would be just so lovely if because it was Christmas, that bridges were built. <hopeful emoticon>

do you remember those paper decorations that you twisted before hanging them - my mother and i hung them one year and put little blobs of cotton wool hanging off them for snowballs my father came home drunk as usual ripped them all done saying it made the house cold and then beat mother and I with his belt. Pretty much the story of our lives until I met my DH who said he would beat him if he ever touched me again - no wonder I still think he is wonderful - if slightly annoying at times! - so any christmas has to be an improvement but am still not too keen. Hugs to all who will be parted from those they love and a happy time to all who have their loved ones close

Ah that is a very sad memorey nanarosie. Harder to recover from the pains of childhood than those inflicted on us when we are grown up maybe.

What a distressing memory for you nanarosie. My good friend had the same experiences at Christmas - always ruined by a drunken, violent father. She would clean the toilet with his toothbrugh next day - it gave her some small sense of control in a horrible situation. I hope you have a peaceful time this year

Charlotta asked: Joan I'm sorry to hear there is a rift with your son. Is it the one that is getting married?

Yes - well, the last I heard it will be April 2012.

I sent him an email on Friday just saying "We don't understand what has happened but we love you, and we want you and Michelle to have a happy future together." I have no idea if this was the right or wrong thing to do, but so far, the silence is deafening.

I'm sure that the email was the right thing to do. I feel as the older, hopefully more sensible, level-headed generation, it's usually up to us to wave the white flag. It's just so frustrating when you don't understand what has gone wrong and just how the situation is being discussed between the other parties. I do hope that you will get a friendly response.

Joan I think it was quite brave to send the e-mail. I hope you get a good result. As for Christmas, I'm tense about buying presents and all the cooking but have very happy memories of childhood Christmases to keep me going. On reading some of the earlier posts and other threads in AIBU I have been thinking that some of us are worriers and some are warriors. I know which I am. I think we have a few warriors amongst us and we so need them

Joan that is heartbreaking, sending big {{{{hugs}}}} . I think you did the right thing.

Joan, I think you did just the right thing. The silence may be deafening just now, but I'm sure that email will have been looked at more than once.

Joan You have acted according to your inner feelings. You DESERVE a LOVING response. I am sending you a huge hug. Be strong. Never give up...

Thank you everyone - I feel reassured that I did right. Perhaps Monday I'll hear something.......

I want Christmas to be exciting but that goes once you're grown up. My ex-husband took no part in Christmas so I bought the presents, wrapped them and watched the children open them. Everything had to be bought out of what I could secretly save from the housekeeping money. With those memories I don't like Christmas either.

Joan and nanarosie (((hugs))) all round. Christmas is not a happy time for so many, apricot my ex-husband was the same bundle of joy as yours, but now with new model and Grandchildren I love it

I'm a bit younger and my parents were perhaps a bit better off financially so my memories were of a busy but fun family time. I'm guessing the weather in the UK adds to the gloom too. I'm sure all we Aussies who find a the idea of a white Christmas so appealing haven't trudged through the snow in gale force winds on a bitterly cold gloomy short day. Our Christmas Day here in Adelaide is usually in the mid to high 30's C, dawn is around 6am and sunset around 8:30pm... very much like Tim Minchin's white wine in the sun!

Please don't click on this link if you're offended by swearing, but Mr Garrison from Southpark's Christmas song always makes me laugh... www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO1fUOWaL1U

I always remember my brother and sisters having army socks filled to the brim with nuts and apple and orange and some sweets all laid out at the bottom of our beds,we where lucky because dad worked on the docks and fruit was easily available (so was dads favourite tipple).Our gran ran a boarding house so we had a big large farmhouse table laden down with goodies as gran was the most amazing cook,some of her lodgers used to stay over Christmas so we got spoiled by them as well,lovely times which I treasure.

Childhood Christmases were pretty grim and I have very few good memories - my own children have enjoyed Christmas à la The Waltons. Last year was the first year the traditional pattern was broken and now I suspect that Christmas will never be the same, but it's okay because my children are grown and it's time for the next generation to institute their own ways of celebrating the event (or not).

Xmas is a time of such pressure: mainly to have fun and party! This year I will have all my family around me, including the Aussie contingent; I am so looking forward to it, but the pressure is so there to make it fun. That pressure is so awful for those whose family is less than they would wish or even non-existent. We did do Xmas with just the two of us last year as family were elsewhere and the pity of others was awful. Why do we have to defend little Xmases?
Borstal Grandpa says he will do some cooking, but I know he won't in the end, so I want as much done early as poss; something he doesn't understand and thinks I am overdoing it. Hey ho for mid Jan when it's all over, but then younger daughter and family will have returned to Aus!
Hanged or shot?

Not a lot of 'comfort and joy' on this thread. Christmas, whether or not you treat it as a religious festival should not be a time of pressure. Pressure to have fun is an oxymoron!

One of the most relaxed Christmases we had was when all our children were going elsewhere and we asked another couple whose family were also with the "other side". It was wonderful as there were no expectations, we ate what we liked and just had a nice time chatting with our friends. But we did miss the kids. Nothing is ever perfect, and I think that is the clue, the more perfect we try and make it, the less it is. Annobel is right there should be no pressure, but there very often is and we do it to ourselves.

Yeh annobel but it's great to have somewhere to indulge in a bit of anti christmas whinging when the rest of the time it is

.......but I love January and February. I great great sigh of relief: Christmas behind and Spring in front....its the best time of year for my spirits to be up - so to speak.

My birthday is before Xmas and I often get presents wrapped in Xmas paper
(its the thought that counts!) and have tried to ignore it over the years.

Now it is different. I sense a lot of people really enjoy a break from Xmas preparations and I have started doing a brunch with coffee, tea, rolls, croissants amd loads of butter and anything else I think of. The neighbours are beginning to look forward to it each year and in comparison Xmas falls flat for me, but the others enjoy it and I find if Grandma is quiet for once nobody notices!

"if Grandma is quiet for once nobody notices!"

I'm gonna try that! Probably make life easier all round, really.