How do I deal with this and am I being unreasonable?

Harrigran that sounds great and is what I hope for in the future. I think it is very dependent on personality and I do get on well with my son's fiancée, so here's hoping!

My GC are the children of DS and we have a wonderful relationship. DIL is kind and considerate and I think of her as another DD

Going back to the beginning, wise old friend who is mother to two sons and a daughter assured me that you are always closer to your daughter's children than your son's, because of the differing parent/child relationships. Although DS lives 13 hours flight away and DD only ten minute's drive, I have found this to be true. Have good technology enabled relationship with overseas branch, but there is not the same closeness. Will be interesting if and when DS 2 becomes a father as his partner's mother died a few years ago. However I will wait and see and be ever so 'umble! Just hope for none of that awful hostility we have heard about on this thread. Perhaps it is a difference of viewpoint? But hurtful nevertheless. to all who are hurting.

Have a wonderful lunch Trendy and enjoy every mouthful, you deserve it.

Reading this makes me realise how lucky I am with my two SiL who are both very polite and welcoming. Actually the third ex SiL was quite reasonable on that score too. I know it is not me because quite often I can be a pain in the butt and interfering, It just happens that their mums have taught them good manners and respect; thank goodness.

Me? Never!

I thought maybe you'd put the frighteners on them jingl

nightowl I wondered that too!

Have a lovely lunch - enjoy.

That is just the best TRENDY , I am so happy for you.
Go and enjoy, as I know you will !

Perhaps they read gransnet trendygran!

Have a lovely day

Ooh, that's very good. Enjoy.

All is not lost! Today I received a text inviting me to Sunday Lunch with my DD,SIL and GS tomorrow! This is a first, apart from Christmas! Maybe the telephone 'row' has finally made them think. I intend to go and enjoy my dinner. Such a treat to have one cooked for me .

Thanks for your understanding, lovely flowers , wine and cake, Nonu, nightowl and jinglbellsfrocks. My SIL is a hard working A+E Nurse and is also studying for a Masters. I admire him for this, but his verbal 'temper' is in need of control. He often snaps at my DD and sometimes my GS(5YRS)(for nothing but she seems to cope with it. Apparently his Dad, who I get on ok with, also had a fiery temperament, but seems to have mellowed with age ,as far as I know.

trendygran

trendy

I can't believe he made a fuss because of a phone call! He obviously has issues, but they're certainly not yours. (((Hugs))) to you.

Why do they have to get so insular? They really don't need to cut us out to that extent.

And why do some son-in-laws have to think they bloody well know everything?!

Trendy no you are not being selfish, where does SIL get off from being so hateful to you.
It is not good at all !!

Hmmm

Jinglebells frocks, you are so right about SILs --well, one of my two - .
Last week I was on the receiving end of what can only be termed verbal abuse, because I dared to ring my DD on a Sunday ,when it was 'their time as a family 'All I wanted was to find out when they could collect my GS's Easter present . It became clear that my SIL purely regards me as a babysitter, with no right to refuse if I am doing something else. I have fought hard to rebuild my life since my DH died , but it seems this is not allowed! Am I just being selfish?

"They dont really have a relationship with any one in my family, they go and see my parents occasionally, my mother in law has only seen the baby twice. Her great great grandmother has never seen her. I would take her to see her byut they wont let me look after her. "

1) Have your parents or MIL gone to visit them? It's alot easier that way.
2) You want to take an 11 month old, who see's you once every 2 weeks, to a strange place with strange people without her mum? That is not what is best for the child.
3)Maybe arrange a lunch? Invite your SIL, DIL (and baby!) Aswell as your parents, MIL? Roast dinner, followed by cake and tea. You all get to see each other and get cake. Winwin.

Enjoy it on the parents' terms too, not yours. It's their kid.

Going back to the OP, I can understand parents not wanting others to buy their children "too much" for birthdays or xmas. Perhaps they felt that the gifts of nursery equipment and prams (prams, plural, for one baby?) was enough and didn't want to be made to feel beholden because of excessive gift giving. Perhaps they regarded some of it as junk/clutter.

What does the OP mean by "told off"? Re the taking pictures, for instance, was the picture-taking a bit in your face? Was the "telling off" just a remark that the mum found it annoying to have a camera pointed at her and her baby so much? I don't suppose we'll ever know.

If you are seeing your grandchild once a month or once a fortnight, OP, you're lucky. Enjoy it and stop complaining.

I have read this thread with interest, and am so grateful for the relationships I have with my children and their partners, having 2DGD one from my DS and one from my DD.....my sons partner has been delightful, and very welcoming to me in Berlin, despite getting over a broken leg, Cesarean and house move...

My DD lives an hour away, but I know if I am passing for work, I can pop in for a coffee, and they come down once or twice a month, and we have DGD over to sleep

her partners mum lives round the corner from them - they moved house 8 weeks ago and she still hasn't visited, nor has his sister who also lives nearby... I know my DD feels hurt, but is careful not to say anything to he partner and I just keep my counsel ... which is the hardest lesson to learn.. people in love are blind , and wont take kindly to comments about their choice of partner, however well intended, and this will often lead the to be defensive, and form a stronger pair bond united against the outsider... I tried to explain this to my brother who dislikes his daughter husband ( for very good reason..DV involved ) but in slagging him off disparaging him, makes her cling to him as a poor misunderstood person

So you all must know what its like? What the new mum has been through?
And turning up, out of blue, is ok?


Betternotbitter, i'm with you. I was just giving advice after being in a simular situation. It got very ugly, it was emotionaly exhausting.

OP if you are still reading. Just take a step back, be there when they need you, build some bridges.

Night all. Jack Reacher awaits me in bed.

You are right Betternotbitter. It is important not to close off any bridges (sorry if that's a mixed metaphor). Just seems very sad for Bex.