Many thanks everyone - I already feel better with your words of wisdom.
This has been an on and off problem for as long as I can remember. My mum suffered from depression and agoraphobia, and I had what you might call an unusual childhood - only child, mum and dad argued a lot, due to mums' illness I know now, but the general feeling was of not a happy time.
I don't like to "pin the blame" on them - it was a hard time, my mum worried about lack of money, my dad was outgoing and had friends and a social life where he worked, but mum couldn't even go out beyond our garden.
However, it undoubtedly made me who I am now, and the residue of that time is still real.
I feel so down about the world we live in - I know I can't change it. Have tried to avoid news programmes, but other half wants to see them, so sometimes I just take myself off and find something else to do.
Even my refuge of Radio 4 seems to be exclusively bad news.
I do enjoy walking with our dog - she is a great comfort and friend. Have always had a dog - when I was about 8 I would disappear for hours and just walk with my terrier.
Little things brighten my day - rainbows, clouds, blue sky!, the feeling of the wind in your face - it is like it is blowing life into my very being.
I have really taken on board that I will never be a happy person - In my heart I know that - but maybe if I accept that and appreciate the little things in life, I might not feel so alien.