Not to do childcare

Even if it was her granddaughter it’s still cheeky.

Like many of us we help with grandchild care but it’s not a given. It’s quite legitimate for people to say I have done my childcare days and don’t want to do that again

I agree it’s a cheek even though it’s her god-daughter.

Direct! I don’t like cheeky buggers.

Subtle then?

I think this is laughable to be honest.

I can’t quite believe the cheek.

My reply would be fuck off and you must think I was born yesterday. Oh snd you are no longer my friend you cheeky
Bitch.

My experience with friends is that the best set ups for looking after grandchildren is when GPS do it part time with some flexibility. People I know have done 3 days leaving a 4 day long week to go away have friends or travel. They also take holidays and expect the parents to make other arrangements. They seem ok about it and seem very much appreciated. On the other hand couples I know who do full time have struggled and they feel less appreciated with the parents just thinking they are available and not really realising what the GPS have given up. It's very hard to stop something once it's started. Much easier to offer less at first. As one friend said ...she's so glad she was cautious and only offered 2 days BV as would have felt it was difficult to reduce time later if she found it harder than expected.

I think it’s appalling to ask a recently retired friend to take on such a commitment. I was quite gob smacked to read about it.

After having five children of my own, and two grandchildren pretty much living with us for 10 years because of my daughters health issues, I felt I’d had enough of regular child minding so when I retired I made it clear that I wouldn’t do any regular childminding or school runs but I would help out in school holidays, inset days or emergencies and that’s the way it’s been. I was fortunate that no one sulked or took umbrage about my refusal but seemed to understand. However, I did still get asked by (not a close) relative if I’d look after her new baby 4 days a week as the child care costs were so expensive but I said no and explained that we had retirement plans and that we felt we’d earned the right to be able to fulfil them.

About the same time I also began to balk at the kind of babysitting which involved overnight stays at our house by babies or very young children so that the parents could have a lie in the following morning. I was very happy to babysit at the parent’s house though but it was surprising how the babysitting requests dropped off after that.

I have 13 grandchildren and great grandchildren with another one expected soon and we see lots of them but regular, long term commitments? No thank you. Too old and too little energy.

They don't want to pay though!
And this is not a relative.

Depends on how fit you are, and whether you like babies or children in general.

I'm personally quite happy to look after children of any age, dogs, cats, kittens, puppies etc. etc. but tastes differ.

If a person finds babies difficult or boring then they should politely decline to look after them. The child will probably be far happier with someone who likes that particular age group.

I wouldn't dream of doing it..
Babies aren't my scene at all.

Teetime I agree we are all different and not everyone feels able or wants to look after grandchildren for long periods. Yes a five month old baby sleeps a lot of the time but is a big responsibility and restricts other activities. I told both my daughters if they became single parents I would never give up work to look after the baby. Illness of course is another matter and then of course I would help and did so.
I agree with Day6 we can do our bit just not as a regular commitment.
I admire those grandparents who spend most of their time looking after grandchildren its just not for me.

I love the answers on MN - straight to the point!!

Mawbroon given that they (babies) sleep for hours on end at 5 months. Whose babies are those then? A nap after lunch and that is it, is my experience.

What a cheek! Just what part of NO don't they understand?

Looking after your own DGC is quite a commitment and I must say my DC were always very grateful for the one or two days per week that I cared for the DGC and did not expect me to do it. I enjoyed it too.

However, this is quite another scenario and it's sad if a longstanding friendship comes to an end but they are expecting far too much and the OP should not change her mind or give in.

phenomenon

It's strange, isn't it. I bet if you asked todays mothers with small children if, when their child raising days were over and the last child had just left home, they would be prepared to start all over again with child care every day, the answer would be a resounding NO!

The grandparent army - yes, it's an army of pensioners - offering free childcare is a recent phenomena. Go to any park, supermarket or garden centre mid week and there is a host of older people pushing buggies and supervising young ones. Many look worn out. We've been there ourselves and chatted with other grandparents as we've pushed swings, chased little ones around and lifted them up and down off play equipment.

The love is obviously there, but in many cases the stamina is lacking and the enthusiasm for being in charge day after day has waned.

We get one life and there is a reason our bodies reproductive system pack up when they do. I know the world has changed, but older people remain older people with less energy, and continuous child-care may be a privilege and may indicate trustworthiness, but it's also a thief of hard-earned leisure time, when there is less of it in front of us to enjoy. The clock is ticking.

Petunia wrote - "But there is a downside.
In our mid sixties, we have very little free time to do other things. No spontaneous weekends away as our week begin at 8am on Monday with nine hour days and no official breaks till Thursday.
Holidays must be planned around school holidays
The unpredictability of the parents working hours limits our evening social life"

I think you have summed it up there Petunia. It's obvious that you adore your grandchildren and taking care of them has many joys, but if you commit to regular childcare, your life is not your own.

OH and I feel we have slogged away all our lives and we just don't know how long retirement lasts - we are in the autumn/winter of our lives. Much as we love our GC too, we feel this is our time to live and enjoy life. The freedom we have has been hard won. I had to pay childminders so I could work and keep a roof over our heads. I know how hard it is as a single Mum to work and have no back-up.

Now, in our 60s, we need to be able to take off at a moments notice if we want to, and to spend our days doing things we always said we'd do while we were tied to work and raising our own families. Our health may not hold out and being with children all day we find exhausting, much as we love their company.

We do our bit, but we just don't commit to regular hours every week.

Some years back our next door neighbour ( who also had a retirement home in the next county that whe went back to each weekend) looked after her grandson until he was about 11, this was for her unmarried daughter who lived with her. And was in full time work.

Then her daughter got married and the grandmother said to me now is my time to do all the things I want to do. She was in her late 60s by this time. I asked what would happen if her newly married daughter had another child. She replied I can’t do all that again as I would be in my late 70s by then!

Move on a couple of years I see her pushing a buggy with her baby granddaughter in it and guess what she is lumbered again.

Sorry Teetime not meaning to be judgmental, it just seemed an extraordinary sentiment (given that they sleep for hours on end at 5 months.)

Good lord, how extraordinary.

I loved bringing up my own children, but never had any desire to bring up any others, not even my grandchildren. Luckily I live too far away. I know of at least two people my age who felt the same, but both finished up doing child care because they lived close to their children/grandchildren and felt unable to refuse.

MawBroon I dont have to justify it - we dont all enjoy babies I am better at looking after older people which I have done all my life- I know where my skills lay. As things are with my hands at the moment I would probably drop a baby. I held my great granddaughter (6 months) on Saturday for half an hour and the pain in my hands and thumbs was excruciating. Dont be so quick to judge others.

Oh no you are nbu in any way.I did have my DGCs when they where under school age whilst DD was working but I was 20yrs younger then and they where not tiny babies.
Enjoy your retirement I certainly do
I have no qualms in saying no to my DS1 and his wife or my DGS and his partner to look after their children when both mums return to work in February next year.

Wow what a cheek

Friend's daughter's baby ? That is so cheeky it is off the scale.

It's not even a grandparent who was asked - and accused of being selfish for declining! Just the godmother of a friend's daughter.
Astonishing CF-ery, as MN would say.

I'm already putting mental bets on the Daily Mail picking this one up! Fantastic click-bait.