I’ve posted before about my FIL and why it is usually me who has to deal with him rather than my DH, his son.
He has become increasingly insufferable as time passes since MIL passed away. It’s becoming more apparent just how much she covered for him.
He is extremely opinionated and never misses an opportunity to put all & any if us in our place. However with his alcoholism and associated memory loss his pearls of wisdom are becoming more personal and ludicrous.
This has escalated recently as we have had one of our children diagnosed with ASD. It’s been a long hard process with us as parents having to deal with some difficult issues.
We tend not to tell him anything about our lives anymore due to his critical comments. We do however have to listen to his health and emotional issues as in his head he is the only person grieving and the most important person.
However, he is spending Christmas with us this year, we invited him.. I thought it would be better if he knew about DS issues and could hopefully be a bit kinder, have more patience and be understanding. He lives quite a distance away so needs to stay.
This has backfired immensely. He was so rude and dismissive of the diagnosis. He had been drinking though so his opinion was amplified. He said in his experience (ie none at all) these new fangled conditions are just made up and children would have just had a clip around the ear 20 years ago. I was so upset that I hung up on him. He called back a few times. I couldn’t speak to him so left it a few hours. I then calmed down and called him back hoping that he would apologise. He at first denied the previous conversation happened. He obviously had a nap between calls and sobered up a bit. He then doubled down on his opinions. When I told him that he was being insufferably rude he said he didn’t mean to but that I wasn’t listening to him.
I ended the call again. Upset, again.
My DH called him the next day. He said he didn’t mean to upset me but that I wouldn’t listen to him. He then reiterated all of his points to DH. When DH said it didn’t matter what he thought and what his experience was, this was ours. He still banged on about these new conditions which were ridiculous and over diagnosed just to make consultants more money. He just doesn’t get it. He can have an opinion we just don’t need to hear it. He’s so hard on DS when he visits. I now fear that he will be worse. We’re all trying to deal with a diagnosis, including DS that is life changing really.
I now don’t want to invite him for Christmas, which is my AIBU. DH has lost his mum, this is his only remaining parent. Without visiting us he will gave a very lonely Christmas. DH will be upset by this, but I now think FIL deserves it. He has alienated most people over the two years since MIL passed away.
