Thank you all so much.
Just to clarify, the once a month contact was not court ordered but an advisory from Children’s Services. Since the Special Guardianship was granted Children’s Services are no longer involved. Discharged, so to speak. As I mentioned before, my daughter is 2 completely different people. Person one is caring, considerate, helpful and loving. Person two is hateful, vengeful, spiteful, manipulative, jealous and downright nasty. She has never been in my home as person two i.e. never under the influence of drink or drugs, has never tried to be, nor would I allow it. So it’s very difficult trying to limit contact to once a month for a tiny toddler (GD was only 3) who wants her mummy from a mummy who genuinely loves her but is too weak to give up the substances. However, the little one (now 7) has begun to realise she can’t rely on her mummy, having been let down on multiple occasions, and looks on mummy as an occasion playmate, not as an authoritarian figure.
My grandchildren have a solid, comfortable, healthy home-life. The 16 year old just completed her GCSE’s and is going on to A levels and then hopefully University. They are happy and I would do anything to protect them. They have a wide family network including brilliant ‘other’ grandparents.
To cut off your own daughter is an incredibly painful thing to do when all you want and have tried to do over the years is support, help and fix her to no no avail.
I suppose I already knew the answer to my original question. I know what it has come to and what I need to do. I just needed to hear that I wasn’t the monster I felt like. I can’t save her and sometimes I hate myself because I can’t save this girl I gave birth to.