I Just Quit My WhatsApp Group With My Ex Workmates

Work colleagues are often not true friends. They may be on a 1-1 basis but really I think generally they are people who are simply friendly at work

Well done you for moving on at last.

You were obviously the one they relied on to know when people had a birthday! There's always one in a group who is organised and knows these things. I'm shocking when it comes to remembering birthdays etc etc.

If you weren't enjoying being in the group it's perfectly reasonable to leave.

No need for explanation

Happy birthday Bengal
I usually put birthday messages on Facebook but get very few in return. It doesn’t really bother me.
I would like to stop sending Christmas cards this year & give the Money to charity.
Just because someone gets a lots of birthday cards doesn’t mean that they are popular or well liked.
Enjoy the fact that you no longer have to track your ex colleagues birthday dates.

Belated Birthday wishes to you Bengal

Happy birthday Bengal. Don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. Sometimes after we retire we realise that the only thing we have in common with old colleagues is work, nothing else. I retired 4 years ago and only keep in touch with 4 people I used to work with, but worked with them for over 25 years. They are friends I socialise with on a regular basis rather than a WhatsApp group. Also once retired I made new friends by joining various groups, voluntary work etc. As you say, you feel elated so it’s onwards and upwards now.

Just time to wish you Happy Birthday Bengal

I think I am still in the group we had, but nearly everyone else in it has left the company since anyway. I only ever write to each one individually. You are not being unreasonable - as Bixiboo and Notspaghetti have said, they probably weren't real friends anyway.

Bengal- forgive me if I'm wrong - but all these pps saying 'well, they weren't real friends anyway' are missing thy point.
You know that, and you are hacked off and angry because you were lovely and thoughtful colleague, and they are a deadloss!
I'd be angry and upset too.
I've been in this position, and it's horrible.
I hope that you had a good birthday yesterday.

Firstly Happy Birthday ? ? ? for yesterday.
I retired 2 years ago Bengal and have found the opposite.
I was the one who organised meetings, Xmas parties, nights out at other times of the year, but the close knit group of ladies (6 of us) have said they want to take over and for me to enjoy it.
They took me for afternoon tea on my birthday a year ago and a walk in a beauty spot for this year’s birthday. One brought Prosecco and plastic glasses, one brought a big bunch of flowers.
They are friends as well as ex-colleagues, and I’m sorry yours weren’t. You can make a small group of true friends now and devote more energy to them. ?

Puzzler, that's a bit of an unkind post when Bengal has posted her experience. Bengal, many happy returns, and congratulations on your liberation! You are most definitely NBU.

Oh dear, Puzzler, that was a bit tactless, at best.

One of the few benefits of the lockdown is that I no longer have to meet up with ex colleagues/friends. I know I didn't HAVE to but I got into a routine of meeting for lunch with one or the other. I went because they asked and because I'm a wimp and a people pleaser. No more. Like you Bengal I feel a sense of elation. Good for you. Happy birthday for yesterday.

Apologies to Bengal no malice intended.
Just putting another point of view that not all work colleagues are thoughtless and Bengal should not feel she acted rashly if she found hers to be so.
She said she felt elated and free so she isn’t upset.

Bengal Happy Birthday. Well done for moving on from this relationship - some things like this just drain us and aren't worth the air time or your time. Have a lovely day.

Oopsminty

You were obviously the one they relied on to know when people had a birthday! There's always one in a group who is organised and knows these things. I'm shocking when it comes to remembering birthdays etc etc.

If you weren't enjoying being in the group it's perfectly reasonable to leave.

No need for explanation

Very true!

Just withdraw politely say you enjoyed their company etc etc
Move on to the next chapter in life look forwards not back.

It’s 8 years since I retired, and you do realise, as time goes by,that work colleagues are just that, colleagues.
I have nothing in common with them now, it seems so long ago, (thank goodness).

I used to be part of a group of retired former colleagues but I am rarely contacted by any of them now. I was not always included in the information about the next meet up which was hurtful. After I moved away, I only wanted to drive back in decent weather and now with the pandemic, I think that part of my life is over.
I can understand why you want to leave the WhatsApp group, OP, and don’t see why you should hesitate.

If you feel elated, you've done the right thing.

Presumably there was nothing else about the group that you liked, besides remembering birthdays?

You chose to do the birthday thing, thus reminding everyone else when it was someone's birthday.
They clearly don't have a note of all the birthdays, so why would they know yours?

All the best with your future.

Happy Birthday Bengal. I retired at the end of 2019, my colleagues have been lovely and supportive over the years but I am expecting contact to gradually cease.

Thank you to all who replied and sent me birthday messages. I really appreciate it. I was really upset. I actually employed a couple of the ladies and worked with them for many years, though most have now left the company, we still met up for special birthdays and occasions, one being my 60th last year when we all went out to celebrate. Still, I’m happy to be moving on now. I realise that once work is out of the equation there is not much left in common and relationships fizzle out... Time to find some new friends to chat with ??

Happy birthday xx

Happy birthday for yesterday, Bengal. Yes - time to move on. Also, why should you have to remember everyone’s birthday - it seems that the others were relying on you all the time. Not on! I have been a bit of a people pleaser all my life, but now feel that I may have been taken for granted by some. I have made some great friends through my first job (some of them from 40 years ago), but colleagues from my last job (I retired 2 years ago) were lovely, but I didn’t particularly want to stay in touch with them and I think the feeling was mutual. If you’re feeling a sense of “freedom” from
the WhatsApp group, then you’ve the right thing exiting it. If anyone should ask you why you left, just say that it was good whilst it lasted, but your life has now moved on.

It hurts doesn't it, when you remember their birthdays and they forget yours? I used to work with a younger woman who, at the time was approaching her 40th birthday. She was making such a big thing of it and as we regularly worked together so I bought her a bottle of champagne and a beautiful card. I didn't even get a "thank you" or a card for my birthday a few weeks later!
My neighbour is now pretty much the same, constantly banging on about his birthday etc but he conveniently forgets ours but is very happy to accept all manner of help with shopping, odd jobs and gardening etc! The thorn in my side was the day I heard him talking to a visitor who commented on his garden; neighbour said " oh yes, next door does it for me but he's not a proper gardener"! I was furious and stopped my OH doing his garden anymore.