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My 98 year old mother was burgled

(47 Posts)
Freeandeasy Sun 17-Nov-19 18:47:43

Last week, my mum, who lives in sheltered accommodation, was a victim of a burglary, along with another woman in the same block of flats. A new door, which was fob key operated, had been recently installed, and the intruder, the police suspected, had followed a resident or carer into the building whilst the door was closing. The police timed the door and it took on average around 15 seconds to finally close.

I have to say that when I reported it last Saturday morning (on-line as I couldn’t get through by telephone) I received a response straight away with a crime reference number, followed up an hour later by a telephone call acknowledging my report. Later on that same evening I received two calls from one of the police officers who visited my mother and the other lady later on in the day.

My mum is starting to get very forgetful - I think she is starting to show early signs of dementia, but to be honest, for her to get to 98 with all her faculties, she has done very well. She and the other lady had not locked their internal doors, despite being told by the warden (and myself and the families of all the other residents on many occasions to do so). The intruder saw his opportunity (and yes, I know he was male as some other residents had seen him in the building but didn’t challenge him) entered my mum’s flat, probably while she was in it at the time (she never leaves her flat, only to go to the bin or laundry room) and never early or late evening. He took her purse (which was found a few days later and handed in to the warden as her name and address was in it) empty of the money of course, but thankfully as I have power of attorney, no banker’s card. What was more upsetting was that when my mum and I checked to see if anything else was missing 3 rings (including a very expensive diamond ring of over 50 years) and a gold bracelet was missing.

It could have been a lot worse, my mum could have been attacked or mugged in her own home and thankfully she wasn’t. She is also very deaf, has her TV on very loud and wouldn’t have heard anyone enter her flat.

The police have been marvellous, no CCTV was in place, and they have taken steps with the housing association to rectify this. They don’t hold out much hope of the jewellery turning up and my mother had only the basic insurance which wouldn’t cover the cost of an expensive ring (my fault, as I should have realised this).

I have accepted that the jewellery and money are gone, but what I can’t come to terms with is that some scumbag entered a supposedly save sheltered housing block of flats and robbed two elderly ladies (the other lady also had money and jewellery stolen and her purse was subsequently found in the street opposite as well).

I feel so helpless, angry and basically want to seriously hurt this individual - and I am a very passive person. My mother now keeps her door locked - too late after the horse has bolted - but I am so upset that this has happened to her and another vulnerable person.

Sorry for the rant but I feel I had to let off steam. There is nothing more I can do, only to support my mum, who thankfully (due to her early dementia I feel) hasn’t been traumatised by all of this) and I just feel so angry and can’t stop crying over it. Thanks for listening.

Jaycee5 Mon 18-Nov-19 10:54:31

It is such a shame when this happens. If people are absent minded especially when they are that elderly, you can't not worry but there is only so much that you can do. Thankfully she wasn't hurt physically although it is obviously a shock for her and for you.
There are very few places that people can't get in if they really want to.
My problem neighbour broke the lock on our security door last week so that it couldn't be locked shut. She used a screwdriver to attack the side on the door jam which must have taken some doing but she is very determined. She has previously thrown the wheelie bins and anything else she can find at the door to try to get in but it stood up to that.
There has been a positive outcome because I told the builder who came to repair it what had happened and he said that she was moving soon so we are all very relieved. Hopefully she will go somewhere with support. She broke her windows three times, once cutting herself, so it should have been obvious earlier that she wasn't coping here.
Her next door neighbours are in their 90s so they are very happy because they really couldn't cope.

jaylucy Mon 18-Nov-19 11:09:09

Our elderly next door neighbour was burgled too.
They didn't go in through the door, just removed the window on his landing that is over a flat roof, using his wheelie bin!
Our house is semi detached - my dad and I heard a few bumps and thumps through the adjoining wall, but just thought it was the neighbour ( he had a habit of slamming his doors and drawers). He was in the house and he only realised that he had been burgled when he realised there was a draught coming through from the hall - they had left by the front door.
The thumping we had heard was the burglars going through his bureau , taking the cash that he had in there to pay for a couple of bills.
It is so horrible that there is someone around that is quite happy to take advantage of elderly people like this.They seem to have no conscience at all. It would be so nice, if when they are caught, that the village stocks were brought back as well as a custodial sentence.!

Tigertooth Mon 18-Nov-19 11:11:47

What a horrible tale - there are some desperate people about.
So glad that your mum was unhurt and actually thankfully unaware at the time - it could have been so much worse.
If I were you I would put a spy cam in her flat anyway (obviously she would be aware) - it’s always good to see who’s coming and going and check on her throughout the day. You can link it up your phone and they are not hugely expensive.

nanaK54 Mon 18-Nov-19 11:59:12

So sorry to read this, sending kindest thoughts to you and your dear mum flowers

humptydumpty Mon 18-Nov-19 12:07:28

harrigran I've often thought as you suggest that bringing back the stocks would be a very good idea, to humiliate them in public - and allow people to vent their anger by throwing the most disgusting, stinky veg availeble at them (followed by a prison sentence!)

Grammaretto Mon 18-Nov-19 12:09:32

Horrible Freeandeasy I am so sorry.
One good thing to remember is that this generation of people in their 90s like your DM have lived through a war (I nearly said both because my DM was a baby in the first) and are fairly tough and resilient. She wasn't physically injured .
I am still furious on your behalf.
I hope this lowlife is caught. He may be because he won't have stopped there and could be picked up on CCTV.

Our car boot was broken into at the crematorium during my DM's funeral. My DD had left her bag, camera, phone etc. I lost my bag including passport and the car had a smashed window.
The worst thing, apart from having to get a new passport was that I had to deal with the bank and police and window repairs while I should have been talking to aunts and cousins some of whom I never saw again.

A gt aunt, also 98 was robbed in her own house. I was very glad when her DD collected her and took her to live with them.

Another time, when a spate of robberies was happening locally, I was alert and managed to get him captured!! Not before he had taken a charity collection from one old lady and robbed from a family recovering from the death of their baby. He was an addict who was later found dead.

It is a horrible helpless feeling and I am sorry for you.

sodapop Mon 18-Nov-19 12:09:51

So sorry to hear about this freeandeasy there are some vile people around to target some of the most vulnerable in society. I hope your Mum recovers from her trauma soon.
Kind thoughts to everyone who has suffered in this way.thanks

Madmaggie Mon 18-Nov-19 12:25:24

Freeandeasy you must be going through a whole range of feelings. You willneed to remind your mum to lock her door (can you put a large print notice on the inside of her door "now lock me") my mum was just the same blithely not bothered about any danger whilst you fret & worry. I'm glad she wasn't physically hurt but very very sorry this happened at all. And sorry for the distress caused to you.

Freeandeasy Mon 18-Nov-19 12:27:37

Thank you for all your replies. I’m sorry (and saddened) to hear that this sort of heinous crime has happened to others too. People who target the elderly and vulnerable are the lowest of the low. Is it a sign of the times do you think? There has always been robberies but years ago there would seem to be an ‘honour amongst thieves’ i.e. they wouldn’t target neighbours or someone old enough to be their mother/grandmother or great grandmother (or father). Also, robberies seem to be becoming more violent these days.

Grammaretto - what a terrible thing to happen at your DM’s funeral - have these vile scumbags no shame? And to hear of others who have been attacked in the street - just sickening.

Luckily (and importantly) my mum is OK. CCTV is now being installed and (Tigertooth) we are looking at installing a spy cam in her flat now.

As Sodapop says - my thought also go out to others who have suffered in this way.

Edithb Mon 18-Nov-19 13:32:19

My mother was a victim of the old “workmen checking the water pressure,” line and lost hundreds of pounds. The thieves were doing it all over town and were caught, but not charged with my mum’s case as she didn’t tell anyone for months that the money had gone. They were jailed the week she died so I had no chance to tell her. She lived in fear for the last six months of her life.

sandye Mon 18-Nov-19 14:35:56

Just a thought, have you checked the local pawnbrokers for the rings? cash-in-a-dash etc. so sorry this happened to an elderly lady

Hellsbelles Mon 18-Nov-19 14:55:50

I'm sorry this has happened to your dear mum. They are some truly evil people out there. I read your post out to my husband and he said drugs, I think I agree. Scumbags.

Musicgirl Mon 18-Nov-19 15:11:17

I just want to add my sympathy to the others. It beggars belief that elderly people were targeted in this way. Despicable behaviour. I hope you are getting over the shock too, Gonegirl.

granbabies123 Mon 18-Nov-19 15:38:28

I'm going to show my 82 year old mother your post. She insists on leaving her door unlocked ,is deaf and shuts the internal lounge door so she would not hear anyone in hall or bedroom.
It's unfortunate that they lived in a different time and are so trusting,and why shouldn't they be.
So sorry but glad your mum is unharmed

Bestgranny Mon 18-Nov-19 15:57:45

So sorry to hear what happened to your dear mum , but lucky she wasn’t hurt , it takes time to get over the loss of beautiful jewelry, it happened to my self a few years ago, with the loss of my moms wedding & engagement ring I fretted more about that than my on jewelry.
It fact your mom is getting forgetful , she won’t dwell on it too long , that’s a good thing . Sending you good thoughts x

Merryweather Mon 18-Nov-19 16:48:34

Sadly I this day and age everyone is a target. I had rushed in from a club or somewhere late with the girls and very uncharacteristicly I hadn’t locked my door behind me. I went into the kitchen and cooked supper for us. Then took the girls who were 3 and 5 up to bed. An hour later I went downstairs my front door was ajar- handbag missing. I had left it half way up the stairs. The taking from playgroup were inside, along with bill money.
All I can say is thank god that’s all that happened. A disabled lady in the house alone with two young daughters.
I felt violated for weeks. How dare anyone enter someone’s property and take things- sum is what they are. Police had an idea of who was responsible but couldn’t even question them or investigate.
I had cctv fitted pronto.
I’m glad my oh is here most of the time.

GreenGran78 Mon 18-Nov-19 17:58:13

When my mother died, in a nursing-home, the staff removed her rings and put them in the office for safekeeping. Someone got into the building, probably by the same method of following someone else in, and stole them. Luckily they were caught, and the rings recovered.
These type of buildings should have two doors, with a space between and a lock on each, to stop intruders from entering.
These people have no qualms about stealing from the most vulnerable, and are often addicts, desperate for money. What makes me so angry is the pathetic sentences they get, if caught. I was watching the tv programme ‘Caught red-handed’ recently. A man who had been systematically stealing handbags from customers in restaurants for two years was given only a suspended sentence ‘because he had shown remorse for his actions!’ It makes my blood boil!

MissAdventure Mon 18-Nov-19 18:50:46

For the last few months of her life, my mum was bed bound.

Her handbag had been left in her living room, as her mobility had suddenly declined and I was trying to sort out lots of other things.

There was a knock at her door and a woman held out my mums purse, which had been found in a garden a few miles from her home.

The woman had seen it when taking her dog for a walk.

My mum had a keysafe entry on her door, so the only people in were me and the carers.

There are some absolute scumbags around.

Want2Help Tue 19-Nov-19 10:11:31

I'm so sorry to hear this and your distress, please try not to beat yourself up and yes be grateful that your dear mom wouldn't be aware. Its great that you're talking on here about this though, do keep on doing so as you'll get a lot of support. Many years ago my DH's granny was robbed in her own home by two s**mb*gs pretending to be from the gas board. It was horrendous for her and even more so as they must have been watching through the window (because while one distracted her, the other one went straight into the lounge, to the chair where she used to hide her money savings of £2K). She was almost blind so was an easy target. One day they'll have to face the consequences of their actions one way or another. Sending thanks

Alexa Tue 19-Nov-19 10:41:29

Freeandeasy, I feel angry too . I do hope it helps to know you have undivided moral support from everyone.

blue60 Thu 21-Nov-19 20:01:26

I am so sorry to read your story. I'm sure many think like me and wish we could do more to help prevent this heinous crime.

Rest assured, in the aftermath we do what we can, even though it may not seem to be enough, but we are there for the people we care about.