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Lost in translation

(39 Posts)
Tizliz Wed 27-Oct-21 17:04:52

From a Japanese hotel brochure:

Getting There:
Our representative will make you wait at the airport. The bus to the hotel runs along the lake shore. Soon you will feel pleasure in passing water. You will know that you are getting near the hotel, because you will go round the bend. The manager will await you in the entrance hall. He always tries to have intercourse with all new guests.
The Hotel:
This is a family hotel, so children are very welcome. We of course are always pleased to accept adultery. Highly skilled nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children. Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others. But please note that ladies are not allowed to have babies in the bar. We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with them self.
The Restaurant:
Our menus have been carefully chosen to be ordinary and unexciting. At dinner, our quartet will circulate from table to table, and fiddle with you.
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts. In winter, every room is on heat. Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity! .. You will not be disturbed by traffic noise, since the road between the hotel and the lake is used only by pederasts.
Bed:
Your bed has been made in accordance with local tradition. If you have any other ideas please ring for the chambermaid. Please take advantage of her. She will be very pleased to squash your shirts, blouses and underwear. If asked, she will also squeeze your trousers.
Above All:
When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will have no hope. You will struggle to forget it.

BlueSapphire Fri 29-Oct-21 13:36:32

I seem to remember Gerrard Hoffnung with his reading of a continental hotel brochure - something about "you will have amazing views through your French widows".

Shinamae Fri 29-Oct-21 13:39:12

???????????????

Mollygo Fri 29-Oct-21 15:01:29

Really appreciate these -I need a laugh today!

crazyH Fri 29-Oct-21 15:07:01

Thanks Tizliz - needed that ???

welbeck Fri 29-Oct-21 15:51:44

agnurse
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-35840393
there was a famous woman knocker-upper in the london docks who used a pea shooter, mary smith.

Tizliz Sat 30-Oct-21 11:31:17

Glad I cheered so many people up. Need more of this sort of thing to counterbalance the serious threads.

grandtanteJE65 Sat 30-Oct-21 11:57:31

"On the East portal you will find the Virgin Mary crowing"

"On your left is the mediaeval knight NN leaning on his cousin"

both of these gems are from the English tourist brochure to a Belgian cathedral. I shan't tell you which.

The effigy of the knight portrayed him lying on a cushion and the Mother of God on the East portal was most definately not crowing. She was crowned as Queen of Heaven.

On a less exalted level, a small riverside mooring site for pleasure boats stated "Dogs must be kept on a lead on port"

No instructions were given as to what we were to do with them on starboard!

I prefered the German town of Gromitz that made the following request both in German and other languages: "Dear dogs, please keep your owners on a tight leash when walking in our town."

I realise this last isn't a translator's error, but a deliberate attempt to capture the attention of the dog owners.

A tourist resort in Java hiring out donkeys more regrettably enquired "Would you like to ride on you own ass?" I suspect the American tourists especially found it hard to keep a straight face when reading that.

And the old hoary chestnut of the Chinese tailor whose sign read, "Ladies may have fits upstairs"

Not amusing, but frankly puzzling to those who know neither Spanish nor Latin was the sign in a restaurant on the pilgrim way to Santiago de Compostela "Please do not descalce in the restaurant"

I pointed out to them that "decalzar" translates into English as "to take your shoes off" and that descalsed is only used of the barefooted Carmelites.

I got the point though. I would object heartily to anyone taking their trekking boots or shoes off while I was eating!

mokryna Sun 31-Oct-21 08:53:51

True story, my pregnant American friend who had recently arrived in France with practically no knowledge of the language, was driven to the hospital by her husband because she has strong contractions.
Doctor: When did you last have a rapport with your husband?
She: On the way here in the car.

Millie22 Sun 31-Oct-21 09:36:56

So funny ???

English terms and phrases must be hard for anyone to learn.

agnurse Mon 01-Nov-21 05:28:05

My kid was required to take French as a second language from Grades 4-6. On one of the first days of class, a boy in the class needed to use the loo. He raised his hand and said, "Je m'appelle aux toilette" and the teacher replied, "Hi, The Toilet, what do you need?" (What he'd actually said was "My name is To the Toilet".)

nadateturbe Tue 02-Nov-21 00:35:48

Thanks Tizliz. It's good to laugh!

Whiff Tue 02-Nov-21 06:29:56

Thank you all . Next time I am having a bad day I know where to come to cheer myself up. ??

Allsorts Tue 02-Nov-21 06:40:43

I want to visit that hotel in Japan, what a lovely uplifting thread. Thank you all. I had a Japanese car that in the manual referred to sun roofs as moon roofs.