I wish you well for the future Anniepops. Be true to yourself is all you can do. His conscience is for him to deal with!
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Relationships
After divorce.
(49 Posts)My D is separated but not divorced from her husband.
He lives abroad now with his partner of two years. When he visits he spends a lot of time at the house with his children who are now teens. My D runs him about and picks him up and takes him back to the airport. It all seems civilised.
Yesterday I had coffee with my friend at a garden centre and we met up, by chance, with her ex of about 16 years and his wife, having tea. My friend is also remarried.
It was kisses all round and lots of chat between us all but how easy is this all, I do not ask, either of my D or my friend , it is too personal and too intrusive to me.
Does anyone here do the same?
Is it as unemotional as it seems or do resentments simmer and feelings still linger?
I am very close to my D, she is not young, but some things are not discussed between us. We have our personal boundaries.
Thanks for that NannyJan53. I am just recovering from what hopefully is the last family gathering,with my ex in attendance, for a long while. We've had one wedding and one christening within 2 months. Each time I have to mentally prepare myself and try to block him and his wife from my mind and sight. His wife will always try to catch my eye, smile and acknowledge my existence. I'll return a brief reply or smile but can't help thinking what story has been told about me. My ex husband proved to be a jolly good liar and even wove his children into his manipulative " stories" in the past. Just being able to share this with a stranger is providing me with some much needed therapy. Hopefully this week my mind will return to normal and get back to my happier "now" time and future.
Anniepops It always amazes me how people who do something underhand and deceitful like this, always manages to turn it round and make the other person seem in the wrong!
My ex treats me like I have the plague when we cross paths at the inevitable weddings and christenings. I smile through it all and I still feel the pain within but will never show it. He left 13 years ago now after I discovered his double life. We were married for 25 years and for at least 5 of them was living with another woman 100 miles away. He pretended to be working away for part of the week. At the time I felt I was living in a soap opera. Divorce soon followed and he married his affair lady. I never received an apology for his behavior and this still causes me pain. My life is now with my new husband of 3 plus years who I love dearly. I think of my three children as being the joy from my first marriage to a selfish, deceitful man.
That's misunderstand.
Time does heal; my ex and I have always been there for each other [I'm looking after his cats at the moment]. However, I don't know how I'd feel if my son or daughter went though a painful divorce. You must [deservedly]be very proud of your daughter, Franbern.
Well done to her Fran she is a very good mother and a good friend to her ex. A real example of good living.
My eldest daughter had a daughter with her partner. During the time of her pregnancy and after, there were increasing problems as he was unemployed and depending on alcohol a great deal. Came to a finale when bailiffs starting turning up at the house as he was using it to fund his life=style. With help from us, his part of the house was bought out. He had, actually, never paid much, deposit had come from the sale of flat my Daughter had owned, and he had become unemployed within a year of them moving in.
My D was always determined that their young daughter was entitled to have a relationship with her father. Over the years, he has never paid a penny towards her maintenance and, at first, I was angry that he did not just go away and disappear.
However, as time has gone on I can appreciate how correct my D was. Money is not so important as the fact that my g.daughter knows, and has a good relationship, with her Daddy.
Strangely, each time he has become ill, the first person he has turned to is my daughter - even when he was in a relationship with another woman.
So, over the last ten years it is my D who has made him go to see his GP, get treatment for his different cancers. Even now, when he is being treated with stem cells to counteract the damage done to his body by so much chemo, etc. , it is she he 'phones from the hospital to collect things from his flat (this flat was one my D managed to find for him, when he was desperate to come back to this area). He does have a doting, elderly Mum and a sister living in close proximity.
My D has a responsible, stressful job in the NHS as well as the sole financial, etc. responsibility for her teenage daughter and I do sometimes get upset that he puts so much on her, yet so very proud of her that she feels it is important for their daughter for them to maintain a good relationship. Her professional life definitely spills over to her personal one.
illtellhim please forgive my ignorance, as I have scrolled up and down and can not see an earlier post from you and am confused??
Who's girlfriend knew what ?
annsixty I can understand your frustration, the man is obviously a prize idiot, but if hopefully your daughter has moved on, it has all worked out for the best, because it can be horrid for both parties involved if they are living with someone that they do not want to be with.
Going forward just be pleased and happy for your daughter that it has not made her bitter and that she has, by the sound of it, handles things pretty well. Good for her I say..
Well done gardenman you are doing the right thing.
Can not believe she had the cheek to want to shun him SHE is the one that done the dirty deed..
My sometime to be SiL is 50 today.
He and the new lady in his life have gone to New York to celebrate, they also spent C*******s there. My D just shrugs but it gets to me as he never did such things with her and the C. However they speak and are civil and share the C so I must keep my thoughts to myself.
Found out.
My sister-in-law cheated on her husband then wanted the rest of the family to shun her ex husband because of her actions when she was fund out. I still talk to her ex but shun her.
petra - like you, I don't think I should have married him.
But otoh if not, now I wouldn't have 3 lovely adult children!
It is easy to be civil if people have moved on and are now happy.
However there might be resentment if only one partner has moved on.
I think it is ok to be civil and accept that it did not work..
annsixty
He was that. It was my fault that the marriage failed.
I had worked with him closely for 2 years ( we were both book binders) and we got on really well.
He asked me out and on that first date he asked me to marry him, I said yes. I knew I didn't love him but I truely thought everything would be ok.
I've often felt guilty for not being honest but I just couldn't hurt him. But in the long run I hurt him more, didn't I?
Looking back though I think he was addicted to that first
flush of love and lust.
Yes it was petra. He must have been " a character" putting it mildly. You were well rid of him. ?
annsixty
Was the post @16.48 to me?
If yes, the answer is: he loved wedding cake
Is that what is classed as hope over experience?
I still see my ex occasionally but I have to keep reminding myself that I was married to him. I have absolutely no feeling at all.
When he split with wife No 2 ( I have to number them as he has just divorced No5) I was the first person she phoned when she discovered he was wandering again. Number3 was the same age as our daughter but I never met her or number 4 or 5. My daughter and I have many laughs over him.
My ex and I have been divorced for 40 years but with 2 children and 5 GC we are frequently in touch. We have spent Christmas together and have even holidayed 'en famille' on one occasion, with my current partner of 25 years. No resentments now as too much water under the bridge, but certainly glad I'm not married to him now. We even kiss cheek to cheek when meeting.
My ex and his wife have stayed at my home a couple of times, I live next door to DD2 and she doesn't have as much spare room as I have.
We get on, we always have, I like his wife too, we all have very similar views on life. I am very happy we didn't end up together though, I would be bored and feel like I was living with my brother.
Now if it was my expartner who I left six-seven years ago, I probably would drive on by if I saw him lying injured on the roadside. Life is too short to put up with the low life's of this world and he was right up there.
We had a long fought and bitter divorce, but the arrival of grandchildren thawed the ice gradually and now I and my partner and Ex and wife are friendly whenever we meet up. In fact he and I seem to like each other better now than when we were married.
The Swedes manage changing partners without rancour, with exes and new partners all included in family occasions. It's a salutory lesson and saves so much heartache
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